A frightful Storm

A frightful Storm

A Story by M.a. Benjamin
"

This is a short story affiliated with a book I'm writing. Hope it is well received.

"

The 8:15 bus to Trumbull roared away from the station, creating a small frozen monsoon of watery slush that swallowed up the sidewalk.   It may as well have been a boat with the amount of rain and sleet that had hammered the small town for the past few days.  As far as winters were concerned, this one had been pretty bad.  As if by more than coincidence, the local news itself was bad as well.  Reports on television spoke of people getting very sick in the area.  Not bedridden sick however.  Subjects diagnosed became crazy and violent, and the news warned that although incidents were few and far between, people should “Steer clear of anyone acting overly strange.”

  The young woman had been away from home and husband since the storm’s start; the first day of meetings had been rescheduled due to flight delays incurred by out-of-towners, and prolonged a day due to the inability of any from of transportation to safely travel long distances.  She was tired and homesick.  All the Connecticut native could think to do was collapse into bed next to her pungent, house sauce smelling chef of a significant other, who was more than likely covered in a thin but visible layer of sweat and grease he had collected from work.  Normally she yelled at him for being in bed unwashed, but tonight she would sacrifice her husband’s hygiene for sleep.  She felt herself drifting to a sub conscious state, snapping out of it only slightly with every heavy bump and brief stop.

 By the end of the three-hour trip the downpour was nearly blinding.  The doors of the public bus opened and the young woman darted for cover under the stop’s overhang to find her umbrella.  After a brief but meticulous search, it was excavated from her shoulder bag, and she braced herself for the waterlogged gauntlet that was to be her brisk walk home.  The violent storm was bad enough that there was no reason to run. She’d be consumed in a matter of moments anyway.  She took a deep breath, opened the umbrella, and pushed through the frozen sheets of ice and rain.

 

 

“It’s unusual for all the lights to be off.”  She thought to herself as she trudged up the driveway and past her husband’s car.  As she drew closer to the front door, she slowed.  “What was that sound?”  It was the sound of a loud crash from inside, like a vehicle driving through a brittle wooden wall.  She stood in the rain, already soaked entirely, and waited.  Silence.  After some hesitation she walked up to the front door and slowly twisted the handle. “Had someone broken into our house?” The thought raced in circles around her mind as panic took a firm hold of her.  She turned the doorknob.  It was unlocked.

The entire house had been turned upside down; furniture, papers, and clothing strewn about as if a series of small tornados had passed through.  Where was her husband?  Was he still here or had something bad happened?  From off within the bathroom came a loud crash.  If there was an intruder, then they were still inside, judging by the violent ruckus from down the hall.  She moved in deeper, towards the only light in the entire house.  She could hear a voice muttering something indiscernible.  It was a man’s voice, choked up with tears.  It was her husband’s.  “Honey?” she braved as she drew closer.  The mumbling stopped.  Not a sound emitted from within the bathroom.  As if the entire porcelain tiled room had been put on mute.  As she peered inside she saw him kneeling in a heap of bloody mirror shards on the floor, staring directly at her.  His eyes no longer had any color: they were filled with an unending blackness, like staring down two deep, lonely wells leading to oblivion.

Her voice went silent with terror, and all she could do was stare back.  His body was cut, bloody and battered, as if he had gotten into a terrible fight.  The blood that stained his greasy white shirt was not red however.  It was black.  A venomous corrosive smell was in the air, and it devoured her sense of smell like a swarm of carnivorous insects.  “W-what happened?” The woman finally forced out through the hand shielding her face as her husband stood up, never blinking, eyes fixed into hers.  His face began to distort with a mixture of rage and aggravation, and he let out a screeching howl as he began to claw at his face and ears.  The young woman’s face was a tempest of stress: pale, and drenched in cold sweat as she forced heavy breaths from her lungs and out her partially opened thin lips.  Her entire body rattled with terror like a frightened maraca.

She began moving back into the darkness.  He pursued.  She turned and ran for the bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.  The thing that was once her husband threw all of its weight against the door; clawing, kicking and punching as it shrieked in a terrifying tone, nearly taking the door off its hinges with every violent assault.  The woman sat against the door, horrified tears streaming down her face. She could feel fingers scraping at the rug from under the door frantically right behind her.  It was as violent as the storm outside.  The bloodied fingers grabbed the bottom portion of the door and began to rip off chunks of the thick wood in handfuls.  It was bad enough that there was no reason to run. She’d be consumed in a matter of moments.

© 2010 M.a. Benjamin


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Reviews

Love horror flicks. Great writing style.

Posted 14 Years Ago


I wish i could write like you...
your story is nice.

Posted 14 Years Ago


a wonderfully creative story

Posted 14 Years Ago


This is another great piece of writing:)
Horror with sci-fi lol
Excellent
xx

Posted 14 Years Ago


Nice start here, alot of very vivid description and a plot line that flowed well so far. The female character development got off to a good start and the hook is there, sucking readers in and wanting to know more. Definitely would like to read on, nice job.

Posted 14 Years Ago


This is really good. I really like the way you set the scene, that's something that I think I'm not so good at so I'm pretty jealous :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


Like this alot! And I usually dont like horror/sci-fi sorta bits...(not because Im close minded, but, Im a devout Trekkie and Twilight Zone fan and I am used to their brilliant writing)........ Of course I love the theme of consumption. The way she consumes her discomfort in order to go to bed, the rain, the unknown creepy thing in the house. I do feel though that some lines are a tad wordy...in example:

"It may as well have been a boat with the"
"It may well have been....." is enough. Nothing big or anything, just, those extra words can sorta drag it all down a little. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this,

Posted 14 Years Ago


Her voice was snuffed with terror, as all she could do was stare back. (Would probably replace snuffed, doesn't seem to quite fit)

A venomous corrosive smell was in the air, and it clawed at her nostrils like insects. (again, clawed doesn't seem to fit the description you are aiming for. Also, for a cleaner sentence, I would remove "and" after the comma and whichever word you use to replace clawed with, or you choose to stay with clawed, remove the -ed and use -ing)

Other than that, not a bad little story. Nice work.



Posted 14 Years Ago


Your descriptive language is, at times, rather exciting and gripping. I agree with jenny that I'd like to see the story continue. With a little more lead-in and a little more after, a good editor to make it even better, this would be a great horror novela... something to think about. Wonderfully wicked piece you have written here. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
jen
I could picture this mini movie in my head and felt the terror.... this is a great beginning.... I just want her to escape and become a hero :)

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on April 10, 2010
Last Updated on August 20, 2010

Author

M.a. Benjamin
M.a. Benjamin

NY



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