Chapter I: Bending World

Alan enters in a boy's mind to take out a demon. Will he accomplish his mission?

Chapter I

Bending World

 

The scene takes place at a village during daytime. The village has no civilians that exist. The grass and the flowers grow. Butterflies orbit the flowers that bloom. The birds chirp and sing on the rooftops. Water flows smoothly through the fountains and falls. The angel like designs give the fountains decoration. The sun lights up the path and the houses. Some sides of the houses are only covered by the shadow. The peacefulness of the area is untouched and pure. However, there comes a man named Alan walking on a bridge. The loud footsteps can be heard from the boots. Alan wears a large dark blue heavy trench coat. The glare on his glasses can be seen from a far distance. His glasses are wide circles with no borders around each lens, the glare on them can be seen from a far distance. His medium long spiky brown hair feels the wind that blows at him. His unshaved chin is slightly covered by the collar of his trench coat. He wears a cross as his necklace. Alan walks through the peaceful village with a straight face casually with his hands in his pockets.

 

Alan: (smiling) What a lovely day we have here.

 

After he crosses the bridge the color of the village starts to get darker. The village begins to experience a minor earthquake. He hears the force and the waves that occur. The objects and the environment vibrate. Alan stops walking and puts his head up looking around him. He takes his hands out of his pockets which reveal to have large black gloves. A white plus sign is seen on each back of the hand. One house begins to shift violently and push onto the path that Alan is on. The house blocks his path, and so do other objects. Some tiles on the path levitate instantly. After they are suspended from the ground they stop their motion. The path begins to get wider. A flower stand gets thrown away quickly and also stops moving for a while. The time begins to reduce to ten percent of its regular speed. Alan is the only one who moves one hundred percent of his speed and time. Black ink splatters instantly and stops midway before it turns into particles and hits other surfaces. The ink contains some blood mixed in it as well. More blood ink breaks through the houses but they all never finish splattering. They all still stop midway in their time. A deep dark voice can be heard from behind.

 

Demon: (slowly) DO NOT PASS....EXORCIST! YOU SHALL NOT DRIVE ME OUT!

                       

The bridge behind him splits into two and parts away side to side instantly. The sides then flip over and fractures into segments.

 

Alan: (laughing) Sorry, but there would be no other reason why I would be here.

 

A creature crawls from a house with metal parts and corpse flesh. The creature has black lenses that serves as it's eyes. When it knocks down the objects and window, the shards and the objects float on the air due to the low speed of time. The yellow teeth are exposed since the creature is missing its lips. The hands are metal claws that are very sharp. There are several creatures that crawl up from the ground. The tiles get pushed away but they still float. The creatures stare at Alan and orbit around him. Their twitching and fidgets prevent them from standing still.

 

Alan: Okay, we got some freaks on the way.

 

One Freak dashes towards Alan but it feels a blade that penetrates through it's belly. Red blood splatters from both sides of the wounds. The creature turns into black ash and scatters away into pieces. When all of the ash is gone, Alan's right palm has a blade filled with blood that sticks out. The blade then slips back into his hand. Several other freaks jump in to attack Alan. Alan pulls out two blades from his palms. Each hand contains one blade each. He decapitates a freak which turns into ash. He cuts off the left arm of another and stabs it in the heart. Every freak he kills turns into black ash and scatters away right after the blood sprays from the wounds. Alan dissects one of the freaks alive before it scratches him. Alan turns around and cuts off it's legs and kicks the head. The face opens up with the teeth and metal scraps bursting out of it. The remaining Freaks evade left and right from a distance. The blades shoot out of Alan's palms with a chain attached from the blade to the palm. He swings the blades around which cause the freaks to lose their limbs and torso. The blood paints the path and houses. When they disappear, Alan runs around the blocked path. He finds another bridge and walks on it. The bridge inclines forwards, the road twists and splits apart, the parallel houses from the left and right merge together, blood ink splatters behind Alan, and the bridge moves back.

 

Demon: I Shall hold you back at all costs!

 

Alan: (singing happily) YEAH, YOU CAN TRY THAT ALL YOU WANT!

 

Alan jumps underneath a straight tunnel. The light begins to get darker as Alan rushes through the tunnel. Suddenly, the straight tunnel begins to curve to the right. Tiles and cobblestones burst out of the surface which now float slowly. Alan still follows the path of the tunnel.

 

Alan: (smiling) This is nice...real nice!

