Prologue - Dear Daniel...

The first of the four young women, Adrienne, is bound by her husband's unlawful expectations and her overwhelming self-doubt.

  Adrienne McHughes was pushing herself to the limits. She was in pain, crippling pain, but she knew it was for a good purpose. Sweat beads began to trickle down her forehead, one even landed in her eye which she disturbingly blinked away. Her legs were burning, so much so that she thought, in that moment, that nothing else could be quite as painful as what she felt right now. Not even Daniel's words earlier on that day.

Her breathing was shaky, her muscles had been tested and tried and she just wanted to collapse. She wanted to lie down and breathe. But right now that wasn't possible; not when there were around thirty other people able to bear witness to her failure. It was like willing an end with the end never coming.

Adrienne forgot for a moment that there was a sound surrounding her. Her head felt fuzzy and her awareness of her surroundings began to diminish again.

'Now girls, find your way down to half lotus position.'

Adrienne had never been so relieved in her entire life. Her whole body was burning with exhaustion. She'd pushed herself tonight to the very core and even though she knew she'd suffer because of it, her mind was on Daniel. The whole time.

She drew her knees together and rested her wrists upon them, closing her eyes and feeling the blood pulsating through her body.

Her mind should've been vacant but memories of that morning were swimming around and around. Daniel had held her tightly, caressed her hair, kissed her left temple and then pinched her waist, his hands dancing around her sides, poking and prodding her where she felt most conscious. She tried to distract his hands before they found her midriff, but as soon as they found it he launched himself up on one elbow and looked at her in question.

'You're filling out, babe.'

Filling out? It was a polite way of saying she'd gained a few kilos, gotten chubbier, created an extra unwanted layer.

Adrienne hadn't responded. She shrugged and then rolled out of bed, nonchalantly heading to the bathroom, and then dashing to the mirror when the door closed behind her. She'd peeled off her pyjama top and looked at herself from all angles. She examined every part of herself, trying to work out whether that bit of padding had been there before. If Daniel had noticed such a sudden change, why hadn't she? Her heart had been pounding and her brow was knitted in a furrow. What had she been eating? She'd never been one big on exercising but she knew she wasn't unfit. Maybe it had been slowly creeping up. First starting at her thighs, making her way to her belly, her waist, her arms. Was she starting to become a bit fatter in the face too?

'Adrienne, are you coming out for breakfast soon?' Daniel had knocked on the door and when Adrienne realised how long she'd been mulling over her body in the bathroom, she'd thought to herself, breakfast? I'm never eating again!

A voice snapped her out of herself and she opened her eyes slowly, one at a time.

'Get lost in your chakra, honey?'

Adrienne looked up at the glowing yoga instructor. It was only then that she realised the entire room had been evacuated and she was left alone with this woman in the hollow room, with herself still in mudra position looking like a complete nitwit.

'Oh... dear... gosh...' Adrienne stumbled to her feet, her face flushed as she grabbed for her bag and made for the exit. 'Sorry.'

The instructor clasped Adrienne's arm and smiled gently. 'No need. You can stay as long as your please. It's a gift to be able to lose yourself within your own being, not many people can surrender their mind so easily.'

Little did she know that Adrienne's mind was probably the most active out of anyone in the room.

'Did you want to stay and meditate with me?'

Adrienne looked into the deep, intricate eyes of the peachy instructor. How could she meditate when all she thought about was how hungry and sore she was?

'Are you troubled?'

The questions were not going to stop but Adrienne couldn't find the words to say she just needed to lose five kilos and be able to please Daniel the way that he wished she would. She wasn't going to be able to help her out with that now, was she? No amount of downward dog or bird pose was going to fix that.

The instructor's face was as soft and bright as a sunflower. She was high on her inner peace and Adrienne suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

'I remember the day my eyes were opened to the Truth. All I could do was focus on my breath and trust that the source of Love would nourish me and my soul. I've never looked back. And I know you can feel that inner energy expand your capacity of peace and contentment if you only let it.'

Adrienne stood in silence contemplating what this woman was telling her. She almost felt her knees give way and her entire body collapse onto the floor but she blinked out of her trance and shook her head.

'I have to get home. My husband will be wondering where I've been.'

The instructor squeezed Adrienne's arm gently. 'Don't let yourself be trapped in external animosity.'

As Adrienne left the building she imagined herself taking up meditation. She imagined surrounding the lounge room with candles and sweet scented aromas and perching herself on the carpet in mudra position, blocking out negative energy and feeling aroused by the peace that swallowed her.

She could never do it. Not because she didn't have the motivation or commitment but because of Daniel. He'd take one look at her and pack her off to a mental hospital. His stance in life was to be honest, upfront and straightforward. He wouldn't find the practice strange or loopy, he'd find it intimidating. He wouldn't be able to handle being ignorant of Adrienne's inner workings. He needed to see and know everything; Adrienne feared she would never be able to connect with her inner self and be at peace with who she truly was. Daniel would always be the one to shape her.

Reviews

[han_jua]

Oooooo I liiiike!!!! I'm gonna read more now!