Chapter One - Adrienne

"If you get trapped in the idea that what is most important is what image of yourself you're giving to the world, you're on a dangerous path." - Jeanne Moreau

  They'd gotten married overlooking the ocean. The surroundings were impeccable, Daniel's smile spoke a thousand words and Adrienne felt like she was stuck in a fairytale yet fearing slightly that it would end and she'd wind up alone. That never happened though. She was married. Married to her prince. She had a ring on her finger. She would be able to wake up next to her best friend, look him in the eyes and enjoy a Sunday brunch together. They would share the tube of toothpaste, know each other's clothes drawers inside out, walk the same floors every day and laugh their way through soap fights while doing the dishes. They'd cook each other breakfast, share a glass of wine, watch the same TV programs and know each other's scents. Their lives would be entwined into one; they'd become a unity.

Or that's what Adrienne imagined when she held Daniel's hands during the ceremony and promised him her life when she read her vows.

That's how she thought they'd end up. It was corny, she knew that. Hell, she worked in advertising, she knew when something was corny. But it was a desire and a place she truly believed they'd reach.

The first week after their honeymoon and once they'd moved into their rental home soon proved Adrienne's desire otherwise. Nothing turned out as it should have.

Daniel left dirty washing scattered around the lounge room. He never helped with the dishes, not even taking the time to soak his plates. He'd get into moods when he didn't get his way and sometimes Adrienne felt like she was married to a five year old boy. She used to have a group of friends when she was single who admired her for her strength and passion; now she didn't even know where those friends were. She'd stopped seeing them when Daniel came into the picture, not by her own choice but by the single overwhelming desire to please the man who said he loved her.

Adrienne didn't realise she was trapped in a consistent stream of lies until she stepped outside one morning to take a walk and five minutes in she turned around and headed home. She was void of energy and joy; something that used to always consume her.

Nowadays all she did was make sure all of Daniel's needs were met. Without even realising it, she'd spend hours sitting in the arm chair by the window just staring into space until he arrived home from work.

It wasn't the exciting and limitless marriage she'd dreamed of. Her parents had cut ties with her for settling with Daniel and not marrying a man they approved of. They didn't even attend their wedding. Now that she thought about it, neither did any of her relatives; perhaps simply one or two friends who were also absent from her life now too.

Adrienne never thought she'd settled. She just kept thinking, what if Daniel was the only one? What if you only got one choice; loneliness or unhappiness? Life was pretty crummy so she wasn't surprised there could only be two possibilities; she'd felt them both and couldn't possibly pick one as being more bearable than the other. Perhaps then she had settled. Was that such a bad thing? Either way she was settling. And it felt horrible.

It was only ten thirty in the morning, so Adrienne had the rest of the day to occupy herself. Most days she wished she hadn't given up her job to Daniel; she should've stood her ground and said 'no' the minute he manipulatively suggested it. Now she was stuck doing freelance graphic design for a number of different advertising firms. Daniel didn't want her to get a job out there in the world, hell, he was probably afraid she'd eventually find some sort of celestial Truth and begin to see through him. He snatched her job from under her fingertips the second they got married. He said she'd be more productive working from home as she'd be able to keep the house in check while she was at it. In other words, she had time to cook, clean and wash.

Adrienne slouched over her desk and stared blankly at the contracts before her. She spread a palm over one page fighting her brain for inspiration. She couldn't grasp anything here though. She spent too much time cooped up in this place and she was desperate to flee into the outside world.

'He's not going to know,' Adrienne said to herself as she collected together her work desk. 'By the time I get back he won't have even left work. How could he possibly know where I've been?'

It was kind of exciting. Adrienne felt a bit like a teenage girl again; she was doing something forbidden and it was exciting for her. It was like sneaking out of the house to crash a party at midnight and then revelling in the excitement when there was casual chat around the breakfast table, no one having suspected a thing.

That was when she paused and had to laugh. She was sneaking around her husband. He was the one she should've been sneaking around her parents to meet at one in the morning. It was a laugh that escaped passed her lips, but her eyes expelled sadness. It wasn't funny, not really.

Adrienne's body was already aching from the yoga class that morning. Maybe she shouldn't have tried to do that backbreaking scorpion pose. With her forearms as the only support she had and her legs attempting to flow over top of her head, she'd ended up a toppling mess on the floor. Most of the others were too afraid to break their pose to get a look at the unbalanced beginner so fortunately she hadn't suffered too much humiliation. However, she had been determined. She'd felt a freeing kind of emotion when she'd stepped through the doors; she just wanted to let loose.

But then she wasn't as loose as she'd thought and nearly snapped her spine in the process.

It was nice to walk down the street and be out of the house. Adrienne felt like a prisoner at times. She wasn't bound by Daniel, not in a physical sense, it wasn't to that extreme, she was bound by her complete lack of desire for life. Daniel had forced her to cascade down into a state of utter intolerance; he'd emotionally blackmailed her into thinking she allowed herself into the marriage, therefore she should remain in faith to him and him only. She wasn't married to the world or the people of the world. She was married to him. He was the one she had to account for.

And in fear she believed it.

Halfway down the street, Adrienne stopped and in fear, turned around and returned home.