Weapon and Angel
A Book by Xerclipse
 A shorter script of a new story. This is a mini chapter series about a man who is created to destroy the world.  © 2012 Xerclipse
Author's Note
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This is the first shortest story I ever published on this site. I hope you enjoy it. That guy for the book picture is the Angel of Death based on the story. He is drawn by me.
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Reviews
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Wow. I was hooked to the story immediately.
However, I want you to be aware of a few things. You have a few typos/spelling errors and few grammar mistakes, but those would be corrected by reading aloud or if you get someone else to proofread it. If you do one of those two, you would have almost no technical issues.
I will tell you one grammar error you did the most. "K-12: Let her go Cain." You need a comma after 'go'. 'Let her go, Cain'. When you put the comma there, that means K-12 was talking to Cain.
Here is a better example:
Jennifer: Is that you?
K-12: Yes it is Jennifer.
Now, since K-12 is talking to Jennifer, there should be a comma: 'Yes it is, Jennifer'. When you read Jennifer's line: 'Is that you?' followed by K-12's line: 'Yes it is Jennifer'--it almost sounds like K-12 is saying that his name is Jennifer. Does that make sense?
I loved the ending. Nice twist; I did not see that one coming at all. Great picture, by the way.
Posted 12 Years Ago
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12 Years Ago
thanks Kris. I have abandoned that story and was too focused on making another one at that time. gra.. read morethanks Kris. I have abandoned that story and was too focused on making another one at that time. grammar is the common enemy for writers :P I'm glad I got awarded and you got hooked ;)
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12 Years Ago
No problem. You really shouldn't abandon a story entirely. I want to tell you something, though, it .. read moreNo problem. You really shouldn't abandon a story entirely. I want to tell you something, though, it is both a good and a bad thing depending on the situation. Most stories that is written horribly are successful because they have an interesting story. Most readers who do not have any knowledge of the technical side of the story look towards the creative side, which is good, because that is the main reason why that book exists. That's why sometimes some people open a book and think 'How is this a bestseller? This book might as well have been written by a 4-year-old'. I could go on a rant, but I can only express myself in so many words.
You deserved the award. :)
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12 Years Ago
yeah, I have been told that I have the imagination of a child but it comes out to be a professional .. read moreyeah, I have been told that I have the imagination of a child but it comes out to be a professional story. That's why writers have editors. I need to look at my grammar more as my strength seems to be the story :P but according to you, my mind seemed to have traded technical abilities for imagination. and thanks again kris! ;) I am currently working on my book Epic Grim right now. This time, I will try to put my imagination to the best.
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12 Years Ago
Keep writing! :) I'll be reading your work.
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Stats
557 Views
1 Review
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 23, 2012
Last Updated on July 10, 2012
Author
Xerclipsehttp://xerclipse.deviantart.com/gallery/, NY
About
Hey people of Writer's cafe, what's up? You may call me Xerclipse and its about a year since I had this. I am 18 years old and I am at Mass Art right now!
I write books with a lot of action and vio.. more..
Writing
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