All I know is that

Emotionalleaks

I love you

I want to hear these words from you

I want to hear your footsteps come up from behind me as I walk to the bus stop

I want to make you smile like I used to make you do

I want to answer your questions and be correct without even needing the slightest thought

I want you to call my name and ask me to go home with you

I want you to want me

But that seems like it won’t happen anymore

Because now you have him

Because you sit next to him

Because he’s taller

Because he’s wittier

Because he’s nicer

Because I’m insecure and could never even settle my own hang-ups, let alone make you comfortable around me

Now you avoid me

And ignore me and my advances

Guess I made it too obvious

How could I not have

I liked you that much

I am an idiot

An idiot who looks for others to fix his problems

And I do it too easily

I fall too easily

And I look for others to pick me up

I look for handouts

But not this Time

I will not sulk, I will not yield or bend to my emotions

I am going to do this my way

Resolve my own problems for once

It will be done

Whether the outcome matters or not

This is nothing but one incident that will grow me

It can’t hurt me

I don’t care about what you think

And neither do they care for me

I’ll do what suits me

And only what suits me

I am not ready yet and I will end it thus

You can have him and be happy

I hate you

And

I hate me

I love you

Author's Note

Ass is the best