Fire And Ice (Rework #1)

Two great beasts battle for power on a torn battlefield.

A thunderous blast ripped through a pair of giant iron doors. And troupes of soldiers in black armor stormed from the veil of dust. Some of them rode on horseback, others on foot. They wielded wicked, curved swords and metal shields that contoured to their forearms and elbows. A runic glyph was embedded into their helmets.

Soldiers in silver armor braced to oppose the oncoming horde. Most of them were only civilians pulled from the streets and had some to no combat experience. A man in purple robes broke through the others to confront a heavy, bearded man. “Lord Hajmar!” he cried. “The enemy is advancing quickly! What shall I do?”

“And soon they'll be right at our feet.” Lord Hajmar muttered. “Ready your magicians Aren. I'll take care of the rest.”

Aren saluted “Will do mi'lord.” he said and disappeared into the sea of men.

The opposing army stormed towards Hajmar and his men. They gained ground at a shocking rate and were lead by a large, heavily armored titan who adorned a horned helmet.

“Archers, ready your bows and aim!” Lord Hajmar barked.

The archers dipped their arrows in buckets of oil and lit them on torches that lined the ramparts. They raised the bows at deep angles ready for the next order.

“Fire!” Lord Hajmar shouted.

The archers released their arrows in unison and balls of fire cascaded towards the opposing soldiers. Hundreds of enemy units fell limp as arrows plunged into their armor. Cries echoed through the city as arrows tore through flesh. The enemy soldier directly behind stopped dead in their tracks. Arrows stuck in the ground in front of them, a few were hit and fell hard. The rest did not budge.

Lord Hajmar stood valiantly with a stern look on his face. Fear struck his heart when he heard a sound. A bellowing roar that shook the ground and rattled armor. His men began to scramble and flee to the back. He was more worried about what made the sound than the incompetence of his men.

A pair of translucent wings flared from behind the enemy soldiers. Some of the soldiers were tossed aside like dolls from whatever beast was making a path. They began to step aside for fear of injury or death. From the crowd, men with large, metal rings pierced into their bodies emerged. A thick chain was slung over their shoulders. Their thin bodies made it look impossible for them to carry such heavy chains. Only one thing came to Hajmar's mind. Magic.

The men staggered their way into an opening. A scaly, rough snout emerged from behind them. It was bound in even more chains and yellow eyes glared from above.The ring men attempted to flee. But the dragon whipped its tail around catching some of them. Ribs and limps crunched from the blow.

 A few of the men were too frightened to flee and tightened their grip on the chains. The dragon thrashed its head back and forth, flinging them left and right. It flexed its jaws and the chains around its snout broke into pieces. The crimson beast stalked forward and coiled its head back.

“Move!” Hajmar cried, jumping for cover.

Some of his men were too late. A blue flame erupted from the dragon's throat and surged forward. It billowed into the silver clad soldiers, searing their flesh. Bloodcurdling cries resonated throughout the city. Cries of agony and immense pain.

Hajmar pressed his back against the stone statue he sought cover behind. He was reluctant to survey the battlefield. When he finally did, the taste of bile rushed into his mouth. Bodies lie all around him burnt to a crisp. Armor and weapons were melted into the soldier's bodies. It was horrifying. The worst he had seen was decapitated limbs and large gashes made by blades. But this was something no commanding officer wanted to see. Deep sadness filled him. Then, a smile. A smile that crept over his lips as he remembered his second line of defense.

“Magicians, now!” he cried.

Aren and ten other spell-casters came charging from behind. They began to chant in a strange language and rose their staffs in the air. A dark circle formed around them. It filled with runic symbols. And a chrysalis of ice slowly began to manifest in the center. It rose to a great height and pulsated with a white light.

After a few moments the chrysalis shattered and snowy mist spilled into the city streets. Every soldier retreated backwards as a great creature stepped from the frozen throne. It shook like a dog and let out a terrifying screech. The creature rose to its back feet and flared out its silver wings. They were dazzling and glimmered with a metallic sheen. One could only describe the beast as a dragon, a second dragon.

