Broken Stars

 

 

I close my eyes and drink of the dark river of the sky

 

All my questions, hopes, and dreams, are drifting now

 

Surrendering on a lonely mountaintop, resting, gazing up

 

I see the cosmos, the immensity of time, space, love, and loss

 

Breathing, tired, I exhale the frosted memories

Broken stars are falling out of the sky

 

Filtering through the bridge of the galaxy

 

Gentle as snowflakes, down to this earth

 

Falling on me like tears, brilliant diamond droplets

 

I want to sleep, but how can I forget this pain?

 

There is an absence of the ocean, the waters I loved

 

Under my eyes my tears reflect the night like quicksilver

 

Hours, days, years, lifetimes, wheeling above

 

 

Little by little I become a transparent memory

 

Unable to hold on to find the morning

 

The wind carries away the embers of my dreams

 

The last sparkling dust of my body drifts away

 

To join unnamed constellations

 

Never to be gathered up again

 

Reviews

[brian]

One suggestion..the last line: "Gone forever."
Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this piece, and I like how you kept the font small, as it gave the feel of little fragments of stars getting smaller and smaller, until they became one with the nighttime sky. It was a really whimsical feel, and relaxing. I enjoyed it. (=

[Kuandio]

Thank u Brian, and it does seem to read better with that suggestion

[brian]

You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. (=

[K writes]

This is such a wonderful write......

[Kuandio]

Thanks K writes

[Sami Khalil]

Magical, tender and memorable. Every line unfolds into a new vista. Glad to see you again.

[Kuandio]

thank you my friend

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

This is nice... well written

[Finn]

Very nice poems I enjoy reading some of your poem's or at least the ones I have read

[PHFASCES]

This is an enjoyable piece. Interesting use of words too.
A unique flow too. I felt like I was laying in grass staring at the stars and thinking of my place in this world when I readthis poem. Thanks for sharing it.

[Kuandio]

Thanks. The poem came out of the blue one night looking at the stars, near the ocean

[Penelope Voljeti]

One suggestion that I have for this piece would be to insert some more concrete and directly relatable things, such as the feeling rather than just the actual viewing of the sky. This could make the larger idea of the poem more relatable and connected to the reader. Otherwise, this is a really nice piece.

[Kuandio]

Sounds like it could be good advice
Thank u

[Penelope Voljeti]

no problem. Thanks for sharing :)

[Lyingwithlions]

Captivating from the start. Happy to have picked this one! Looking foward to reading more.

[Emily]

Wow! that first line really pulled me into this magical piece. It's so tender and beautiful. It tells a story by implication, not blunt facts, and that's the best part. Amazing write!!!

[Jordan]

Some say Kaiju's tear ducts grew six sizes that day...