Episode 1: The Isolation

When the darkness comes to a boy, it robs his childhood. Can Nathan overcome the darkness?

Scene 1

 

The scene takes place in the city. It is dark at night where there is almost no one around. A mother, father and two little sons walk on the sidewalk. The oldest son has a birthday hat. The youngest just walks behind him awkwardly. The father begins to pick up the oldest son and hold him laughing in happiness. 

 

Mother: Now little Victor...how old are you?

 

Victor: (in joy) I'm five!

 

Nathan, the youngest son slightly smiles. When he hears a trash can collaping, he jerks. The father turns around at Nathan.

 

Father: Nathan... how many times must you do that? You are embarassing us.

 

Nathan then looks away.

 

Nathan: (quietly) I'm sorry.

 

The mother and father then continue to walk. Nathan tries to smile but the fear overlaps his emotions. He then sees a shadow rushing past an alley. Viktor and the parents still laugh in happiness. They sing happy birthday to Victor but Nathan still looks around in fear. He begins to bite his nails. When Nathan looks past a lamp post that is flickering, he sees one red light and one white light glowing. They are close to each other and they move like eyes.

 

Nathan: DAD...!

 

Mother: (frustrated) Why are you always like this? Every where you go, everything we do, everything that goes on, You are always afraid!

 

the two lights begins to turn out to be a figure. It is a tall man with long smooth black hair, and half a mask which covers his right face. His whole left face including his left eye, right eye, and mouth are the only parts of the face that are uncovered. He wears a black hat. His smile grows as he walks closer. His finger nails are black and long. He wears dark wraps which covers his hands and exposes his cold and dry fingers. He wears a crimson and black gothic jacket. His left eye appears to be normal as a regular human eye. However his right eye has a red demonic pupil. The outer layer of the eye is all black.

 

Father: Nathan....no more dessert for you for the week. You know what...make that a month. We just can't deal with your...."fear"!

 

A car comes from the road. Right before when the car begins to pass the family, the man pulls out a giant skeleton scythe and rushes to the car. He slices a tire off which causes the car to spin out and crash into the family. Nathan gets knocked into a wall. The father gets severely injured as the mother gets violently rammed by the car. When Nathan gets up, he hears the man laughing demonically. Nathan's head is bleeding and dripping from his forehead. The father picks up his wife and screams in agony and sadness. The screaming bother's Nathan's young ears. The man's smile never leaves Nathan's eyes. Nathan also sees Victor's dead body next to the father. The man walks up to Nathan but Nathan begins to back up. His name is Rasku.

 

Rasku: (laughing) Hello there little boy. It's quite interesting how you saw me.

 

Nathan: GO AWAY!!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU GHOST!

 

Rasku: Ghost? Is that what you think I am? Really? You must be an interesting little one. Would you like some candy?

 

Nathan: No.

 

Rasku: (smiling) Or...some money?

 

Rasku's teeth reveals his sharp fangs.

 

Nathan: NO!

 

Rasku: Oh dear...why is it hard to please such a young little boy like you? Maybe....eternal life?

 

Nathan does not answer. He looks at his father and his dead brother. The mother's eyes begin to move. He begins to cry.

 

Rasku: Oh what....them? Now...I am sorry, but I only needed to take one.

 

A portal is formed from the ground. Rasku sinks into it and disappears. Nathan then looks around. When he turns to his family, he sees Rasku rising from a portal from the ground where his family is. Rasku places his hand on Victor's heart.

 

Rasku: (smiling) Little boy, he is the chosen one. We need him.

 

Nathan: (in anger) PUT HIM BACK...WHO ARE YOU?

 

Rasku: Me...? I am Rasku. What is your name?

 

Nathan: Nathan.

 

Rasku: My what a pretty name for such a young boy like you. You must be sad...very....very sad. I bet this will make you happy.

 

Rasku throws a mask towards Nathan. It has an angry mood with a cage type mouth.

 

Rasku: (acting polite with a smile) Little Nathan...don't cry....when you put that on, no one will ever see you cry again....no one.

 

Rasku's red eye glows brighter. Nathan stares at the mask as his tears drip onto it.

