Wasted Summer

I'm just winging this, it might turn out horribly but I'm bored and I feel a need to write right now (sorry for that last phrase... a little awkward.) So anyway, here goes.

Summer

            slow

            long-lasting

            unbearable

            torture.

                            Not exactly the

                            usual response,

                            huh?

            Without

            friends,

            after-school

            activities,

            you.

                               Is my point

                               finally

                               clear?

One day,

you're desk empty.

                               I could die.

Two months,

your absence lingers.

                               I almost died.

 

If I can't have you,

I don't want at all.

                         If you can't love me,

                         I'll sit here and

                         wait.

You'll come along eventually.

Hopefully.

                               I'll wait my whole life,

                               as long as a single,

                               microscopic

                               sliver

                               of hope

                               remains.

Maybe I'm wasting

my precious time.

                         Maybe I'm willing to

                         waste.

                               Am I

                               willing to waste

                               away?

                               Day after day

                               in hope of you

                               some day

                               falling for me.

                         Or do I just want

                         to pass the

                         time?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________

If you liked this, I hope  you'll check out my blog to see my "non-poetic" writing :)

Thanks for reading and Reviewing :)

http://noduhitslogic.weebly.com

 

 

Author's Note

Please, let me know what you think, if you find it relatable, if you like it, if you hate it, just be pleasant please!
If you could, it would be great if you could check out my blog! Thanks! http://noduhitslogic.weebly.com
Also I'd like to just mention that my poetry is inspired by Ellen Hopkins, who is probably my absolute favorite writer and BY FAR my favorite poet. Check out her books, if you haven't already, they're AMAZING!

Reviews

[Pomegranate]

Ellen Hopkins is quite talented; I especially loved 'Impulse'.

Format:
Could be better, it's fine at the beginning with the left/center/right but it's a bit harder to follow near the end. You may just want to use the 'tab' key, or space bar -it's tedious, but the end result is that your work is easier to follow.
Overall where you decide to cut off your sentences is good, there are a few awkward patches but with time you'll get the hang of it.

Language: No issue there, it's easy to follow/read and in this case I think that's invaluable.

Content/Subject: It is easy to relate to. As your title and first three stanzas [fir section ]make clear; you're talking about summer time. I love you section stanza, it gets the point across so well, in my mind you're mentioning friends & extra-curricular just so you aren't saying 'you'; because that 'you' is why you're really not enjoying summer. That's how I view it at least.
The fourth section doesn't do much for me; it's weak in comparison to the first two and I find the cut-offs a little bit awkward. {If I can't have you [...] I'll sit here and wait}
The fifth section {I'll wait my whole life [...] remains} would, be better without 'microscopic' [but you're inspired by Hopkins so I understand why it is there}. Also, 'slither' as you have it is 'a snake slithering in the grass', you mean 'sliver' ;]

Second to last stanza {Am I [..] falling for me};
Am I/willing to waste away,/day after day/in hopes of you/someday falling for/me?

[Wanderlust]

Yes, I can relate entirely. Waiting and wasting especially. You've articulated this simply, which is how this particular kind of 'waiting around' needs described. All raw and aching, ah!

[Tina Kline]

Interesting format, wasn't hard to follow. I enjoyed this, it was like reading a stream of consciousness. It had rather a depressive feel to it, I think that was what you were going for. Wasting away, wanting something to happen. I did enjoy this.