 

An exit to the tunnel is revealed but shortly closes up. The door merges into the walls. The steps serve as bricks. More freaks spawn and crawl on the ceiling. Alan expels the blades on his hands which shoot at the freaks. They all fall down bleeding and disintegrating into ash with the blades in them. Alan pulls out a hatchet and smashes the wall. The tunnel then shifts into a bridge. Alan ends up to be underneath it. The wall he was smashing up ends up to be a pole. Alan walks up the steps and finds the regular path. It curves and cracks as Alan rushes.

 

Alan: WHERE IS THE BOY?

 

Demon: He is mine!

 

A couple of houses sinks into the surface. The path gets divided into quarters. The quarter that Alan stands on rises above for him to walk on the rooftops. Alan jumps on the rooftops and jumps on building to building. Freaks jump up and stalk Alan. Alan smashes his hatchet on the head of a freak. He pulls it out and chops off a leg. He chops the spine of that Freak. He runs on a tight wire with his bloody axe. One freak slices the tight wire off which causes Alan to jump and land on another building. The freaks crawl away from the building and pursue Alan. He shoots the blades at the freaks.

 

Demon: Give up Dark Exorcist! That boy will burn in hell!

 

The building he stands on shifts away from the block and sinks into a mill. Alan sees more freaks that surround him. He does a spin and chops the freak's bowels. He does an uppercut with the axe and chops the chin in half. Alan's left hand expels the blade with the chain attached. He swings it around chopping the distant freaks. Alan then dismembers a couple of more freaks and throws it onto a freak's head. Alan grapples onto the last freak, pulls him in and tears him in half with his hands.

 

Demon: Your nonsense will end....Exorcist!

           

The demon jumps down with a giant cleaver. His horns are large and his muscles are visible. He roars at Alan as Alan picks up his hatchet. The boy who is eleven years old is hanging on the ceiling.

 

Alan: HANG ON THERE...YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!

 

The demon rages and swings his cleaver onto Alan. Alan dodges the strike and hits the leg with his hatchet. Alan takes out the hatchet and attempts to hit the chest. The demon counters the strike and does a swing. Alan does a flip on the air to dodge it. The demon grabs him and throws him away. Alan shoots his chained blades on the demon's shoulders.

 

Demon: HE IS MINE!

 

The Demon pulls Alan in instantly. He throws him around and smashes him into the crates. Alan gets out of the grab and jumps on the demon's shoulders. The chains then are tangled on the neck. Alan pulls on them hard. Blood sprays and drips from the demon's neck. The demon begins to kneel down as Alan jumps down. The neck loses flesh and exposes the spinal cord.

When a huge snap and crack is heard, the head pops off with the blood spraying furiously. Alan jumps up to the boy that is hanging and cuts off the chain. Alan and the boy are floating.

 

Boy: Is it gone yet?

 

Alan: Yes....it is.

 

The scene transitions out of the village. It then transitions to the boy waking up from a bed during night time. Alan has his hand on the boy's head. The boy ends up to have multiple straps and ropes tied up to him. There are multiple scratch marks in the room. The window is cracked and the drawers are fractured.

 

Alan: Mr. and Mrs. Pulaski, you may enter now.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Pulaski enter in the room. Alan takes out the straps as Mr. Pulaski comes up to the boy.

 

Mr. Pulaski: TOMMY...TOMMY!!

 

Tommy: I'm here dad!

 

The Pulaskis are in joy and happiness. The boy gets out of the bed and hugs the parents crying. Alan gets up and walks out of the room. Mr. Pulaski finds Alan exiting the house. He exits out of the house to confront Alan.

 

Mr. Pulaski: Mister Harkison....how will we ever repay you?

 

Alan: You don't have to!

           

Alan's face no longer reflects the fun he had in the mind of Tommy. He walks out to the streets. Mrs. Pulaski runs out of the house with Tommy and sees Alan walking.

 

Mrs. Pulaski: Where are you going?

 

Alan: (coldly) You should mind your own business!

 

Alan disappears through the shadows. The Pulaskis are confused and concerned. Tommy stares through the shadows to find Alan but he is no where to be found.

 

Tommy: Dad, where did he go? And who was he.

 

Mr. Pulaski: I don't know, but he is no ordinary man. He said that he never works for the church and that he came here on his own. He isn't a priest either. But whatever he did, he saved your life.

 

Tommy: I know, he was playing like a child in my mind.

 

Author's Note

So what do you think? Was it surreal when you read it? What are your thoughts?

