A Seaside Serenade

Have you ever felt like you're being over-controlled? Its time stop being orchestrated and start orchestrating.

Your dominant voice travels ever quickly,

Like the mighty ocean's breeze,

Singing songs of suppression to me,

Lyrics of sweet release.

Your voice is a representation,

Impersonation of your soul.

Unbind it from its potent cage,

Turn loose the tides below.

Can I be your inspiration?

Behind the words you've written down.

The notes that you have orchestrated,

Performs a satisfying sound.

I am a song of submission,

Written with the finest quill.

Words from the writer's body,

Tides changing at your will.

Play my notes and redefine me,

Into what your body needs.

And if I were my own song,

Would you sing along?

Would you sing along?

And let me be MY song.

Author's Note

I've made some necessary changes to contribute to the meaning og the piece.

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

I really don't understand how you can have so many views and no reviews for this piece... what the heck is that?.. some of the lines in this were exquisite.. the flow was very nice and rhymes for the most part pleasant... I like the comparisons and weaving of poetry, song, water, sounds.. it was done beautifully..


****side note******
had me scratching my head on the irony of singing songs of "silence"... and you did use "sweet" twice.. otherwise that first stanza is lovely..

I think "performs" should be without the "s" but not sure..

"Words from the waters' body,
Of waves crashing at your will."... stumbled a little here.. not sure "of waves" flows well with the imagery and idea.. maybe... "crashing waves at your will" or something like that..

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thanks for the pointers April. I'll look it over and make necessary changes. Thanks for reading me......

[AprilRN1210]

it is always a pleasure.. this is such a lovely piece, honestly.. I have sent out a few read requests as well.. such a shame that it isn't getting more attention.. ((hugs)) to you my sweet friend..

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

I've made some changes because I really respect your opinion. So let me know what u think.

[Orion]

well written i must say.. :)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I can just say, for me this piece is very profound and brilliant. It`s example how poetry should be written...and how should sound. Your words and verses always sound touching and on its place, creating a melody in the mind of reader. You are very careful poet and writer, thinking well and making visible the main object, the same like creating sculpture. The feeling, described in this poem is often met in intimate relations and love, where someone takes the role to be "dominant" and making rules for all.

I am a song of submission,
Written with the finest quill.
Words from the writer's body,
Tides changing at your will.

:: nia ::

[Mark]

So many beautifully written lines, be our own song and sing along to each other’s… love it :)
You can truly lose yourself in a one sided relationship… and in the end I doubt either party will ever achieve true happiness…
Thank you Kristan, for sharing and allowing me to reflect on this poem.

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad u liked it and could interpret it meaning with your own emotion.

[Fran Marie]

This is a lovely flowing piece..with nice rhythm and rhyme..great pen

[Kristan A. Mohammed]

Thank you sooooo much. I'm really glad that you like it. I look forward to reading some of your work.

[Lyn Anderson]

I agree with April. I guess it is all in how you look at it. I wonder about the whole view review things too. I have lots of poems with high numbers of reviews but low views, so the perception of popularity is there while the "numbers" are not. If you stop to read, why not say something? The pointers I think April gave are solid.