To the Psychriatist

 

To the psychiatrist

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Tell her who is resting on your couch,

A cliché we live

Spread amid the movements of planets,

Satellites and stars.

A cliché to live on and on, long

Without solution.

Her ear never hears such chants of days.

Trivial days of life.

 

There is a lonely road of cold dirt

Somewhere in our heart.

Somewhere a single bud of white flower

Held in a lean hand

Of a boy who sells mundane flowers

To foreign tourists.

Doctor, send her a life with hands

Of friends still to be

Lost in oblivion of fences and

Cartographer’s dreams.

 

 

Reviews

[Lorraine Pearson]

"Tell her who is resting on your couch,
A clich� we live
Spread amid the movements of planets,
Satellites and stars."

These opening lines grabbed me immediately. I really enjoyed this piece. What a creative idea...telling the psychiatrist what to tell someone in for treatment! I appreciated the second half tremendously...it sings of hope in the face of reality. Nice piece!
~Lorraiyne

[Gary H]

I guess the job of a psychiatrist is a difficult one. You have identified a curious trait here that should have more importance in the work - that of a cartographer. I'm thinking mapping out a mind existence should be how to solve problems.
This is very curious and well done.

[Kasey Klein]

"A clich� to live on and on"

indeed

[CarrieLynn {Chameleon A..]

great write! :)

[George Love]

You improve with each work. Well done again!

[E. M. Murren]

This is another wow poem. The dicotomy of imagery you present... the cold dirt road lying with a heart... and the flowers... a romantic vision ... treated as commodity... really fine work. You presented a pananormic vision here... within the realm of the psyche. Cheers.

[Ken Simm.]

I like the various concepts you have enveloped here. Cartographers dreams, mundane flowers. Very well written.

[waywithwords]

If I am right my friend Kushal this beautiful sad poem has elements of a disability, something that I deal with day to day with a young grandaughter who lives with me and my husband and confined to a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy. This is beautifuuly written and can well imagine the scenario. Let me know if I am on the right track. Anne xxxThank you for sharing it.

[Carrie Montgomery]

"Trivial days of life...There is a lonely road of cold dirt Somewhere in our heart."
- very powerful , and kind of frightening to think of our days (which are numbered) in these terms!

[alternative_be]

As for the content of your poem: very well chosen. Many counselers, social workers and psychiatrist tend to fall into the trap of clich� treatment, which is useless to the patient or client. Professionals are well trained but often don't have the empathy which enables you to feel what another person is feeling. The link between theory and practice gets completely lost, as is the case in this poem. Very well described.
About your solution: I agree a patient needs more than a doctor in order to get better, tender loving care!
About your English, sometimes it shows that English is not your native language. It doesn't bother me much. O.K. you've made a typing error in the title, you do know how to write psychiatrist.
In my view it's not your English that gives the reader the impression that you're not a native speaker of English, but the images used. So what if those are not English! I'm also a non native speaker of English and though I even tend to think in English while I'm writing or watching, I'm convinced that some of the images I use are not English either. Using images that may seem a little strange to the English speaking reading may enrich their view on the subjects you write about and can be an onset to a cultural exchange.
I can name a few authors, not writing in their native language that have become very famous.
Hanif Kureishi, Julien Green, Maurice Maeterlinck, Fran�oise Mallet - Joris, those are the names that spring to my mind and I'm sure there must be others...

[Travis Lawrence]

Thoughtful line breaks, and yes, you've pinned it well, the couch business is cliche haha. "There is a lonely road of cold dirt..." I love the assonance in this line. Great write!

-Travis