One drop of rain/one drop of...

A day from innocence

 

 

 

 

One drop of rain/ One drop of rain

One drop of rain

One drop of rain

One drop of rain

One drop of rain…

And then he loses

the counts of them.

 

A ringing cycle speeds past.

From his shelter he can

see the fluorescent coat 

on the teen aged body

of the rider in search.

She is searching a boy,

a little angry, left home.

He curls inside the shelter

of the bough of a dead tree.

He won’t tell who is that boy.

He won’t go back either.

 

The elder sister searches

on and on as if the

rings of the wretched bell

will change the mind of a

four years old. He looks at

the chipmunk dared to

appear at hand. Nature.

One drop more in his head…

Reviews

[Emily B]

I wonder at mother's sin that the boy would run away and sit in the rain and not go home. . . It's a touching story. How long will he punish before he goes home?

Robert Frost has a poem "Revelation". The last line says "From babes that play at hide and seek / to God afar / so all who hide too well away / must speak and tell us where they are." Or the way Robert Fulghum put it, "Get found, kid." Some days, I need to be reminded to get found, too.

[lori c]

the repitition in the opening stanza is so appropriate, sets the tone for the rest of the read. i had a tear by the time i finished, picturing this poor frightened child huddled alone with just a chipmunk for company and the incessant rain. sadness, bluesy, aloneness... such intensity for one so young. more of the story left to wonder about... and i like that... gives the reader a chance to bring their own experiences to the moment. as always, i thank you for sharing with me as i do so like reading your thoughts.

[Laura E. Aranda]

wow...the title is everything! Very cool! Good luck in the contest! Cheers,lea

[R J Askew]

Very moving, vivid and full of life ... great observations.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Very deep work, enjoyed this piece. Great imagery.


Great Write.

[SM Davis]

I understand completely having been that child. Very poigniant and deep. I must say that I wonder at the mother that doesn't notice the child that sits in the rain...the turmoil that would cause a child to be in such a state. No, my friend it is not the child that punishes...rather the opposite. The child that does anything to escape the punishment.

[alternative_be]

I can just imagine a 4-year old trying to count raindrops and finding out later that counting raindrops is pointless. Certainly when you are living in a counttry like Belgium.
I can also relate to the sister in desperate search of the sister looking for her kind brother.
Kids tend to do the darndest things ... specially when they don't want to be found.
I remember 2 neighbourhood kids wondering off on their tricycles and the parents found them 3 miles further along a busy road...
Like the kid in your poem, they were pure and knew their way home, but were unaware of the danger ...
A good example of what can happen when you are not looking for a split second...
Very realistic!

[Cece]

one drop of rain
is one of a teardrop
i can taste life
in a teardrop

with all the emo
that comes with
one drop of rain
in a teardrop

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is simply Awesome! I love how vividly here you have drawn such a great picture of Rain...and that too in such a brilliant way! The alliteration in the starting is really very appealing and it is imparting a very nice effect.
Beautiful imagery...