Today was a lovely day. Our plans were made in advance. And
even though I arrived really late, she wasn’t that mad. At least not on the
outside.
I received bad
news today, news of my mother’s hospitalization. But even that could not wreck
my mood too much. I had thought this day out way too many times in my head, going
over every little detail. Being careful of what I would say, all just to ensure
that it would be perfect. We ate at a restaurant and left way too much food
uneaten.
On this
beautiful day we went to the pavilion. One of my favorite places in the world.
It was a place where the wind blew as strong as the ocean’s waves. I took all
the hugs I wanted…needed. But not nearly enough. I was experiencing serenity
like I had never imagined. I hadn’t felt such comfort in…forever. I felt at
home on that solitary ground.
The view of the
mountains set the mood so perfectly. Like an earth sized painting on a canvas
of splendor. It was the beauty of this scenery that was allowing me to conceal
all that I was feeling within.
I sat there,
quietly embracing the moment as she embraced me. Little did she know what was
taking place inside. Thankfully, she didn’t feel my heart palpitating with such
vigor as it does whenever she’s around. She didn’t know how tingly she made me
feel in my special place. She will never know how I feel about her. How can
she? When even I can’t comprehend it. She had it all; my body, my mind, my
heart, my soul, my lust, and for that moment, my trust.
She isn’t
normal. Nothing she thinks, says or does is ever normal. She’s so full of life.
I need her. I need her to keep my life excited. Yes she excites me. She
energizes me. I miss her way too much when she’s gone, but time flashes by when
we’re together. Sometimes I feel like I should tie her up and keep her tucked
away quietly in a small corner of my room so she can never leave again.
I love all her abnormalities. She makes my
kitten purr with all the crazy s**t she says and does. And of all the things
she may be, she is definitely a cute kind of crazy.
Not only is this adorably sweet, it has such an honest, refreshing simplicity of pure emotion.. no flowery words, no hidden meanings, just pure passion and real thoughts for this special person that makes your heart pitter patter with her presence... I love the title and the ending.. how wonderful is it to find that person that you feel "comfortable" with, but at the same time "excites" you and makes you nervous ... such a delicious feeling is it not?... time truly does fly by when you are with them and drag on forever when apart.. you have done a beautiful job expressing this phenomenon that a lot of us can relate to... nicely done my friend.. I really enjoyed this one...
I liked the line "earth sized ...". I thought the word choice of "special place" felt goofy (not the same tone as the rest of the piece) and pulled me out of the story. The "tie her up..." line concerned me. I like the line "wanted...needed". The narrator speaks of some bottled up negative emotions, but this is very vague. "conceal all I was feeling within" - I wonder why the narrator can't share these feelings with her.
This piece was very crisp and flows well. I enjoyed the clean and honest style you have used. The introduction might've been a little shorter maybe?
Well done and thanks for sharing. :)
That's not bad, not bad at all. You repeat the phrase "way too much" in a way that is still nice, and not really boring. I would love to say more, but this isn't really my area. I'll just say that you could most likely give us a little more hints at her being somewhat crazy as well; as it is only mentioned the one time right at the end there. Of course, that may have been for a reason, and I could just be blowing it out of my lower back. Either way, just good job. That was a nice read.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you sooo much. And yes, my failure to elaborate on her craziness was intentional.
Awhh, such a sweet kind of write..feelings of love that makes the heart sing ..beautiful emotions within this verse..love the catchy title also...very well penned ..
Well this is difficult because I've only experienced the crazy side of crazy, but I dare to say that without a little craziness in a relationship it can stagnate in a hurry. Maybe it's easy for me to say that in the light of my bipolar state, but I don't consider myself crazy, just a little slanted. This write is instructive in a way because who is anyone to say what is "normal," anyway? Sometimes the off-center people get labeled because they dare to act outside the norm. I can't take a normal relationship; I've had many and I'm glad to say that for 22 years I've been married to a woman who is decidedly "not normal," and there has rarely been a dull moment. Crazy has its benefits, and they are legend. take care...dan
A very enjoyable tale, packing so much into a few words! The articulate descriptive language is lovely. I don't have much to say that April didn't already say, but I found this a pleasure to read, also.
Not only is this adorably sweet, it has such an honest, refreshing simplicity of pure emotion.. no flowery words, no hidden meanings, just pure passion and real thoughts for this special person that makes your heart pitter patter with her presence... I love the title and the ending.. how wonderful is it to find that person that you feel "comfortable" with, but at the same time "excites" you and makes you nervous ... such a delicious feeling is it not?... time truly does fly by when you are with them and drag on forever when apart.. you have done a beautiful job expressing this phenomenon that a lot of us can relate to... nicely done my friend.. I really enjoyed this one...
I am trying to uncover the enigma of the human emotion through poetry and other forms of writing. I think that the human mind and emotion is quite interesting to i have based my inspirations on it. more..