i like it blended

I like it blended

The sweat and the market.

Life on the village is stirring.

The beggar and the thief

Half heartedly handing over

Their loots to the leader.

The vendor ventures to buy a

Garment for a little girl.

This village’s idiot looks far

A dawn of blood faced clouds

Moving in, a mule upturns head

And cries to greet a rain…

The sweat and the market moves to

Blend with a soaked up laugh

Blown up from a couple of girl,

Pleasures so simple still

Exists exists in their earth.

 

Reviews

[Cece]

confliction contradiction incompatible
desires, needs, drives, impulses
against their their true nature
store owners give up their profits
thieves also give up their profits
and such those with no mind
does look to the future
the sky does show
a storm approaching
as a red sky does indicate
but is pleasure to conflict
not to exist on any world

[Drifting Blue]

I found this to be poignant. It comes from a point of view that is affectionate and unflinching. I see a poet in the village idiot that looks far. Love the image of blood-faced clouds. Good poem.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

"Moving in, a mule upturns head

And cries to greet a rain�"

Beautiful piece of writing! Specially, these two lines are my favorite in it..
Very well written!

[poetaster]

some revisions i would make:
"Half heartedly" to reluctantly
"loots" to loot
"village's idiot" to village idiot
"blood faced" to blood-faced
"girl" to girls
"exists" to exist

other than that, this is a pretty good piece. nice imagery without overwhelming florid language.
"A dawn of blood faced clouds
Moving in, a mule upturns head
And cries to greet a rain�"
(i like the last line of this) this part is interesting in the context of the piece, as it contrasts the bustling activity and laughter in the market.
i like the phrasing, like "soaked up laugh blown up"; just gives the air of lightness, like blowing bubbles, a simple pleasure indeed.
good job really capturing the blended atmosphere, with all the different descriptions of beggars and vendors and idiots and laughing girls.

[alternative_be]

These are images which seem strange to the Western world... At first sight! A marketplace always will be a colourful place with shoppers, stallkeepers, robbers, beggars and thieves, certainly in my hometown where you can meet people from all over the world. That is the privilege of living in a city with a harbour I guess and also why I once wrote a poem called 'In front of my window'.
I like your descriptions and images, they are very vivid and visual, you can see thing happening before your eyes while reading.
I would like to point out some grammar issues though: I would revise the title to 'like it blended' or to ' I like the way it blended.
In the last sentence, I would put a comma to separate the 'exists, exists' passage ...
Good subject, good poem, a joy to read!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Nicely done, wonderfully written peice. There was just one thing I wasnt sure about

"Pleasures so simple still Exists exists in their earth."--Exists (x2) Was that intentional or a mistake?

Great Write.
Rayne