Please Don't Leave Me

I may act like I don't need you but please... don't leave me. Daughter to mother.

 

Please Don't Leave Me

 

Please, don't leave me.

When I was little and I got lost, you'd always find me. You'd chase away the monsters out from under my bed, and dimmed the lights in the hallway just enough so that I could fall asleep while knowing that they wouldn't come back. When I would cry in the middle of the night, the monsters made all the more real by a nightmare, you'd come running, and promise me that you'd never leave me.

I believed you, you know.

Can't you keep your promise? Because you always keep your promises.

You made a point of it, keeping your word. Your word is your word, you'd say, and if someone can't trust your word, then how can they trust you? I never had a reason to distrust you. When your promised me a play date, or that we'd go out to the store t buy a new toy or a video game, you always did it. No matter if you were sick, or if you yourself had plans.

You've always... always kept your promises. Keep this one. Please. It's the only one that matters.

When he left us, you took over. You didn't cry, or at least that's what you wanted me to think. I know that you would cry, when you thought I was asleep. But you tried so hard, so I never told you, because... I don't know... maybe... it's just something stupid little kids do.

Sometimes... I hated you. When it was father's day at school, and you knew, you knew that everyone else was bringing their dads, and all I wanted was mine back. But all I got was you. So I'd pout and cry and not talk to you, but you'd just smile at me from the driver's seat on the way back home and blast a happy song.

That always made me smile.

Do you remember what I used to call you before...?

A bunch of stuff that would make you smile that bright smile of yours. I stopped calling you that when I was thirteen, because it was 'lame' to call you those things.

Did you ever think I was stupid? I do.

I dunno, do mothers look at their kids and sometimes think how stupid they are? When we want something stupid, like a new cell phone, or we scream at you just because we want to go to a stupid party? We're stupid-- I'm stupid-- and... I don't...

You keep promising me things. Mostly that everything is going to be okay. That no matter what happens, you'll find a way to take care of me.

But you won't be here. How the hell can you take care of me? How?

That would work on a five year old, because when we're that age we think our parents are superheros and that they can do anything. Well, I'm not five and stupid. I know better. I know that parents make just as many mistakes as we do, and that not even superheros can beat some things.

Like death.

How did it feel? When they told you...?

Did you cry? Because you didn't cry when you told me. You just said it as if it were a reminder-- take a bath, do your homework, take out the garbage-- and then you smiled so damn calmly and told me that I'd be okay, that you'd make sure of it.

Stop saying that. I'm not going to be okay.

I've made it a point these past few years to show you just how independent I am. I got a job, bought my own car, pay my insurance... I'm so responsible, aren't I?

Yeah, you're wrong.

I'm not, okay?

I took shots at this kid's party last year and drove drunk when I told you I was sleeping over at my friend's house. I smoked pot once just to try it. And I don't always make sure the guys I sleep with wear condoms. And that time, when you went away on your business trip, I had a house party, and that's how grandma's vase got broken, not because I tripped.

I'm not responsible. I'm not.

So why the hell... why the hell are you leaving?

I'm not ready! I'm not! I need you, please, please, stay, stay... I believe in you, I believe that you can do anything, please!

I'll do my chores, and I'll never break my curfew... I'll... I'll... do my homework without you reminding me all the time and I'll break up with my boyfriend! I'll give up the car-- I know you think it's unsafe... I'll use all my money to help pay for the medical bills... please, please.

Mom... mommy... mama... please, please don't leave me. I need you, mommy. I'm scared, scared of the dark, and scared of the monsters that live under my bed that are waiting for you to leave. I need you. Please, be a superhero, I believe in you.

Don't go. Don't leave. You promised.

Who'll take care of me...? Who'll take care of you?

Please... please... don't leave me, mommy. I need you. I love you. Don't go.

Please...

Reviews

[SIL_glasshalffull]

This is tough. I was fine until the end, when my eyes started watering. I'll be honest, the way in which it was written, is not my favorite, but what you write about has a lot of potential and a lot of soul. I enjoyed what you were portraying. It's hard to deal with sickness an/or death. It's the kryptonite to us all. Doesn't that just crush anybody's belief system? I know it did with me; my father passed away last year from lung cancer. It was super scary. Eventually, you realize that the life after the storm is very important.
There's a lot that you could expand on with your themes if you ever want to make this a longer story. The idea of fighting against the mold of what anybody, including yourself, want you to be with acting out and being irresponsible, is very strong and vivid. Please don't stop writing. :-)