Evanescent

Every regret ever known to man.

Help me please.

Save me. Kill me.

Take my breath, Make me breathe.

Sorry, I’m guilty.

 

Rays of sorrow…Of silence,

Shines through the smoke,

Pouring through my lips.

What have I done?

What have I become?

 

The smoke separates.

Drifting apart…Dispersed.

Pulled away from all it knows.

Pull me away.

Lead me astray.

Till I fade away.

But take me home forevermore.

 

Sweet exile.

I live…Breathe…I bleed in you.

All that I don’t want to do.

Believe in me.

Find me.

Don’t rewind me.

 

Take me apart.

Hold me in your arms.

I need to feel it.

Touch.

 

Tell me you love me.

It’s a lie.

Lie to me one more time.

 

Kiss me…Kill me.

Deconstruct me.

Destroy me…My virginity.

 

I’ll walk through the rain,

Curious to see.

To see who will shelter me.

I close my eyes.

Visualize…Everything I’m not.

I am far beyond the future,

But just beneath the end.

I disappear.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think. I look forward to constructive criticism.
This piece took 10 minutes to write. I just sat and poured out my feelings on paper.

Reviews

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Sorry - I really want to read this but the font is just awful it might be just me but I can't make out a single sentence!

[Clover94]

It's beautiful. Some emotions are hard to capture. I believe you have done a wonderful job expressing yours through this poem.

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.

[Frank]

Uhm, I found it hard to take in. I wish I could say I got something out of it, but I cannot. Desire? must be about desire, wanting to be killed is not an emotion I can relate to though.

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Its actually about the feelings of confusion and regret.

[An owl on the moon]

This is flooded with such emotional longing... the desires awakening... moving.. thriving.. So much history of you seems alive in the lines... So brilliantly confessed...

[lostfiles]

Amazing piece, love short succinct lines that add bite to the emotions. Thoroughly enjoyed this one, well done :)

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thanks a bunch.

[W R Stowe]

Your flow is good as if your soul was looking down at your feelings nice

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thanks. I just sat and wrote the first things that dropped into my head.

[W R Stowe]

That's what we do,I use to write to pictures but now I seem to pull them out from my imagination or life's experiences and your welcome

[ANTO]

I love this Kristan. There are so many deep and meaningful lines here. I dont wan to choose but these blew me away
"The smoke separates.
Drifting apart…Dispersed.
Pulled away from all it knows."

"Tell me you love me.
It’s a lie.
Lie to me one more time." --- amazing ! Even with the knowledge that the love is a lie - still they beg for it as its a salve to them - Im impressed.

I'd omit this as it isnt in keeping with the feel of the write im my opinion Kristan
"Don’t rewind me." - seems out of place somehow. what do you think?

"Kiss me…Kill me." isnt this a line from a U2 song??

The last three lines I would separate from the rest as they are as poetic and ending I have ever read
"I am far beyond the future,
But just beneath the end.
I disappear." --- enigmatic finish - I liked this poem a lot Kristan.

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thanks. But I wrote " Don't rewind me" because it holds a significant meaning to me. As far as the the U2 thing, I really wouldn't know because I don't listen to them.

[ANTO]

No I was mentioning it because it rang that particular bell in my mind - I often do that in reviews - I appreciate this is significant to you Kristan. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I really like the pleading aspect and the powerful emotions they evoke in your readers. You are climbing to the top with notches...:)....

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thanks Sami. How nice of you to say.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly...:)......

[Matching Socks]

Has a very lyrical flow to it, I like it

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thank you Ana