Reviews

[Writer #00]

I made sure to read the other reviews first, and it seems as if they've touched on any errors you may have had already, so... Good first chapter (and I love the title, by the way-- it definitely begs to be read). Your setting descriptions/ character descriptions are a bit choppy, but (to be honest) this sort of adds to the surreality of the book. The precise, structurally simplicit descriptions are so contrasting to (with?) the complex concept of the book itself that it creates a sort of paradoxy not common in reality. Perhaps, to accent the surreality of his dreams, you might consider writing the scenes where Alan is in a victim's mind in the way you currently have it with dialogue and such) and the scenes in reality in story form with quotations. The excessive violence gave me images of unrealistic, vibrant anime-blood. : )

[Xerclipse]

Its been a long time since I came back to Writer's Cafe and when this story came out. Thank you. I do plan on re writing this story, by making another version. For now I will call this the beta or draft version. I realized that I had errors in this book like you have noticed.

[Writer #00]

I thought so, judging by the © 2012 Xerclipse.

[FrancescaX]

too many choppy sentences.
but good

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

This chapter is interesting, I'll keep reading :)
100/100

[Taylor H.]

His medium long spikey brown hair feels the wind that blows at him.----spiky

Alan's left hand expells the blade with the chain attached----expels

Alan but he is no where to be found----nowhere

great chapter :) I really enjoyed it. I found a few errors but they werent a big deal. Great job

[Anubis]

Very weird. Just my kind of thing. Love surreal stuff like this, shall have to keep reading!
Sort of reminds me of an anime called D. Grey Man.

[Xerclipse]

thanks bro. It's been a while when I stopped watching D Grey man. Probably should look back into it since it is about an exorcist.

I added an intro and character profiles.

[Schyala]

The angel like designs give the fountains decoration. The sun lights up the path and the houses, however, some sides of the houses are only covered by the shadow. The peacefulness of the area is untouched and pure. However, there comes a man named Alan walking on a bridge

-In both sentences you used however, and it just sounds repeated. Try another word so it sounds better.

The glare on his glasses can be seen from a far distance. The glasses are wide circles with no borders around each lens.
-try this: His glasses are wide circles with no borders around eah lens, the glare on them can be seen from a far distance.
This give sentence variety and it doesn't repeat glasses.

His medium long spikey brown hair feel the wind that blows at him
-Feel should be feels

He walks casually with his hands in his pockets. Alan walks through the peaceful village with a straight face.
- Should be: Alan walks through the peaceful village with a straight face casually with his hands in his pockets.

The rest of it I didn't notice because I was so into! My only complaint is sentence structure, go back and edit this. A lot can be improved just by using a comma instead of a period making complex sentences which entertain the reader more in a way

For instance: Shelly walked across the Lake. Shelly's dog followed her all the way. Shelly and the dog had a picnic.

Now: Shelly walked across the lake as her dog followed, they then had a picnic.

This way the writing is more mature and appealing.

Anyways, I LOVED IT! Very good job, this is my kind of story! The plot is very original and different, which I loved! I also loved the fighting scenes. I will DEFIANTLY move on. I can really see this becoming a novel :)

[Xerclipse]

Oh boy, well I gotta patch those up later tonight. Any way thank you for reading. And Yay for being original! I tried to make sure it wasn't too much like the exorcist or a bit like the Devil May Cry 5 stage. (those were my inspiration to make this book)

[Shep]

not hurt them (at all) delete all ready stated))))

this one seems more put together than last one I read. I liked it a lot and felt it was a great beginning. Moving on to the next chapter.

[Xerclipse]

thanks shep. I did try to make this a better book than Harvest. I also tried to slow the pace down a bit and add more mystery and build up.

[Xerclipse]

by the way, that error that you pointed out is a passage that is used for exorcism.

[Lane Craver]

Where to begin... This is written like a script... If it is pardon me,but you asked for feedback, so i will be honest. If you go back and redo the sentences keep in mind that we the reader know that somehing is happening because you are telling us it is. IE:the scene takes place...etc etc.. You may want to start where you say it was peaceful and then say why it is so.. I had thos scene writing problem when i first wrote my book and ended up with a whole lot of red ink for it.. If the character opens a drawer you don't need to put the drawer opened...that's an abstract example. Try combining description. ie:the creatures yellow teeth were exposed through his missing lips...instead of since his lips were missing... We know they ate missing without it being explained to us.. It makes a much better flow and way easier to read. Also you use "" insted of : when they talk it will flow much better. And have more of book feel . With that said i must say this is a very creative book and very cool! I am hooked on the character and look forward to reading more!