I'll Hate Myself Tomorrow

another piece from the bowels of my black and broken heart.

A second to want

A minute to make

Four weeks to heal

And a life full of regret

 

Neat red lines

Turn putrid greed

And finally heal

To be white scars

 

Love of the pain

Because love of the ugliness

Than hatred of yourself

And finally hatred of the wounds

 

They can’t be undone

It’s too late to take it back

They’ll always haunt me

And bring back the memories

 

Terrible marks

Of cruelty and pain

They mark my suffering

And my weakness

 

I want more

To dance upon my flesh

But the old are enough

To make me sick

 

She fights me too

Begging for it to stop

Because the one’s on me

Remind her of herself

 

Lies are told

They’re from a cat

Falling down stairs

Anything but the truth

 

But I know everything

The location of the knife

Hidden craftily

In my pink room

 

I know why they exist

Because I couldn’t stand

To listen to mother

Babble on any longer

 

He worries about me

Says this will kill me

I know he’s right

But can’t really stop

 

I hate these marks

These traitorous scars

But a love for them exists

In the deeper folds of my mind

 

I want them gone

Yet I still desire more

So just one cut

And I’ll hate myself tomorrow

Reviews

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A true sentiment that guards ones self from ever truly blaming anyone, well done, good read.

[Rachel Anderson]

Are you stalking me? Cause this is my freakin' life right here. When you say "I couldn't stand to listen to mother babble any longer," that's exactly how I feel. My mother picks and picks until there's nothing left. Then you say, "He worries about me, says this will kill me, I know he's right, but I really can't stop." This is my ex. We had so many arguments about this. He would kiss my stomach, wishing so badly he could heal them. But I couldn't stop, so we broke up. This poem is so personal for me.

[J.V. Stanley]

I've known a lot of cutters in my time, one happens to be a dear friend of mine and her arms and legs are all clearly drawn upon. Though I can understand how physical pain can trump emotional pain any day. Admittedly, instead of cutting I tend to get a piercing whenever I get my heart broken. This time though, it'll be a tattoo I think, a subtle reminder to be more wary in the future. We all need our reminders but some can be more damaging than others.

Not many people are brave enough to write about this topic. I applaud you for this piece. I most especially enjoyed the last stanza.

[Nath]

Very sad and very well written.
It's a great take on the conflict between wanting to feel the relief cutting can bring while not wanting to have to face the consequence at the same time.
It's truly a great poem, keep them coming!