A Crappy Day

Nero leaps into a job before he looks, rediscovering the value of sanitation....

A Crappy Day

I

It was a cold day in Bayside, with a light rain gracing the vast, colorful city of cobblestone and elegant masonry. Denizens of all races wandered here and there, going about their business even on such a dreary, gray-clouded afternoon. For a city with such unpredictable weather, the citizens were motivated and ready to claim the day!

Most of them, anyway….

As for Nero, he was burrowed beneath a soft mountain of thick blankets that thwarted the chilling draft in his loft. Although he didn’t have to deal with noisy neighbors anymore, Nero was soon greeted with different problems in his new place. The loft was nice enough. High ceiling with plenty of space. But the windows were old, just like the majority of the “historic” buildings in the area.

If “historic” meant “old as s**t”, then sure. It was certainly a historic building to be living in.

Although an artist clearly spent a lot of time designing the elaborate artwork of the stained-glass window that resided on the northern wall, it was terrible at keeping in heat during the cold season.

Feeling the call of nature, Nero soon found it impossible not to get up and go to the bathroom. Bracing for the chill, Nero pulled himself free from the blankets. Then regretted it. Jaw chattering, he shuffled his bare feet along the hardwood flooring of the loft, inching his way to the bathroom. Passing the mirror, his dark hair was a mess, with crust still beneath his pale blue eyes.

After a quick visit to the toilet and a prolonged shower, Nero hurried to dress himself as he moved to his dresser. He threw on a thick sweater of black and red, along with a thick pair of jeans that had seen better days. Socks came next, along with rummaging around his space to find his missing belt. He looked under his desk near his office space. Nero even checked the oak table he used for potion making. His belt wasn’t even stuffed in the couch. He did, however, find the long-lost remote he couldn’t seem to find, tossing it on the coffee table that faced a large, wall-mounted entertainment screen.

After twenty minutes of searching a cursing, Nero found it in his closet near the front door, stuffed in his laundry basket, still on an old pair of pants that needed to be washed. Rather annoyed after his hunt for a belt, Nero grumbled about the chill in the loft as he marched over to his gun wall. After a little thought, Nero grabbed a handgun, opening a nearby crate for ammunition in its caliber.

His hands worked with deft experience as he loaded five magazines with ammunition, slapping one of them into the well of his chosen handgun. He continued to bicker to himself about the cold, ensuring the safety was on. Holster clipped to his hip, Nero slid his gun inside without issue. That too was a swift motion of grace and experience. Nero put on his ballistic vest, sliding a slab of enchanted obsidian into one of the back pockets.

Even if the vest worked great against bullets and bites, it was always good to bring along a little magic protection. There had been a quick fling with an elf sorceress that was rather intense. After a few passionate nights, she had given him the obsidian, blessed with ancient magic to help ensure his safety. Before Nero had slipped the stone into a vest pocket, he held it for a little while, feeling the magic, and a faint sense of the wonderful elf he had shared time with.

Nero wondered if she still had the poem he gave her. A faint smile of wonder crossed his face as he popped open a small box on his office desk, filled with vials of health potions. Nero took four of the potent healing potions, sliding them into slots on the side of his vest, beneath his right arm. The recipe was still being fine tuned, but due to their strength, four was more than enough to last.

So long as he didn’t throw himself into too much danger at once.

Nero already had the Mercenary Market application pulled up on his phone. The magic connection was always a little off in his new place. Another downside to his loft, Nero supposed. Although loading was a little slow, a contract caught his eye.

WANTED: LARGE RATS ARE CAUSING ISSUES IN THE SEWER SYSTEM. 5,000 GOLD REWARD!!!!

Nero’s eyes bulged a little. That much? For rats?! He couldn’t help himself, beginning to laugh. Easy gold, for sure! Still rippling with laughter, Nero opened the contract, skimming the details. He hit the “accept” button without thought. Although the contract contained various bits of information, there wasn’t much information Nero needed.

He had cleaned out rats before. Big ones, too. Besides, the sewers were really more like a water filtration system, soaking up water and converting it from the bay that Bayside got it’s unofficial name from. Sure, there was sewage, but the magic in the sewer system made short work of it. Most mercenaries failed to know this little fact.

