The Lonely One

She was sitting all alone

The only noise was a groan

 

It came from deep inside

She wanted to be up there and glide

 

With the birds and clouds

Flying there, feeling proud

 

She knew it was a dream

Just sitting there by a stream

 

She liked to walk about

With no care, just scream and shout

 

Her head kept on spinning

While she lay there singing

 

Songs about the future

With flashback of the torture

 

Hitting and punching

All her bones crunching

 

She suddenly started to cry

She wants to be up there and fly

 

She wants to be a bird

She knew that it was absurd

 

Then when she was sleeping

A bird came over and started peeping

 

Looking around then started flying

Round and round, always prying

 

She awoke and saw the bird

Flying around quite absurd

 

She stood up and began to thought

What’s it like not to be caught?

 

Flying free without a care

Then she thought, should I dare?

 

She climbed up high

JUMPED

Saw she could fly

 

She flew up fast

Hoped the feeling would last

 

But then sun broke

And she awoke.

Reviews

[Bare Trees]

Try not to let the rhymes guide you. They become forced that way. Example:

She stood up and began to thought
What’s it like not to be caught?

The word thought is past tense and makes no sense in that line. It's forced.

Never be afraid to revise until each line makes sense and feels right.

Other than that, I like the idea behind this.

[Kumala]

I actually had that same thought while I was typing it up but kept it as it was in the original. Should have changed it. Now I know for next time if I feel I should change something just do it. Thank you

[Bare Trees]

You're welcome. A poem takes time to write. That's the hard part. Keep writing.

[Kumala]

I shall. Thank you.

[Jackie]

other than thought and caught in lines they were. this was very refreshing although the ending. I'm not sure I perceive it as it truly is. I feel like it ended sort of tragic. but than maybe I am wrong. maybe just how I perceived it. any how a most lovely read. thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts

[Kumala]

I think it can be perceived in whatever way you want it.

[Sammie Sanchez]

Awe, I really like this one. It's me on a basis. But yeah, it's a great piece, good job! :)

[Kumala]

Thank you. I wrote this one around 10 years ago maybe even longer. I got inspiration to write from an episode of 'As Told By Ginger' haha