Macy’s Parade

A Story by Kyle

Sometimes we get a chance or opportunity to be dead. I mean a near death experience. By this experience, even though we were not hurt or hospitalized, we can feel like “Wow! That was close" and feel grateful that we are still alive. Then, what is a life? Why are we so relieved by this? You know it’s only 70 or 80 f*****g years or even less for someone. Even though we are living in this world, who will remember our f*****g miserable life 100 years later? Do we have any special meaning? Even though we meet someone special, have rich parents, got f*****g big money, or eat every fancy thing every day, what does it mean? On the other hand, what if we don't have any money, do not have anyone special, or are living alone in this f*****g lonely planet, who will judge us about it?

My name is Pete. I’m safely married with a child. I am a 37 year old guy and f*****g normal as hell. Most of the time, I spend my time doing nothing. Drinking or smoking. Seems a typical life as you can imagine. I got my job as an insurance salesman. Nothing fancy at all. Meet people and beg for sales and make sure the insurance will save you and your family eventually. Ha! Make sense, right? Sometimes, when I make a sale, a desperate lonely woman is asking for intimacy. Of course, I have occasional sex with these people.

Do I have any guilt? No, not at all. So what? I don't love them or even like them. Frankly, I don't want to know anything about them. If a person likes music or movie, so what? I don't care at all. They are just strangers, like people I see every day in the street. If I touch someone in a crowded subway or busy street accidentally, my body part is touching their skin. Simply, when I f**k these people, I am touching their private parts with my body parts. Simple as this. Then have I met someone special? Well, that's not an easy question. Do I love my wife? Yes or No. Be true to be myself. I don't even love myself. It's too hard to remain in love someone.

It was funny at the beginning. Yes, only at the beginning. I met a nice lady named Macy. In the beginning, she was one of kind, ordinary kind of boring person I hate most. Yes, she was not different from others. I would probably hate her if I was still in college. My college time, I don't want to meet or talk to anyone who did not know of my interest such as some specific music, movie, or book. I thought if someone has different interests, they are from a different place. So stubborn and I thought my world is definitely everything I want to live for. Like I said, I met a lady. She was kind of early 30s, a beautiful face and nice body. You know, someone you want to f**k at first sight. Long legs, long hair, beautiful smile, nice make-up, stylish talking manner, sweet smell, and a nice mind to near to. Yes, she was that kind of girl. That night, actually we fucked each other. Simply as that. We just drank together, and ended up in a motel I didn't really remember. The next day, I totally forgot about her, everything like usual. A week or so later, I got a phone call from her. She said, "You, Pete, you are Pete, right?" I said, "Yes, who's this?" I didn't care who she was. I probably thought I would not see her ever again. I didn't care what she was feeling and thinking toward me. Why did I have to think about all that? She was just one of lambs at that night when I have a desire to. I thought that moment, Did I want to see her again and f**k her again?

"It's Macy, a couple of weeks ago, we met at the bar, Fly, and you know," she said.

"Yes, Macy, hi," I said.

"Got something this Friday? I have some time to need to be wasted," she said.

"Friday? Mmm, seems fine for me, I think," I said. "Oh, then let's see each other and have some fun like last time," she said. "Seems fine, but mmmm... It's a kind of hard to say but I don't want any romance and I am not looking for any relationship right now, I am sorry," I said. "That's perfect, then 8 o'clock at bar, Fly?" she said. "Oh, I mean... okay," I said and we hung up.

That Friday, I got to the bar at exactly 8 o'clock sharp. I ordered my drink and drank it. A couple of more, and she got there. It was around 8:30 almost. She was not different. The same beautiful lady. Somewhat strong perfume stimulating my senses, nice fancy clothing. Long hair, and beautiful smile.

She ordered a martini, and we talked and talked. I was not sure what we talked about. Maybe almost everything or nothing. Only thing I could remember was hearing "Let's get out and f**k." Yes, the same thing again. We ended up in a motel again and licked each other’s body parts. It was like a climax after a happy and funny movie that makes you smile. It was like sex, you have to ejaculate everything inside your body. Then we just fell asleep.

I could not notice how much time passed. The room was very dark. I only could see her face and her long hair. I was holding her back. She was breathing soundly. I tried to find my mobile, and it was 11:44.

"Macy, I need to go. It's almost 12 o'clock," I said. She said, "Okay, Pete. How much time you got?" I said, "Not much, probably 1-2 hours tops?" "Okay, lie down little bit," she said. "What's up?" I said. She said, "I want to ask you something. You are working for an insurance company, right? I always wondering if I have a big insurance thing like a million dollar after I got killed, okay? What if I kill myself, my beneficiary can have that money?" she said. "What? How long have you had the insurance?" I asked. "No. I am just asking what if," she said. " You need to keep the insurance for at least five years. If you got the insurance just now, then you have to wait for at least 5 years. Not every insurance product is the same, but similar policy." I said. "Hmm, okay" she said. "If I fake my death like an accident, do you think they will find out easily?" she asked. "Mmm, most insurance companies have their own investigation department for insurance fraud. People who had a previous job as a police officer or detective, they get these jobs. So it's very hard to fake something as an accident. If you are so cleaver, you might fool them, haha," I said. "Hmm, that's just interesting." she said. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" I said. "Hahaha, Pete, you are silly, I just want to know. That's it," she said. "Okay," I said. She paused and said again, "As a matter of fact, I want to die every day". "What? Why's that?" I said. "You know, everyday life, sometimes, I just don't want to keep doing it. When I was young, I always thought everything on earth will disappear and stopped moving if I die. But it's not likely, I guess" she said. "So I want to do something as a present for myself." she continued. "What's that?" I said. "Well, a perfect suicidal machine for me," she said. "What? What do you mean?" I said. "Okay, I will simply put myself in a position to kill myself, you know, close my eyes when I jaywalk, and driving a car at high speed and let go of the steering wheel all of sudden or maybe hanging around ghetto area with a very short skirt, and waiting for an attack or something from bad guys," she said. "Haha, that's silly," I said, but I thought she was capable of doing that if she wanted to do it.

