war and pieces of peace

 

 

War and pieces of peace

Dropping parachutes on a land of white jasmines

The fingers tightening the grips on fatal arms,

They do not dare to whisper for the fear

Of detection, of death and of noncompliance.

The pasture of tickling verdant, amused, happy…

The grass grabs knees, flowered resistance at their feet.

An obscure cannon has lost its grave potency.

How far will they go, asks a colored creature of

An earth belongs to life, dream and natural death

Whispering neutrally in calm ears of beings.

The troopers are moving with steps full of fear

Only to become consumed in the shadows of

A landscape of white jasmines… 

           

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

The return to the white jasmines is a very nice touch. The use of verb tenses gives the poem a paradoxically passive feel, which is underscored by the use of "neutrally" in the tenth line--an interesting but effective tack in a war-related poem. There is a very high level of craftsmanship here; it's a very nice piece of writing.

[jen -- JG]

This beautifully sad poem goes full circle.

A land with white jasmine, a beautiful place until war comes along, with parachutes and soldiers with weapons and the ensuring battle across this land of white jasmines.

The troopers move forward to their death and all that is left is the landscape of white jasmine.

The play on "war and pieces of peace is wonderful as are the two views of the same instant and place in time.

The peaceful meadow, the thunder and whispers of war, then peace again

A lovely write here

well done

jen

[The Archangel Gabriel]

A very nice juxtaposition of the soldiers and the flowers. Another round of war, anybody? I think that this is going to be the year that Bush finally proves his point, whatever it was...

Great write!

-Gabe

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Beautiful imagery used to described the scenerio portrayed - the grabbing of the grass is a particularly moving line for me. Nice write. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Rhiannon Dragonraine]

Interesting imagery here; not quite sure what the subject of this peice is but it definitely sucked me in and kept me reading all the way through- as i said i am unsure if this is about War or the state the world and nature is in today because of man's selfishness- either way really kind of works- Good Job!

[TL Boehm]

intense, almost surreal writing. well done.

[E. M. Murren]

The weight of this work is incredible. The play on words... pieces of peace... and showing us the earth itself flowering around us is fabulous. Such a deftly written work. Many cheers.

[Daly]

Each first letter of each of the lines are capitalized (is that intentional?). I love your description of the surroundings in the setting of the poem. It's beautifully written.

[Drea]

Grass grabs knees; flowered resistance at their feet.
The Jasmine flowers have created a high vibrational energy together in the field of your poem. They have an awareness of the darkness descending upon them and they resist. These flowers that herald spiritual love being trampled in the name of an ensuing war come full circle and consume the soldiers in their shadows.
This poem whispers its words to me; the Jasmine warning.

[R J Askew]

The parachutes seem very gentle, floating down all white and fluffy. The first line underscores the tension and looking violence in te second. The pasture and grass grabbing knees reminds me directly and strongly of the third verse of Owen's 'Spring Offensive', this is good and bad, good as it puts your poem in the same territory as his, but bad as the lines of the Owen poem are such big beasts they boss the mind with their strength. Also 'obscure canon' calls up 'the choirs, the shrill demented choirs of wailing shells' from Anthem For Doomed Youth' and 'earth belongs to life' calls up 'was it for this the clay grew tall?' from Futility. I like your poem very much especially the way the way the aggressive 'fingers tightening' turns to 'steps full of fear' but once the Owen poems got into my head -- three of my favourites -- that was it!

[George Love]

Love the use of metaphors here. Good work!