Truth Awaken

It was a beautiful spring day when Henry Newman wanted to go out for a run. It was a chill night for late May. The temperature was around low fifties and not what to expect for spring either.
Henry was out by behind the high school just after getting done with soccer practice. He was feeling the pull of the full moon. He was feeling like his skin was tingling and was getting tight. His wolf wanted out to go for a run. His body was beginning to reshape itself to become a wolf. Henry was in his wolf form wanting to feel the wind rush through his fur. Unknowingly, Henry did not know he was going to be hunted that night.
Next, Henry was roaming far enough in the woods that he was far enough away from the high school. Towards his left there was the creek and on his right was the parking lot to the nature reserve. Henry was close enough to hear cars pulling in and out also, car door slamming. He moved closer to see who it was that was coming into the woods. There were hunters coming in with their rifles. Somehow, Henry knew this could be a bad thing. Maybe he should warn the others wolves but there were none close by or out. He was by himself. The hunters were already crossing the tree line to the woods.
The hunters were already cruising the woods on ATVs and playing a howling voice over to lure c out potential werewolves nearby. Sine Henry was the only werewolf close by. He felt the urge to howl due to the recording but did not want to give away his location to the hunters. The hunters did not see a blonde wolf fly past them.
Kaleb Klein was looking around when he saw a blonde wolf run passed him. He never misses when a werewolf runs by him, even in their wolf forms. Kaleb saw Henry run off in the north direction where the creek is located. Then Kaleb took out his rifle and loaded it with the first silver bullet. The bullet missed and hit the nearby tree. Kaleb reloaded the rifle a second time and still missed Henry. The rifle was reloaded a third time, the third shell hit the blond wolf in the side. There was a loud yelp from the wolf and he sank down to the ground. Also, he shifted back to human form.
Henry realized he was hit because he saw the blood oozing from his side. Trying to move was not a option. The bullet that hit him was a silver bullet and the poison was spreading at the location point. The veins in the wound were turning it black and blue. Thus, he knew he did not have that long left. The side effects of silver were deadly to werewolves. Henry heard leaves crunch nearby, looking up to see Kaleb Klein walking over to him. Obliviously, Kaleb wanted to finish what he started.
“Please do not kill me. I am already dying?” Henry begging.
“How can I keep monsters like you away from this town. Considering your kind should not exist in the first place.” Kaleb sneering at Henry.
“What about your daughter, Ava, does she know you kill her kind in secret. She will hate you for this when she learns the truth. You damn well she will know. Did you ever tell her about what you did to her biological parents? “Henry yelled.
Kaleb was trying to quiet Henry, “Shut up. Mutt!”
“Knowing what I am saying is right. You and your wife will never tell her the truth. You want her to be in the dark” Henry whispered close enough for Kaleb to hear.
Kaleb could not take anymore of Henry’s comments it was drawing the attention of the other hunters nearby. He so angry with the dumb kid and loaded the rifle one last time. Vegore he could even raise it; Henry was starting to cough. The silver poisoning was getting worse for the kid. Kaleb was about to shot when Henry said one last thing. “ Come on finish me off. It was what you intended to do when you shot me. My murder will tear this town apart. I hope you realize that.”
Henry was butt naked trying to crawl away from Kaleb. Kaleb took up the rifle and shot Henry in the back. Henry went down without a fight. Finally, Kaleb went over to Henry’s body and dragged him to the tree line by the creek. Kaleb dug a hole for the dead kid. He put him and it was shallow but deep that no one would find the body. Hoping to keep the events what happened tonight to his grave.

Reviews

[JayG]

Since you recognize the fact that you're just beginning your journey, you're more aware than most who drop their initial work here. And it’s good. Other good news: nothing that I am about to say relates to either your talent or how well you write.

Now, the bad news:

We all leave school with what I call, The Great Misunderstanding. Simply put, we believe that we were taught how to write. And while we did learn one specific approach to writing, it’s not the one we need to write either fiction or poetry.

We’re all caught by that because we forget something critical: professional knowledge is acquired in addition to the general skills that we’re given, to prepare us for employment. And since most employers expect us to write letters, reports, and what amount to essays, that’s what we’re taught.

Remember, they offer degree program in commercial fiction writing. And, you have to assume that at least some of what’s learned in that program is necessary. Right?

But the most important thing that our teachers fail to mention is the goal of fiction. Unlike nonfiction, which has as its goal, informing the reader clearly and concisely, Fiction’s goal is to entertain the reader by making that reader feel as if they’re living this scene in real-time, as-the-protagonist. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Unfortunately, that idea was never mentioned during our school years, because only those who write fiction need to know it.

So, you, like pretty much everyone who turns to writing, are trying to make the only kind of writing you know work in a way that it can’t. Unfortunately, for you, it will always work, and you’ll see no problems. For you, the voice of the narrator, your voice, is filled with exactly the right amount of emotion. But how can a reader know how you intend them to read it?