That night, after the conversation with her, I went straight back home. I did not think clearly. But one thing in my mind, I wanted to talk to her more about I have not talked. But I did not get any phone call from her after. I tried to call her, and no answer. A month later, I have not heard anything from her. The only things I knew was her first name and phone number, but the call never got through. Always no answer. Since then, I was looking for any stupid deaths in the newspaper. Any death caused by jaywalking, reckless driving, or a brutal killing in ghetto area of the city. No related news at all. I was not even sure if her real name was Macy anyway. I have sent many text messages to her mobile like 'Hi, Macy, are you okay?', ‘Hi, Macy, where are you?', 'Please get back to me when you can', 'I have to see you', and things like that.

No reply. No answer. Nothing... I was not even sure if she could check my messages from time to time. I was just wondering if she was even still somewhere on earth. The funny thing is, when a married man is having an affair with someone, he cannot have anything to leave behind. I mean he has to erase all messages and call histories, or even pictures took together. No memory. Nothing to think about that later. So sometimes you're just wondering if these things have been really happened in real life. I guess that's it then. Don't think about it anymore.

A couple of months later, I had a chance to stop by the bar, Fly, again. No difference. It was exactly the same. The smell of cigarettes, music, a bunch of strangers, and even smell of the toilet but no Macy.

I was not sure if I wanted to f**k her again or I just wanted to see her or to feel her skin again. Sleeping together and waking up in the morning together. Make some nice breakfast for her. Going shopping together and noticing that we have the same taste in fashion. Or even wanting to travel together. See the same sun and moon together. Talking about every silly thing you can think of. Or anything I can do for her. I just want to see her again. I wished I just want her to be here with me. That is not that big wish, Isn't it? Of course, after Macy, I met a couple of ladies, and ended up in a motel. Maybe I was trying to forget about her or something. I needed to drink to forget about her, needed to f**k someone to erase her. Nothing is the same now.

I was wondering, if Macy and I did tedious f***s, let's say 100 times or more, and if we fight each other like an old couple, would I still want to see her like I do now? Well, I don't have a right answer, but I am sure now I just want to see her or simply just want to have a chance to do all things with her. It is harsh.

A month later, I suddenly got a message from her. She said, "I am sorry I have not called you. I want to call you so many times. But anyway, I did something for you. Please take that as a present. Bye now. I love you so much." What the heck? What's going on her mind? Present? What present? Why did she not even call me? And see me? Will I see her again eventually? All kinds of questions, which could not be solved and related, were in my mind.

A couple weeks later, I got a call from one of guys who worked for our investigation department. He said "You are Pete Klaus, right? I got this case, and seems like you are the beneficiary of insurance policy for one million dollars." "What? What are you talking about?" I said. "Do you know someone named Marian Ciderland?" he said. "I have no idea," I said. "She is a single lady who does not have any relatives and she made you the beneficiary of this insurance," he said. "So you mean she is dead already?" I said. "Yes. She is gone," he said. "Anyway, I need some paperwork from you, and the insurance money will be in your account soon." "Why? Why are you calling me instead of Claims and Operations department?" I said. "Oh, her death was little strange, and we did an investigation, and seems like clear now. So that's why I am calling you," he said. "What was the cause of death?" I said. "She was killed by a big truck. She was listening music with headphones, and the truck just ran over her and she was killed instantly. I think she did not hear the horn, or any sound, I believe," he said. "Do you have any description for her?" I said. "Yes. She was thirty one, and long hair, 5.5 ft., a single woman. According to her picture, she was very beautiful and nice," he said. "Okay, thanks," I said and hung up.

More than 100 times, I have thought about being a millionaire or winning the lottery. If I have that amount of money, I will quit my job, and do nothing every day. But I don't know. Since actual money is in my account, I could not do anything at all, and even could not talk to my wife. A month later, I told her that a close relative is dead and I got the insurance money for the death. She was happy. Of course.

What can I do with it? I don't know. I am completely confused and fucked. Anyway, from that financial stability, I became a little relaxed, and had more time to think about myself and all things I've done as a stupid human being. Let's think that way. She gave that money to substitute her forever. If I had a chance to see her again, would I give up the money? It was so f*****g stupid and sick to have that money in my account. So she thought my life will be changed? She thought I will be a better man than before? What can I do? Should I keep doing my sexual expeditions? Or should I be a nice guy?

A couple of months later, I met a girl named Macy again. She was a great sex object like Macy. I can see many Macy’s around me as well. In the street, at the elevator, at the office, at the store, at the subway, even inside my TV, and any place I can go.

Months later, I could not get my penis erect. It has stopped functioning. Macy, thank you so much for all this.