What I Crave

He was always hungry, and no matter what he ate he couldn't fix it. There was only one thing that could ease his begging stomach, and that's what ended him up in the institute for the rest of his lif.

He was hungry, always so hungry. They gave him food, but it wasn’t what he needed, he wanted something more, craved more. But he couldn’t get it, not with the jacket that covered his upper body. Not with the way the way they kept him completely covered and unable to get any portion of his body up to his mouth. He could snap at them when they came in, but the flavor wasn’t right. It couldn’t quench his endless hunger. So he had to rely on the only area of his body that his teeth had access to.

            He bit down roughly on his tongue, feeling the sharp pain as a chunk pulled off the tip of it. He rolled it around in his mouth, closing his eyes gently. The sweet, coppery taste of blood covered the few taste buds he had left and it was the most refreshing thing he’d ever experienced. He let the bit of flesh stay there in his mouth for a few seconds before he swallowed it, sucking more blood from the wound to go along for the ride.

            His teeth found his lip and he tore into it, blood running down his chin in thin streams. It dripped down and stained the faded white of his jacket and he let out a soft moan. This is what he’s been craving, what he’s needed so badly. The taste of his own skin, his blood, is divine. Another bite into the lip heightens his pleasure and he’s comforted by the familiarity of it.

            He hears the lock on his door and swallows the pool of blood he managed to get into his mouth. He can’t let them take that from him, not this time. There are three of them, all in white coats and he snarls. They get close and he shakes his head wildly, unable to stand without the use of his arms. Drops of blood whip out from his face, staining the coats that surround him. Two of them recoil, gasping and shrinking away from the onslaught.

            One of them leans in, grabbing his face and holding it still, looking up at the other two. “This students, is Teryl Gauthier. He’s been with us for three years now. Can either of you tell me what condition he has?” He has a vice like grip on Teryl’s head, forcing him to look up at the eager young faces before him.

            “Is he schizophrenic?” The one on the right, a little blonde girl with glasses perched high on her nose, poses the answer as a question, not fully confident. She’s cute, barely old enough to be here and most likely going home to a boyfriend that takes her for granted. Teryl knows this, because he used to be one of those boys. The perky blonde reminded him of the wife he left at home.

            “That’s Autophagia.” The boy beside her sneers in a condescending manner. “He’s eating himself, not hallucinating.” Teryl hates the boy. He’s been in here before, without the head doctor, staring at Teryl for hours in fascination. He always came right after the sedation, when Teryl couldn’t even turn his head to look at him, let alone curse at the boy like he did to the other doctors.

            The girl blushes, looking down and meeting Teryl’s eyes by mistake. The blush sits high on her cheeks and she’s lovely, so much like the wife that doomed him to stay here forever. The wife he hated now. He despised the girl, and in order to make her leave he gives her a crazed grin, showing off the blood that’s coated the inside of his mouth. “Oh my god.” She stumbles back, turning her face away.

            “We’re gonna have to put you down Mr. Gauthier, can’t have you removing all of your tongue now can we?” The doctor behind him places a cup of pills in front of his face, tipping his head back and plugging his nose, forcing him to swallow them. Teryl hacks and coughs when the doctor lets his head go, pulling him up onto the bed. The room spins around him and he can barely hear what’s going on. “Sleep well.” The doctor chides, leading the two younger ones back out of the cell.

            Teryl blacks out, soon to wake up and begin the cycle again.

*   *   *

The students arrive, bright eyed and eager to make the rounds through the institute. They don’t realize that this is the beginning of them signing their lives away. Once in the institute you either work, or become a patient, there was no other option. By choosing to study the lovely hospital they tagged themselves as potential victims if they couldn’t handle the patients they’d be meeting.

            Teryl was a first choice for many reasons. His disorder was rare, something that normally went along with other conditions but his stood alone. He was also a good test of their stomachs. It wasn’t everyday you encountered a man who devoured his own flesh as a pleasure source.

            The man locked up in that room had scared away many interns, all of whom were now residing in ward 4 with anyone else who tried to leave the institute. They couldn’t be allowed to spread rumors. The institute was considered the best in the country, mainly due to its massive size and its willingness to take any case, regardless of how serious or foolish.

            He couldn’t hide his smile when he swung open the door to reveal the retrained man. Teryl had already begun his assault on his own body, which was exactly what the doctor had hoped. The room stank of blood, both old and new. Teryl’s cruel nature made the cleaning staff reluctant to come in here and the stench added to the atmosphere. He braces himself for the imminent splash of blood that always came when he entered the room.

            The students both reacted as everyone did, flinching away and trying to avoid the spray. He could have stopped the patient long before he had started to shake his head, but that would be too simple. Capturing Teryl’s head was surprisingly simple, maybe the deranged man was getting used to the routine. The lesson to be taught was not to name illnesses, but to be able to keep a distance from emotions. When he had gotten an answer from the boy he led them both into the hall.

            “So what should we do with him then?” He questioned, handing both of them a copy of Teryl’s charts.

            The girl looked them over carefully, studying every word. “He’s on much too small a dose of the antipsychotic. You really should up that.” She said the words with confidence, holding her head high.

            “She’s right, you should also allow him less time restrained. He needs to be able to function without that whole get up to get better.” The boy added, staring down at the red blotches on his jacket with disgust.

            “Wrong, he will remain as he is. The patients here are to be studied. How can we study his condition if we treat it?” The doctor cocked his head, not expecting a response.

            “That’s terrible! You can’t do that to people. They have a chance to get better and return to normal life. You can’t deny them that.” The girl gaped at him, hey eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

            “We can, and we have.” The doctor, folded his arms in front of him, ready to make a final decision. “You can choose now, will you work for out institute?”

            They sat silent, glancing between the doctor and the room they had just exited. The boy spoke first. “I’ll stay, it seems like an interesting opportunity to learn about these conditions.” He smiled eagerly. From the start he seemed desperate to take in as much information as possible. There was no doubt in the doctor’s mind that he would make a good addition to the staff.

            The girl frowned. “I’m sorry sir, but I’ll have to go find elsewhere to work. I’m just not cut out for this.” She looked down at the ground, deeply distressed.

            “I understand.” The doctor said soothingly. “Please come with me, I can help you get out of the ward.” He gestured her to follow and she did. He turned to the boy, “You can head back to my office young man, I’ll return soon to help you settle in.”

            He didn’t wait for a response as he took the girl down the hall and out of ward one. She was oblivious to what she had done, but that was alright, she’d learn soon enough.