One of the Bad Days

A day in the life of me, written for a competition. This literally describes the way i live, so if you're ever wondering about who i am or what im about read this first.

Images of children laughing with their proud parents danced through her head as she slept. Children of all ages, surrounding her as she watched them play. Then the pictures go dark and only two face appears. The woman before her has a similar face, close enough to know that this is her mother. The face looms over Krystyl and words drip from its lips and burn like acid. “You’re not good enough.” The mother drawls. “I can’t be bothered to stay with you”

          Krystyl watches in horror as her mother’s face begins to fade. “Mommy, come back, I can’t do this without you.” She runs forward, chasing the disappearing image. “Please don’t leave me like Daddy did.” She can almost grab her mother’s hair and she reaches desperately, then trips forward. When she looks up from where she has landed there is nothing but blackness. Her mother is gone.

          Krystyl wakes up crying for her mother, her step father is sitting on the edge of the bed, gently gripping her shoulders. “Kryssy, it’s ok, it was just a dream.” He says softly as her eyes flutter open.

            “Oh why did she leave me.” Krystyl wails, leaning into her step father’s warm embrace. “What did I do wrong.” She cries into his shirt, leaving large wet stains across the image of Yogi Bear.

            “You didn’t do anything I promise.” The man replies, holding her tightly. “She’s the one that made the mistakes.” Krystyl doesn’t say anything more, just cries into her step father’s arms until her eyes are dry and empty. “Get yourself dressed, I’ll take you and Matthew to breakfast.” He says, referring to her six year old half-brother, who is standing in the doorway concerned.

            “Can I have a hug baby-face?” Krystyl asks, spreading her arms out and the child runs to her. She scoops him up and holds him as close as she can. “I love you Matthew.” She whispers before setting him down. “Can we go to the Big Boy? I don’t want to go anywhere in town, what if I see her?” Her being Krystyl’s ex best friend as of a few days before.

            “Yeah, we’ll go out of town, just get yourself cleaned up.” Her step father takes Matthews hand and leaves, shutting the door on his way out. As soon as she’s alone Krystyl begins to cry again and she scratches violently at her arm. The area turns bright red, making the long white scars stand out against her skin. She could already tell that this was going to be a bad day for her, the insatiable itching of her arm indication that she’d be struggling not to cut for most of it.

            She reached over and grabbed her phone, almost ready to call the girl who had screamed at her just a few days ago. But she couldn’t bother her with these feelings, Maggie didn’t want anything to do with her anymore and it would be pointless to call for help if she knew she was only going to get yelled at. So she dialed a different number, the one for the one person who never left her side. It rang once, twice, three times, then got halfway through the final ring before her boyfriend groggily answered. “Hey Kryssy.” He said softly.

            “Dal, I can’t do this anymore.” She wailed into the phone. “I miss my mom and now Maggie and I don’t know what to do.” She curled into a ball on her bed, sniffling.

            “Oh Kryssy, I’m so sorry baby.” Dal said, suddenly more awake. “Maggie can’t go around trying to push religion on everyone, that’s not your fault at all.”

            “But it is, maybe if I’d have tried to listen to her, or at least been a better friend to her this wouldn’t have happened.” Krystyl responded, her eyes traveled up and down her arm, there were a total of six easily visible scars, and several more that she could see only if she really focused on them. “I just want to cut so bad right now.”

            “It’s going to be alright Kryssy.” Dal reassured her softly. “I know it’s hard right now, but it will get easier in time. Please don’t hurt yourself honey bee, for me?” he sounded terrified as he said the final few words.

            “I’m trying so hard.” Krystyl told him, “But when these scars are screaming at me like this and I have no one to go to it’s so difficult.” She banged her fist into the wall, the loud sound echoing through her room.

            “I wish I could say I know what you’re going through sweetie, but I can’t.” Dal said quietly. “But you know I’m always here for you and I’ll do anything to help you get better.”

            “I know baby.” Krystyl whispered. “I love you so much.”

            “I love you more than anything in the whole universe.” Dal replied, she could hear the smile in his voice.

            “I just wish I could do something to fix this between Maggie and me, maybe then it’d be easier.”

            “What can you do Kryssy? She refused to support your choices and was always trying to control your decisions.” Dal told her, not accusing, just factual. “She tried to convince you that I was going to ruin your life.”

            “I know, and I told her if she ever made me choose that you would win.” Krystyl said quickly. “But we were best friends for four years baby.”

            “Four years of great memories, but if you don’t let go now those four years will be tainted with all the hatred that will spring up.” He said. “If you let it go on a high note of how happy you were for four years, then you have good memories to look back on instead of painful ones.” Krystyl fell silent, thinking, she knew he was right, but it still hurt to lose the people she cared about. “Besides, you’re going off to college soon and you’ll be able to make a whole ton of new friends, some even better than Maggie, friends that will stick for life. And you’ll get to see me more often, and even stay in my apartment with me sometimes.”

            “Yeah, new friends.” Krystyl smiled, but in her head she kept thinking of the judgment she would face. No one wanted a cutter as a friend, let alone a crazy poetic one like Krystyl. “Well I gotta go baby, Dad is going to take me to breakfast.”

            “Call me when you get home ok? I want to make sure you’re ok.” Dal said sweetly. “I love you so very much Kryssy.”         

            “I love you too turtledove, and I promise I’ll call you.” She blew a kiss into her phone, “Bye baby.”

            “Bye my busy queen bee.” Dal blew a kiss back and Krystyl hung up slowly.  She sat up and buried her head in her knees. Not even Dal could really cheer her up right now. She peaked out from the gap between her knees at the carebear sitting on her bed. There was a slit running up the animals back and she reached for it quickly, pulling out stuffing to reveal the small artists knife that she had stashed. The blade was clean and lovely, the weight of it in her hand felt perfect. She placed it against her skin, then stopped. “No, I can’t do this, Dal needs me to stop.” She swallowed and stashed the knife, throwing the carebear across the room. “I have to be strong for him.” But the itching in her arm remained, she needed the release. This was going to be one of her bad days.