For you, the narrator is performing as you read. So, in your mind are changes of expression, gestures that visually punctuate, and body language that amplifies or moderates emotion—but only in your mind

Pity the poor reader, who has only the context that your words supply, or evoke, the emotion that’s suggested by punctuation, and, the meaning suggested by their life experience, not your intent.

You’ve probably seen the effect this, when you go back to writing that’s several weeks old. Then, because you don’t quite remember every word, you’ll view it more as a reader, and wonder why it doesn’t have the immediacy and life that he did when you originally wrote it. That can be extremely frustrating because you feel that SOMETHING’S wrong, but can’t see what.

To give you an idea of how different the reader’s perception of your words is from your own, look at a few lines from the opening:

• It was a beautiful spring day when Henry Newman wanted to go out for a run.

This is not Henry deciding to go for a run. It’s you, someone who is neither in the story nor on the scene, reporting that it happened, secondhand. From a reader’s viewpoint, someone we know nothing about, so far as age, situation, location in and space, and even to the reason he wanted to do that, “wanted” to go for run. Why tell the reader that he wanted to do that? If you have to report it, why not just say he went for run? After all, in the end, he did.

• It was a chill night for late May.

It can’t be a chill night, because in the previous line you said it was a beautiful DAY. Edit, edit, edit. One way to catch things like this is to have your computer read to you. That way you’ll hear things that you’ll miss when reading, because you see what you expect to see.

But…why do we care the night is cool? Would the story changes it was warmer? Remember, cool is a relative term, and cool in Florida would be very different from that of Toronto. So, you just made the reader plow through 22 unnecessary words of unnecessary weather-forecast data. That matters, because every unnecessary word slows the read and lowers impact.

Here’s a rule to keep in mind: Any sentence that does not either move the plot, develop character, or meaningfully set the scene, must be deleted because all it does is bore the reader. Remember, the all time worst story opening is, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

• He was feeling like his skin was tingling and was getting tight.

Here is where your pre-knowledge of the situation gets you in trouble. You know that he ‘ a werewolf. You know why he’s there, his age, what triggered it, and everything the reader does not.

Think of yourself, if you suddenly found your skin tingling and getting tight (whatever that means) you’d be really upset. In this case the character isn’t because he’s a werewolf. And as you read you know that. But look at it as a reader. For no known reason his skin begins tingling. So at this point your perception and the readers diverge. Will they understand as they move forward? Sure, but so what? A confused reader is one who’s closing the cover. And if they do….

• His wolf wanted out to go for a run.

In the first paragraph you told reader that Henry wanted to go for a run. With this line you just told the reader that Henry has a wolf with him that also wants to. You know what you mean, but the reader has only what the words suggest to them.

See how different the words are to reader who doesn’t know the story before they begin reading?

So, as I said it’s not a matter of talent, which means that the problem is fixable. Unfortunately, you the fix is to learn the skills that the pros take for granted. Of course, while that may sound daunting, it’s never a chore to learn the things that you want to know. And in this case, the learning is filled with, “But that’s so obvious…how can I not have seen that for myself?” And that’s fun for about the first 10 times. After that, because you’re banging your head against the table in frustration, it’s not quite as much fun.😆

So, where do you start? My recommendation is to begin with a few books on the basics. You work when you have time, and at your own pace. There is no pressure, and, no tests. What’s not to love?

And once you master those techniques, the act of writing becomes much more fun, because the protagonist becomes your cowriter, whispering suggestions and warnings in your ear.

It is the best form of daydreaming, as you’re forced to live the scene as-the-protagonist, using only their perceptions, needs, resources, and imperatives. It can be addicting, especially, when the characters in the story take over, ignore what you told them to do, and go charging off in unexpected directions.

Once, I wrote for 32 hours straight, stopping only for bathroom breaks, and the food my understanding wife put in front of me. The characters we’re ignoring me, but making perfect sense in what they did. I was afraid that if I stopped I would “lose the thread,” and not be able to get it back again. I LOVE when that happens. And, I loved the way the story turned out. It’s one of my published works, titled: Kiss of Death.

If an overview of the differences between fiction and nonfiction writing would help, the articles in my WordPress blog (link at the bottom) are based on what you’ll find in a book on writing technique.

As for where you should start, Deborah Dixon has written an excellent first book for fiction writers, titled: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s a warm easy read, a lot like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing.

There is a better book, in fact, the best I found. The reason I don’t suggest it as a first book is that it is a university-level book, and tends to be a bit dry in places. It is free, though, so you might sample a chapter or two to see if it’s a good fit: Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

So…I know this was not what you hoped to see, and, is like trying to take a small sip from a running firehose. And though it can be both intimidating, and discouraging, in reality every successful writer has faced exactly the same problem, and got through it. There’s no reason you can’t. And, since it makes the act of writing more fun, it’s worth it.

So, give it a try. Like the proverbial chicken soup for a cold comic might not help. But it sure can’t hurt.🤣

Hang in there, and keep on writing

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/