Deception

There was never anyone else. He thought he wasn't alone. He thought she was the one that could cure her. Everything he thought was wrong...

Deception

Tick.. tock.. tick.. tock, I couldn't make it stop. It just kept getting louder and louder, there was nothing I could do... Nothing. I tried to remember her kisses, her love... Her. I was so alone. I didn't mean it. I loved her. They just wouldn't believe me. Why would I do that. Why did I do that. She was so kind, so innocent, so alive. And I just took it from her. I sat up on the hard bed and looked around. I was like a house bird.. Trapped. No where to run, no where to hide. I put my hands threw my hair pulling at it as the cement walls and iron bars mocked me. I grabbed my knees and pulled them to my chest. Rocking back and forth... Back and forth. I needed to be free I needed to get out. I slowly crawled out of the bed and onto the floor. I sat in the corner and started scratching at the wall. My fingernail had started to bleed from all the scratching. Just once more. Just a little more pain. Just keep... I couldn't. It hurt to much. I smeared the blood from my finger on the wall. I couldn't do this anymore. I needed to change. I needed something to change! I slammed my fist into the wall and screamed. I need her, she's the only one who can calm me. She was... Facing the corner I sat with my knees at my chest, as I rocked back and forth... Back and forth...
She was perfect. The one I have been seeking for. The one that will make me better. The one that will accept me. I sat alone at a lunch table staring at her through the crowds. Her straight blonde hair was so perfect, never a hair out of place. Her skin, so smooth, so clear, so beautiful. Her eyes, such a beautiful blue. Her smile, oh her smile was just all around amazing her teeth, so straight, so white, so perfect. I have stared at her everyday for about a year. I wanted her. I needed her. Just looking at her made me sane. Laughter arose from the crowds as I felt something drip down my face and back. I turned around to see Austin the quarterback pouring his milk from his lunch tray on my head. For six years he has been pushing me around. For what? To feel better about himself? He doesn't know what I'm capable of. He doesn't know what I could do. Slowly I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. I walked swiftly and quietly through the halls. They don’t know what its like. To be tossed around all the time. To be treated like I was worthless. For now they don't know… They will know… Soon... I locked the door behind me before sitting in the corner with my knees at my chest, rocking back and forth… Tears started running down my face. The pain they cause me… so agonizing. I looked at the crusted  blue wall through my tears. The cement was cracked and the paint was chipped... So imperfect... So vexatious. I slowly touched my hand to the wall shaking as I did so. I started scratching at the wall, slowly not feeling any pain on the outside only inside. I started scratching harder peeling the blue off the wall and letting the cement shave off my nail little by little. Blood was transferred from my finger to the wall. I kept scratching harder and harder letting the inside pain disappear while the outside pain made itself more visible. Not letting my hand off the wall I hit my head against the wall… One… Two… Three times. Finally I took my hand off the wall, standing up I looked down at the new imperfection I have made on the wall.

I layed on the couch of my apartment waiting for my younger brother Jaxon to get home. Our parents left us when I was sixteen and Jaxon was seven. Its been two years of waiting for them to come home yet they never have, and I have come to realize they never will. Jaxon came home about ten minutes later.

“How was school?” Jaxon said as he walked through the door and sat on the couch next to me. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Tell me what happened.” I cringed when he said that. I told him about Austin. Jaxon stood up and started pacing. His face became red and his eyes filled with tears. Just as fast as the tears started they stopped. He had started to punch the counter top screaming as he did so. Jaxon had finally started to calm down, he sat back down on the couch and looked at me.

“They will stop, They will all stop hurting you, don’t worry. Anything else happen?” I shook my head.

“Jospeh? Tell me.” He said in a stern voice.

“Fine, there’s a girl.” Jaxon raised his eyebrows and gave me a look saying ‘tell me about her.’

“Her name is Emma. I am too scared to talk to her though, I want to tell her how I feel.” Jaxon didn’t say anything for a while he just stared.

“Tell her how you feel, tomorrow, don’t hold back. I am sure she is an understanding person.”  He patted me on the shoulder and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Jaxon has been the one to take care of me since mom and dad left. I know I should be the one to take care of him but he is more stable than I am, He is better than I am. After dinner Jaxon and I went to bed, we share the room, the one our parents used to use. The apartment is only a one bedroom place with a small kitchen/ family room. I fell asleep pretty fast, I was woken up however when Jaxon got out of bed and left the apartment. I assumed he was using the bathroom, our toilet broke a couple weeks ago and neither of us have the money or know how to fix it, so we have been using the woods behind our apartment to use the bathroom. I didn't think much of Jaxon leaving so I fell back to sleep.

I woke up with Jaxon next to me. He helped me get ready for school, I waited for him to get on the bus before getting on my bike and riding to school. I walked into my first period class and saw her sitting right in the front seat. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she was wearing a floral shirt. I walked to the back row and sat down, I could see the back of her head perfectly. No one in the way. I followed her around all day. I had to tell her how I feel. I had to… She went to her locker after class, I followed her keeping a safe distance. I stood close to the locker, almost touching it. About four football players walked past me, I cringed and scooted closer to the row of green lockers, waiting for the impact of me being shoved into a locker. However the impact never occurred. They walked past just staring at me, with what looked like fear in their eyes. Fear? Of me? How can that be possible. Following close behind them I swiftly made my way down the hallway. I followed them into the locker room, they turned around and stared at me.

