deep dead

Deep dead.

 

Door of the house no.3 is closing behind.

On the steps a yellow bird named sunshine lying

Dead.

Closes the door, the pitter patter of foot steps

Moist on the wall,

Repetition of life,

Breathing spaces are so small!

I don’t live there,

Neither do you.

But, for the ol’girl it is all.

Smell of fried okra,

Tit bits of singular squabble,

Rolls out of closed window

Like a loose marble.

We played with the marbles.

We talked of a witch.

Which is not far from the truth,

Living amid loveless ness

Is living deep dead.

 

Reviews

[Touché Armada]

Living deep dead, that has got to be a quoteable quote for the day.. That was something.. still lingering around my ankles like I may need to shut a window.. A yellow bird dead on the steps.. It's funny I often read work that includes a yellow bird.. sometimes it makes me think of teenagers and other times simply a canary and I think so where was its song that no one noticed it before it was dead or exploading in the sky? Oh well just something that gets in my head I guess... I'm sorry I'm so late to review, but glad I got here at last.

[An Ordinary Woman]

Well my goodness, poddarkushal.

I am very late in getting here but man, your writing keeps getting better and better and this one is great. It is a little eerie but eerie is good, very good.

Excellent writing!

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is kind of haunting piece and the lines are very graphical and thus creates a good visual effect.
Very well written and I simply loved the entire flow of the piece.
An awesome read! :)

[Clare]

This made me feel very alone and surrounded at the same time; like being lonely on a very bright day, if that makes sense. I liked this very much-thank you for sharing!

[PhoeniX]

well written. i felt some what lonely as i read it. but it was good

[lori c]

my favorite line is ,,,,living amid loveless ness is living deep dead,,,,oh so very true. this writing reminds me of an elderly woman i knew as a child, she terrified the all the neighborhood children. i do believe we even called her a witch and said for sure that she had some loose marbles. and sad to say, she had no one to love her. but i was glad i secretly got to know her. again, writing turned loose on the reader makes a life connection and it touched some pathos in me that i havent felt in decades. excellent.

[ganymeder]

I really liked this.

The only thing that seemed a little misleading to me was this part

>On the steps a yellow bird named sunshine lying

Dead.

Closes the door, the pitter patter of foot steps<

I read that part like the dead bird closed the door. What that your intent? Perhaps it was metaphorical?

Lovely poem. Sad, but nice. :)

[R J Askew]

I like the yellow bird lying dead........and I read it as novel way to see sunshine a dead bird, lying there, flightless....nice.

But the best part was the marble rolling loose..........can see that and hear it. It also took me back to my own childhood playing marbles in the playground of an English school when all we needed was a small hole in the tarmacadam. And my childhood is deep dead.

At least that is how I read this poem which i enjoyed very much. What did you mean by the yellow bird?

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Oh, the last lines are spectacular. Sums up the piece well. Definitely, a haunting tale as others have said. Well done.
Light,
Siddartha

[George Love]

Interesting as all your works seem to be. Strangely haunting in a way, almost dark.