 

Rasku: Go ahead....try it. You will look handsome in that my boy.

 

Rasku picks up Victor's body and disappears into the portal. When Nathan hides the mask, he still sees the father in sadness.

 

Father: (crying) VICTOR...VICTOR....VICTOR!!! WHERE ARE YOU?

 

Scene 2

 

Twelve years later, the scene takes place at high school.  Nathan is walking by a crowd. Several people of the crowd throw crumbled paper at Nathan. He has short black hair and a scar on his forehead. He appears to have a black eye on his left eye recently. Some guys are at the corner watching him. They guys sprint to Nathan and bump into him. They then run away laughing in bliss. Nathan then gets up and walks out of the school. The scene then shifts to Nathan's house. It has cob webs and cracks. The industrial smoke can be seen from the window. The father who sits with his newspaper puts it down and gets up from his chair.

 

Father: Nathan....why are you here at this time?

 

Nathan: Dad...what the....

 

Father: DID YOU BRING IN THE EGGS AND MILK?

 

Nathan: Dad....I'm sorry, I forgot.

 

The father advances to Nathan. 

 

Father: YOU FORGOT? WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT?! 

 

The father then shoves Nathan out of the house. The father slams the door shut.

 

Father: BRING BACK THOSE DAMN EGGS AND MILK NOW!

 

Nathan then walks down town pulling out the mask from his back pack. Nathan smiles then runs into the alley way and puts the mask on. His clothes start to change texture and color. A long black and green jacket forms for him to wear. The back of it glows a green pentagram. He opens a door and runs into the deepest part of the building. It is completely dark, however he can see through the mask and darkness. A scream is heard in the darkness as Nathan throws his back pack on the ground. He pulls out a katana out of thin air and stabs it onto the ground. The electricity in the building lights up the basement that he is in. Several demons starts to appear. They are eating a ghost.

 

Nathan: Lunch time is over!

 

The demons stop what they are doing and begin to charge at Nathan. He slices one demon's arm off and stabs through the chest. As the blood sprays from the wounds and the arm. The demon begins to dissapear as his skin was flaking off into black particles revealing the skeleton.

 

Demon 1: Kill angel! 

 

Another demon comes from behind to grab Nathan. Nathan then turns around and slices two of the legs and decapitates the demon. The blood accumulates onto the blade and Nathan. The demon also disintegrates.

 

Demon 2: Die!

 

The remaining demons run side to side and leap to Nathan. He slices one of them into two and stabs the throat of the other one as he screams furiously. Nathan then pulls out a wire with a small skull on the end and throws it at the last one. The skull head ends up on the neck. It bites the demon which brings it into the ground as the blood splatters from the neck.

 

Last demon: (bleeding) AAUUGGGHHH!!!

 

Nathan then pulls the snake wire back which causes the head to rip off. The demon's body parts also disintegrates. Nathan then reels back the snake wire, and materializes his sword into his hand. He walks out of the basement as the lights around the building start to get brighter. The skull head of the wire begins to speak.

 

Krotus: Oh boy oh boy, that was neat! Nathan, you must really love cleaning up this world. You sir shall be considered the janitor. You are wonderful.

 

Nathan: Not now Krotus!

 

Krotus: But why did you go down there, instead of buying eggs and milk for your dad. I mean I hope you had alot of fun in killing those demons, because your dad is gonna get really angry. Now why don't we have a nice little chat and....

 

Nathan pulls out Krotus and slams him onto a corner.

 

Krotus: AAUUGGHH...that really hurt. You know you shouldn't be toying around with skulls like me. You broke my nose.

 

Nathan: You have no nose!

 

Krotus: Oh that's right, but you do...I can't feel pain either! But you feel pain...don't you. Wait...that's right, you were human before. But now you are just like the rest of us. You are immortal. Come on Nathan, I know whether you are smiling or not. I can tell what lies behind that mask of yours. I can tell you this. You will be a very happy young man if you keep walking straight.

 

A black cat the sprints through Nathan's legs. He is almost about to trip. When he loses balance, he supports himself with his hands on the ground.

