Letting Go (Chapter Ten)

DAD WALKED INTO THE HOUSE JUST AS I WAS FINISHING LOADING UP THE DISH WASHER. He looked at me. "Hey hon. How was your sleep?" He came up behind me, squeezing my shoulder softly, one of his black back-pack straps still over his shoulder, slowly sliding off it. I looked at him over my shoulder.

"Good I guess," I murmured. I pulled my sleeve down farther over my wrist. Dad looked at me, smiling a bit.

"That's good," He said softly. He walked out of the kitchen and into the front room. I heard him drop his back-pack down on the foutan and I smiled to myself. I wiped my wet hands off with a damp towel and walked to the front door with Dad. I sat down on the floor by my sneakers. "What are you doing?" Dad looked at me as he asked.

I rolled up my jeans that I put on instead of my sweat pants eariler that morning after I got out of the shower. I slipped one of my sneakers over my ankle sock. "I was gonna go for a walk," I said, looking up at him as I tied the white laces on my sneakers.

Dad shrugged, "As long as you're okay, I'm fine with it."

I put my other sneaker on as Dad walked out of the front room and upstairs to his room. I smiled to myself as I finished double knotting my second shoe. Pulling down my jeans again, I got up. Sighing to myself, I called up to Dad, "Love you. Have a good sleep, okay?"

"Love you too, Tanya!" I heard my dad call down to me. He closed his door softly, and I heard the rustle in his room as he plopped down on his bed and covered himself with his blanket. I remembered when I walked in his room this morning to get my socks. I put black pillow cases over the windows so that it'd be dark in his room when he went to bed. I just hoped he noticed I put them back up.

I stepped towards the door and opened it, walking outside. I held the weather open, taking my house key out of my back pocket. It said "B.V.B" on it in thick, white letters. The key was mainly black, and it stood for Black Veil Brides. My favorite band. Putting the key in the key-hole in the front door, I locked it slowly. I put my key back in my back pocket and started walking down the front steps and down the driveway.

I walked down the road and towards the park, just like I promised Kerin I'd meet him there later today. Well, it was later. About 9:15. I could tell by how high/low the sun was in the sky. It was a skill I learned from Jack.

The thought of Jack made my eyes water, but I blinked, making my tears go away. I never wanted to cry in public. Whether or not someone was watching me, I never cried. Or at least I tried not to. I sighed and kept walking, holding my head low.

When I looked back up, I was heading towards the park, looking at Kerin who was sitting in the grass, pressing a stick into the mud against the side of sidewalk. I ran up to him and smiled some. He looked up at me, "'Bout damn time," He got up and hugged me. I hugged him back.

"Sorry, I had to do chores..." I said, looking at him. Kerin looked at me back, shaking his head.

"It's cool. Don't worry about it. Ever heard of sarcasim?" He smirked, biting his lip with his canine tooth. I looked at it and then back up at his eyes. Kerin watched me as I walked up to the swings, sitting down in the exact same one I was in the night before.

Kerin walked up, sitting in the one next to me. "Sorry. It's hard for me to take a joke," I laughed at myself, "God I'm such a c**t." I looked down at my feet, scraping against the chips of bark underneath us as I softly swung myself.

"You are not, Tanya. To be honest, I kinda like you." Kerin smiled at me and leaned over the chains of handles from our swings. He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes. "You cut, don't you?"

I looked in his eyes back, "N-No."

"You're lying," Kerin kept staring in my eyes as I hestitantly looked away from him. "Common Tanya, you can tell me the truth." He pulled his hand away from me and back towards him. He lifted up his jacket sleeve, showing me the marks on his arms. I looked at them and stared for a bit. They were deep. Very deep. They didn't make a word or a name; anything. Just cut marks on his forearm. I flickered my eyes from cut to cut and looked up at him.

"Oh Kerin...Why'd you do it..." I looked back down at his arm. I could tell they were new. Very new. Just by the redness of his flesh.

Kerin sighed, pulling his jacket sleeve again so that it lightly layed over his wrist. "I dunno...cutting's the only way I can get my anger out. My sadness out. I feel like everything's my fault." He looked at me. "Now show me your cuts. I can tell you cut, Tanya.."

I sighed, lifting up my sleeve. I held out my arm to him, and he looked down at my arm, staring at my cuts. I watched his reaction, his eyes. It looked like he was reading Jack's name incrusted into my arm over and over again. He looked up at me. "Who's Jack?"

"A friend of mine," I whispered, shaking my head. "But he's gone..."

"You used to like him, didn't you?" Kerin looked away from my arm and into my eyes.

I looked in his eyes back, "Are you some type of f*****g mind reader?" I asked, laughing to myself.

"Well, I guess you could say that. I read ora's." He smiled and lifted my arm up to his lips, kissing each inch of my cut softly. I bit my lip, ignoring the stinging and letting him. "Does that hurt?" He looked up at me as he asked.

I nodded softly, "A little..."

"Oh, sorry." Kerin pulled my other arm towards him, holding my hands in his softly. "Tanya, I really like you. I mean, you seem like a really sweet girl and I wanna get to know you better. Not in that way either. I know how you've been used in the past by guys for your looks. I don't wanna hurt you. I promise I won't hurt you. And I know how you don't feel like there's a feeling for that word anymore, but you just need someone to come in your life and keep one to realize that a promise is a real thing." Kerin leaned in, kissing me softly. "And I'd like to be that guy..."

I looked at him and practically threw myself at him, bursting into tears. He held me in his arms softly as I sat on my knees in the bark, resting my cheek against his hip. I cried harder. And in between heavy breaths, I said, "I hope you are, Kerin. I hope you are.."

Author's Note

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