Lighting the Fire Within (excerpt)

Introduction

I never knew God in the way that other people seemed to. I saw Him as someone merely with authority, who was distant from the world, who inspired a book filled with some nice and not-so-nice stories. He was up in the clouds watching us run amok and hurt each other, never choosing to intervene. I thought that I should get results if I prayed, and whether that happened or not, I thought that it was too tedious to do every day anyway.

I had a very neutral outlook on faith and Christianity and sadly, I think it’s something that is experienced by many Christians. I used to think that if I did all the right things then that was enough. If I didn’t swear, didn’t do drugs, and respected my elders then I’d be fine. All I had to do was believe that God existed and I’d get into heaven.

Right?

Well, this perception only led me to ask questions. What was the point of us even being on earth? Why would God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why would He create us in the first place just to let us live in a world of sin and pain? What was my purpose? How can I be sure God is even real? Am I just believing in Him “just in case”?

Unlike now, as I have confidence in God’s active existence, these questions only depressed me. It made me question my worth, my purpose, my future. I was anxious to think God didn’t care about me down here, if He even existed at all.

I never had true, inner joy or peace about anything until I let God change my heart. It wasn’t His job to force me into a relationship with Himself, that’s the reality of free will, rather it was my choice either to change things or continue on with my lukewarm and rocky faith. He’d already reached down to me by sacrificing His Son for my redemption; He was simply waiting for me to reach out to Him for that real and true relationship.

I didn’t think that was possible, to have a relationship with someone unseen. It was too far beyond my human mind’s capacity. But the moment I allowed Him to fill me with His Spirit, my eyes were opened to the amazing, incomprehensible relationship that was to supersede everything else in my life. And just like the birth of a new relationship, all I wanted to do was get to know Him better. I read the Bible with fresh eyes, I prayed to Him from my heart, I changed how I loved people, I burned with a desire to live in the way He intended. I began to love Him more than I thought I ever could. He began to light a fire within me.

I’m not perfect. I never will be. But it doesn’t matter, because God has made it possible for me to live each day with great purpose, to feel an inner, unexplainable joy, to know I’m worthy because He alone has called me worthy. For so long I missed out on all this because I had a distorted perception of faith. Unfortunately a lot of people go through their entire life thinking they just have to believe in God and that’s enough; I’ve been there and yes, sometimes it’s easier just to stay in our comfort zones, but now that I know how beautiful life can be when we take that leap of faith for Him, I want everyone to experience the same. When Jesus met me at my darkest hour, He embraced me in His loving and welcoming arms; no judgement, no condemnation, no shame. I don’t want anyone to miss out on the touch of Jesus.

That’s why I wrote this book.