"Wh- what do you want?" They stuttered. What did I do? Why are they scared of me?

"I'm lost, what happened?" I asked, they all just stood there, not answering me. That got me angry, I hate feeling like I'm talking to a wall.

"Answer me!" I yelled. They backed away, slowly getting closer to the rusted yellow gym lockers.

"Austin. He's dead, and you killed him." I backed away a little. No. I didn't kill anyone. I would never. But did I? No. It's not possible. I was in bed all night. But... Jaxon? He left last night. He said they would stop that he would make sure of it. Did he... No. He's too good. To kind.

"I didn't kill anyone!" I yelled they all put their backs against the lockers.

"I didn't! And if you mention this to anyone I will..." I stopped, I didn't know what to say.

"You were warned." I said before storming off. I ran out of the locker room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Pacing back and forth I ran my hands threw my hair, pulling at it, taking some out of my head and transferring it into my hands. They think I did it. They think I killed him. I would never… Right? No! Don’t second guess yourself. You didn’t do it. But who did? How did he die? Maybe it is a coincidence… Maybe. I stopped pacing and stared into the corner where I left part of myself on the wall. I stared at it… There was something about it that made me cringe. I looked closely at the mark and saw six letters… A… U… S… T… I...N… Shivers ran up my spine. I needed to leave I needed to calm down. My mind quickly switched subjects. Her. Emma. I promised I would talk to her today.

I walked out of the bathroom and towards the lunch room. I sat down two tables away from her, and stared. She was like an angel sent from God himself just for me. Slowly I got up and walked toward her lunch table.

"Hi." I said, standing at the end of the table looking at her.

"Um, hi?" She had such a nice voice, so soft so perfect.

"Do you want to go to dinner with me tonight at Olive Garden?" The words rolled quickly off my tongue. She gave me a surprised look then looked at her friends. She leaned closer to her friends to say something quietly to them. They all giggled before looking back at me.

"Sure, six o'clock sound good?"

"Yeah perfect, see you then!" I walked away fast and sat back down at my table looking at the back of her head.

I paced back and forth waiting for Jaxon to come home. I couldn't wait to tell him about my date. Thanks to him I even had this date. Jaxon's bus pulled up and he came running inside.

"She said yes!" I yelled and picked Jaxon up spinning him around.

"Really? That's great! What time are you leaving?" He laughed and pushed my hands so I would put him down.

"Around six, we are going to Olive Garden I will bring you home something." Jaxon smiled and went into the bedroom to put his backpack away. Jaxon picked out my clothes for the date while I showered. At around 5:30pm I got on my bike and started riding my bike to Olive Garden. I got there at around 6:10pm but she wasn't there yet so I ran across the street to the florist to get her some flowers. I sat in front of Olive Garden waiting for her in the cold. Ten minutes... Nothing. Thirty minutes... Nothing. An hour passed and still nothing. She wasn't coming. She stood me up. I got back on my bike and rode home. Does she think this is some kind of joke? Does she think she its funny? I thought she was perfect. I thought she would except me. I thought she knew. She didn't. She is just like the others. Just here to cause me pain. I threw my bike at the bike rack outside our apartment and ran inside. Pacing back and forth, running my hands threw my hair, screaming. I couldn't take it. Jaxon came out of the bedroom.

"What happened." His eyes were wide. I couldn't tell him what happened not with the theory of him killing Austin. But I had to. He's my brother. I can't keep things from him.

"Sh- she stood me up." I said threw short breaths and tears. Jaxon didn't say anything he just looked at me. He looked angry and sad. Jaxon took my hand and brought me into our bedroom. He laid down I laid next to him. Holding his hand I fell asleep.

I was woken up at around 12:35am by Jaxon getting out of bed and leaving the house again. I knew he wasn't going to the bathroom. I had a feeling I knew what he was going to do. I got out of the bed and followed Jaxon a couple miles down the road into another neighborhood, the houses around us were huge, the streets were neatly paved. Everything looked perfect. But I know nothing can be perfect. I knew that in the big perfect houses were torn families and broken dreams. Jaxon stopped in front of a large blue and white house and started climbing up a ladder to the second story window. Quietly I followed behind, keeping a safe distance so Jaxon wouldn't notice me. When I reached the top I climbed into the house and into a bedroom. The room was pink with white curtains for the closet and windows, there was a white desk with a mirror and a shelf of makeup and schoolwork. I looked closely at the name written on one of the papers sticking out of the binder Emma. I looked over to where Jaxon was standing, he was standing by the bed looking at Emma breathe deep and peaceful.

"This is for you." Jaxon said looking at me as he held up a knife over Emma's head. Jaxon thrashed the knife down onto Emma's head...

I looked at the knife in my hand. Covered in blood. My knuckles were white from holding the knife so tightly. I dropped the knife and screamed. Putting my hand to my face I cried letting my tears mix with the blood from Emma's head. Why? Why would I do this? No... Why did I do this?