 

Krotus: (cheerfully singing) Now...who's the happy young man my Nathan.....who is the happy young man.

 

When he walks outside, it begins to rain. He takes off his mask. He doesn't mind the rain falling on him as the other rush around the town. Nathan still keeps a straight angry face on him as he walks slowly through the crowd.

 

To be Continued

 

Author's Note

How is this story so far? Does it have a good start? If there are any flaws tell me. What do you think of Nathan and his life?

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

I like what you're trying to do, but the way you' ve written this is confusing and hard to follow because it's written like a screenplay but set up in a story format. I think you should go with one or the other. Also, you've missed capitalizing some words, and there are some mispellings, and errors. You also need to fix up your dialogue a bit. It's an okay start but it needs a lot of work.

[Taylor H.]

I really enjoyed this so far. I think it requires some editing and dialouge needs some work
like a kid wont say "Im now five." they would say "im five". You also dont need the word just in any of your descriptions. like The youngest just walks behind him awkwardly. should be the youngest walks behind him awkwardly.

Its a good story so far. I just feel it needs some rearranging and editing :)

[ewest1220]

I agree with the general consensus. Has a very super hero feel to it but with a little added to it I could see myself watching this in a theater someday... Great job!

[Shep]

They are close to each(space)other and they move like eyes.

SO YOU JUST HAPPENED TO COME FROM SCHOOL AND TO THAT STORE ALL THE WAY DOWN TOWN THAT QUICKLY...AND THEN BACK HERE? (needs help. I have no idea what he is trying to say.

This caught my attention. I seldom read play script since high school but this caught my eye. I wanted to see if I could still understand it, and could. Very well written love the characters and got over my confusion quickly and just wanted to turn the page. So that what I am doing turning the page.

[Xerclipse]

yeah my school kept on giving us scripts before this summer. But they seem to get to the point compared to regular books. I'm glad you could at least understand it and that you love the characters. I wonder what you love about them. Well that is something you could best answer when you read the later or end parts of the book.

(the idea of your book about your life kinda made me want to write this)

[Xerclipse]

Episode 5 is now up

[jadda12]

I think it has an interesting concept. It kind of has that super hero vibe that the previous reviewer stated. I like the concept of Nathan being able to have this sense of things happening that it appears other people do not. I know you said it is a first draft, but I would expand upon the scene with the car accident. You say Nathan's mother took a big impact of the car and then she is dead. I might just expand on that and maybe talking about her twitching, or bleeding everywhere, or her eyes rolling in the back of the head just to add how traumatic the whole scene was.

I think you also used the phrase appears a few times. "He appears to have a long black and green jacket." I think instead of saying something like appears which isn't really strong wording, you can say a long black and green jacket forms onto Nathan's body.

I think it is a good start, and I would suggest trying to expand the death scene of the mother a little more.

[Xerclipse]

Thanks alot. Since this seems like a superhero book i tried to make this dark and twisted before it turns corny and old. However i will expand the accident scene. Ill also reword the chapter as well ;)

[Xerclipse]

Episode 5 is now up

[Laura Maidah]

It's slow. Pacing is arduous. Setting is very authentic, to your credit. The action sequence isn't... active enough.. wording-wise. Syntax is perfect. No strangeness.

[Xerclipse]

this is only the first draft but do you have any suggestions for it before I can make the final draft?

[Xerclipse]

thank you for the criticism tho

[Laura Maidah]

Np. So the dialogue can be lengthened and the action sequences can be clarified. Less words in the description. Flows better if action happens in dialogue, so it's less cartoony and stick-figure.

[Xerclipse]

Well for the action sequences, there is very little speaking during fights. If you go in a physical fight with someone, you barely have time to talk to your enemy. In my opinion, action speaks louder than words. There could be simple sentences in the middle of each fight.

[J. F. Charleston]

Really I'd say it's very good and entertaining. There is some spelling flaws with "Victor" and "Viktor." It was really good and the story line was cool. It kinda seems like one of those super hero movies a little bit.

[Xerclipse]

oh I was originally going to spell it as Viktor. Sometimes names are like that, but I gotta change that now.

[Xerclipse]

Episode 5 is now up