The crimson dragon snarled and immediately sprung forward. It tackled its snowy foe to the ground and began to rake with its claws. The magicians stamped their staffs on the ground and began to chant louder. The white dragon blocked its enemy's blows with its wings and kicked with its powerful legs. The crimson nightmare went flying into a crowd of opposing soldiers.

The spell caster's eyes went blank and the white dragon rose up again. It coughed up a jet of crackling frost that soared towards its enemy. The frozen missile just missed the target and crashed into the soldiers. They were instantly encased by a shell of ice.

The crimson beast strafed towards its foe and lashed with its tail. It struck the silver dragon in the chest and two of the spell casters fell dead. The beast followed up by biting the white dragon in the ribs. Three more spell casters fell, lifeless.

The crimson dragon relentlessly attacked the white dragon. It backed away to watch its foe suffer. The white dragon was battered and ruby blood streamed from its body. It limped backwards towards the chrysalis. Only five magicians remained.

Hajmar's face was etched with worry. He ordered a final attack for the magicians to execute.

“Do it.” he said.

The magicians nodded and fell back into a deep trance. The crimson dragon approached its foe. As it drew closer for the finishing blow, the snowy dragon lurched and locked its claws and wings around it. Its eyes glowed white, it braced its self for something. Every magician rose their staff into the air. A stream of white energy flowed between their staffs arching to Aren's. All but him fell dead.

The white dragon's body flashed white. Its foe thrashed and rolled, trying to throw the creature from its self. The snowy dragon's grip was like iron. The two of them rolled on the ground for a few moments. Then, a pillar of ice instantly formed around the two of them. It shattered in sparkling array of frozen chunks of meat and scale. Then all was silent.

Lord Hajmar ambled to the center of the two armies and readied his blade. The man wearing the horned helmet dismounted his horse and drew a huge ax from his back. Hajmar spit on the ground and lowered the visor on his helmet. The two of them stood for a long time, staring. They charged each other and locked weapons, their soldiers tailing behind in a clamor of war cries.

Author's Note

The first reworked version of my story 'Fire And Ice. Rate and review. Be sure to be specific when you review. Tell me what you like and didn't like about it. Also let me know what I need to improve on.

Thanks, Kyle~

Reviews

[Milady_Alice_Clare]

Hi! So I wont go into all the spelling and grammatical errors, sure someone else will. Firstly, I really like this. You have some great descriptions and imagery. Stuff like 'chrysalis' and 'encased in a shell of ice' pretty cool. I like how one dragon is fire and the other ice, two opposites. I thought you describe the silver dragon as more appealing to the reader, so we will it to defeat the red one. Don't know if you did this on purpose. Fire and red, are images of anger which seem to be reflected in the dragon's actions. I thought it might help to give the dragons names, instead of 'the crimson dragon' and 'the silver dragon', can get a bit repetative - just a suggestion. Also, perhaps comment on those watching these two beasts fight, their terror, awe? By giving Lord Hajmar and Aren names helps us assume we're on their side, while the dude leading the other army remains nameless, good idea, it's subtle. Also a good thing to try include is all the senses, obviously you describe the visual, what about the smells, sounds (you do have a lot of sounds already), what can the soldiers feel or even taste? Including all the senses helps to immerse your reader in the scene, giving them a full sensory experience - again just a suggestion. Oh yeah, try and avoid beginning sentences with 'and'. It reads so much better as stand alone sentences. But to be honest it's a good piece, a little straightening up here and there. You really use a wealth of vocabulary and language here, which is great. That's the advantage of writing fantasy, can really just let it go and conjure up some great images. Hope this helps and is encouraging. I actually enjoyed reviewing it, which isn't always the case.

[Kyle J. Lawson]

Thanks, glad you were able to enjoy and fully appreciate it. :p

[H.M. Hearing]

I like this. You can clearly picture the two dragons, one of fire and the other ice. Continue to write, you do very well.