“Today’s gonna be a good day,” Nero smiled, marching for the door, ready to hurry up and collect easy money as he slipped on his boots.

II

It was not easy money.

Nero unlatched the front door to his loft, using the tip of his boot to kick it open. Sewage sludge lathered his body like a bad rash. His protective vest. His gun. Even his eyebrows: all caked in s**t from a rainbow of various denizens who happened to drop a deuce that chilly day.

Nero grunted as he tip toed forward, struggling to make his way to the bathroom of his loft without getting s**t everywhere. That too was a miserable failure. Shattered glass from the potion vials dug underneath his arm, making him curse in pain when he lowered it too far. Red pigment mixed with fecal matter and glass. Nero could feel himself bleeding, from both the shattered potion vials and the several bites at his ankles.

The sewage system was not online, as Nero had failed to read in the job description, which was why the payment was so high. And the feral rats, who broke the magic filtration system, were more inclined to tackle their prey and gnaw on their feet while they tried to drown them in the overflowing sewage canals. Nero wished the experience was a nightmare. It had certainly felt like one. Like most monsters on Itsa, they were smarter than most would have given them credit. Although Nero wished that intelligence had gone to something more productive than holding someone down in a vat of raw waste.

Nero managed to enter the bathroom, stripping down piece by piece, wanting to cry a little at his reflection. Using an old towel that had been forgotten about on the floor, Nero did what he could to clean away the mess. So much sanitation was needed….

Although Nero wasn’t sure where they stood with one another, the elf sorceress came to mind. Although the job had been messy, it did get finished. Sure enough, as Nero opened his bank account on his phone, the 5,000 gold was already deposited. The only thing that really saved him was the stone his former lover had given him.

While being dunked in doo-doo by the damn rats, Nero had felt the magic in the stone activate the moment the potion vials had been broken after a nasty fall, with the glass causing cuts. It was a terrible experience of the healing potion activating as a topical relief, only for the skin to be cut open by the shattered glass vials still burrowed in the vest slots on his right side.

The magic of the obsidian acted as a saving grace, with magic overwhelming the rats, making them fight among themselves. It gave Nero enough time to shoot the rest who remained, being about the only good part of the job.

Managing to get completely naked, Nero couldn’t help but think of the former fling once more. After the longest shower of his life and more disinfectant whips than an owl-folk could count, Nero found himself sitting on his couch, taking a single tablet from a plastic container. The last thing he needed was an infection.

After Nero put away his bottle of Cleaners (Max Strength!), he put on comfortable clothes and curled into a blanket. Underneath it, he sent out a text message.

Hey, I hope you’re still not mad at me. I’ve had a crappy day and felt like I needed to talk to someone

Nero considered deleting the sent message. She probably wanted nothing to do with-

His phone vibrated, with the name “Clover” on screen. The picture he had for her was of him playfully tugging on her pointed ears, with the elf sorceress playing along, acting as if the action hurt.

I’m really glad you texted me first, Clover responded. I know I told you I wasn’t in a position to be in a serious relationship, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want you in my life. I think there was a miscommunication. That, and I genuinely was worried about you. Also, maybe TMI, but I had AWFUL diarrhea this morning. I know, gross, but I figured if I told you something embarrassing you wouldn’t feel nervous.

Nero blinked, reading the text again.

What…. What were the chances? Nero shook his head, refusing to think of the possibility that he was being dunked in….

Nero gagged.

Another text from Clover came through soon after.

Okay, now I think I’m the one who’s nervous. And embarrassed. I promise I’m not actually gross!

Nero laughed, still bundled underneath a thick blanket, sprawled out on his couch.

If you think that’s disgusting, he texted her back with a cringe, you’re not going to believe what happened to me today, and I’m not sure which one of us will die of embarrassment first.

Although it had been a crappy day, Nero found his day had been salvaged with a late night of texting, and the promise of a date in the near future.

Author's Note

This story is loosely weaved with the others in this "book" project. If you're curious to know more about Nero, Bayside, and the strange world it takes place in, check out the other stories. Each sequential chapter weaves together a larger tale, though each story can be read on their own independently. Read "An Introduction" within this book for more details.

This tale turned out a little more gross than I intended, but sometimes humility happens to the best of us.