a kitty named "ZELDA"

A kitty named “Zelda”

 

 

Her paws, soft, are upon fallen gold

Of rustling foliage. Cold sundown

Turns around to a shadowy cottage.

A cottage with a coach and love-strokes

On the kitty back, softly, softly.

“Zelda” calls a sonorous mistress.

The kitty is coming back after

Yet another adventure she won’t tell.

 Outside a night of murmur wakes aloud.

The cottage of a coach and love-strokes

Remains amid burst of dark unknowns.

 

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Hi.

Thank you for requesting this read. It's a good poem with decent imagery, but I want to point out something that you may have missed. In the lines:

"Her paws, soft, are upon fallen gold
Of rustling foliage. Cold sundown
Turns around to a shadowy cottage."

Great imagery here, but the flow runs from a simplistic Haiku-like state right back into standard poetry. I understand the need for imagery that only Haiku can bring about, but it is disconcerting for the reader to jump back and forth. Something you may wish to try is to complete one stanza in Haiku, one in standard, then another in Haiku again. Yes, this sits directly opposite of my advice, but in a case like that it works, entices the reader, and enhances the poem itself. It's like painting in two different mediums. Though they clash with one another, they end up playing off each other.

[justjenn_2u]

Beautiful imagery!!!! The curious kitty has a life filled with adventure much that humans can't touch.

[An Ordinary Woman]

The wonders of what a roaming kitty sees and knows gives them an almost air of mystery to me ...
I bet they have lots to tell if only they could speak. LOL I enjoyed...

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I agree with most of the reviewers on this one, some things kind of clash so this may need a little tweaking. But its got potential. the imagery is great and it was a great start! Keep writing

[ganymeder]

I like the imagery, but I found parts of it a bit confusing.

>Turns around to a shadowy cottage.

A cottage with a coach and love-strokes

On the kitty back, softly, softly.<

The way I read it, it looked like the cottage stroked the kitty's back softly. :)

Very nice work. Thank you for sharing. :)

[Kimberly Davis]

I loved the imagery. I agree, the piece might not flow with rhythm like the rest of it, however, with free-style poetry...you can pretty much have whatever rhythm you want. I thought it was clever and creative. I'm a sucker for metaphorical imagery and this held a lot. I think it was deeper than just about a cat. Write more like this. lol =]
Kim

[lori c]

see now i rather like the simplistic beginning...like a prologue in a novel, setting the stage. ah, yes, kitties are very fond of their secrets,,,and they keep human ones very well...good thing my kitties cant verbalize in english. lol... i can see the cottage at the end, surrounded by darkness and night-noises. and zelda only concerning herself with those love strokes. i love zelda.

[George Love]

You tried something new and it almost worked. The rythm of this work suffered a bit due to the break in style. Imagery was good, although not completely up to your standard.

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Cats rock!

"The kitty is coming back after
Yet another adventure she won't tell."

So true. They have all kinds of adventures, but they don't kiss and tell.

Beautiful piece!

-Gabe

[A.r. Bazian]

skillful use of literary elements show up somewhat strong!
the contradictions and inversion... and a few other traits that give this poem its glamor... aside of course to the amazing mood and surroundings the poem provides!

nice poem!
keep it up!

[Legion]

That sounds so much like a cat. Deeply mysterious. Great write.