Brief esay about me

I wake up from a restful sleep and stumble my way to the bathroom, eyes half open and the desperate need to pee. A couple minutes later, I come out of the bathroom and see a person. They have a mannish face with a bristly, almost blackish beard covering it. There was a bony chest with little hairs in between the unkempt beard and the beer belly that, if they were born female, would make them look like they were pregnant. Then you would see the large fat containers most people would call legs. Then I notice that this person was me, the me i see in the mirror. ” I’m ugly. No one would want me.” these thought run through my mind several times a day. But how did I get such thoughts? Where do these thoughts originate? I suggest we look through my memories and maybe we’ll find the answers to such questions. Remember your childhood? What about those friends you had back then? Are you still friends now? If you are, how envious am I of you! I could never make any true friends. It was because of the fact that I was an awkward child who just so happened to be a crybaby till high school. And on top of that, my dad had moved several times to his promotions with work. I use to pretend to be ok and cheerful every time I moved to somewhere new…. Until the bully started. Making friends was easy. Keeping them was extremely hard due to the fact that my “normal” was “awkward and uncomfortable” for most people. Being an overly sensitive coward, who was afraid of getting hurt in any aspect, didn’t sit well for most people and my physical beauty was not much to be liked. And because of those two things, close friends were a dream I couldn’t have.Then there is my family. To say my family and I didn’t get along is an understatement! We but heads so much that I’m honestly we are all still alive. I grew up with a dad, who never tried long enough to have a steady relationship, a step-mother, who stayed at home for too long and tried to force me into telling her all about me when I wasn’t ready, and a half-brother, who was always so loud that it got on last nerves. On top of that, I was the “bad kid who never will amount to nothing.” I ended playing that role real well, and paid that price to this day, unfortunately. ‘Cause of that and my temper was always high when I was with them, we never got any sort of time to get to really know or trust one another. So the familial relationship most people obtain I never got. And that set me apart from other people even more. Now you must be wondering how this all fits together, right? An outcast as a child and a “villain” in the home. Tell me where do they fit? For the longest time, I thought no where. In fairy tales, you hear of the villains getting their just desserts and losing everything they so cruelly obtained. As someone who was not really wanted anywhere, where was I to go? And thus the terrible thoughts came forth. “I’m ugly. I’m worthless. No one would want me.” And over the years, they continued and never stopped. Only grew stronger. Who was I to stop them, when they were right?A few years after I left my father’s house, I became homeless. During that time, no really cared about me. Being homeless and alone was nice, no real resopnibilty and commitment to anyone or anything. Until it became really boring and dull. I decided that I need a change, a major one. I wanted out of my old life and wanted to start anew. The only way was to change my thought process. So now I started to tell myself, “You are beautiful. You can do this. Someone will want, if you prove to yourself that you can be someone worth wanting.” And thus with these first steps I started on the road to self betterment, but that story is for another day another time another place.