Prologue

The prologue of this story. Nothing really happens yet.

It was a nice Friday morning. 15 degrees, the sun was shining already, despite it being only 8:45 in the morning. I got on my bike, and pedaled like my life depended on it.. which it did in a way. Mom would kill me if I'd be late again.

While cycling to school, It felt like this would be a good day. I didn’t need a coat, and I had my dark blue vest open so I would feel the wind more. When I rode past the temperature sign, which also showed the time. 8:58.. I really had to rush now, first period would start in 7 minutes.

I ended up being pretty sweaty when I arrived at school, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. I usually came this late, which was barely a minute before the latest possible time. I used that minute to throw my vest in my locker, spray some deodorant on my under my shirt, and close my locker, and then I just made up the usual crazy excuse (usually involving a collapsing bridge, a tornado and a cow) as to why I was late, and the teacher was distracted enough by it to let me into the class despite being a bit late.

I spent the day in school half-asleep. As always, I doodled idly trough English, wrote down the lyrics to random songs I listened to during economics, and then during the fourth period, which was also English, I just laid my head on my arms without even bothering to pretend I was listening.

When the bell rang I walked out of the building, without really talking to anyone actively, other then my friend frank, who was talking about the usual Call Of Duty 6 session. When we walked outside, something seemed odd, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.. It was like the hue of everything was a bit darker… A different color, like the sun had a big purple lens in front of it. Nobody else seemed to notice though, so I decided it was nothing and took cycled home.

Despite the different coloring of everything, I could still enjoy the weather, so I decided to head to the lake first. I wasn’t planning on swimming, but the weather was even better then this morning, and it was already 26 degrees now. I stopped in the shadow of a couple of trees to watch the people trying to get a tan, but occasionally looked around at pretty much everything. The color seemed to become more obvious by the hour.

Apparently, someone noticed that I noticed, and walked over to me.

Light brown hair, green eyes, and a nice red bikini.. She was pretty cute, but I didn’t check her out long enough for her to say the typical “Eyes up here”. I decided I’d start up the conversation.

“Nice day out huh?” I asked innocently.

“Cut the crap. You see the strange color too right?” She asked angrily.. If looks could kill..

“You mean the purple hue?” I asked, as if it wasn’t anything special.

“No, I meant the bubblegum pink bikini over there. OFCOURSE I MENT THE PURPLE HUE!” She half-shouted. She had quite a mouth on her.

“What about it?” I asked casually.

“I don’t know.. It feels wrong.” She admitted, way less strict.

“And that I can see it as well proves you’re not crazy?” I added, figuring she might think the same as I did.

“And that…” She reluctantly admitted. “I’m  Cindy, Cindy DeLuca” She said, as she held out her hand.

I took it, and shook it gently.

“Mike Blokzijl. Pleased to meet you.”

We spent the rest of the day talking about this and that, but nothing significant, and after a few hours I had to go back home, so I gave her my numbers, she gave me hers, and we promised to keep in touch.

When I got home, I fried some chicken to eat, and went to bed early that night.

The purple hue didn't change since this afternoon.

Author's Note

As always, be critical, and but don't completely blow me off. I know nothing really happens that counts towards the plot here, but this is my first story, and I suck at intros

Reviews

[Rachel U.]

You have a few grammatical problems in this. You overuse your ellipses (which should be three periods, not two), and you have a few sentence fragments. I would suggest going through and checking each sentence to make certain that it has a subject and a verb. I'm not *particularly* caught up in the story/interested to see what happens next, but since you admit your prologues are your weak point, it is understandable.
Lastly, you need to work a little bit on your dialogue. It felt forced, unnatural. Imagine people actually saying it in real life.
Now, for the good stuff. Your characters are believable, so far (which bloody cool names, I might add). Your reference to a "Call of Duty 6" made me laugh a little bit, too. Your writing style isn't bad, it just needs development, which I feel will come easily to you in time. Overall, good work and good luck.
Oh, and welcome to the Cafe. ;)

[Eloise]

Very funny, it's a little long but then again so are Steven King's intros. Introduce the main character first, it helps the reader form more of a bond. The very end lacks depth, you want your into to suck readers in. Maybe revise it with a plot twist, you know something that makes the reader wonder 'What's going to happen next!' With Sci-fi you need to do that since it's sometimes over looked. Work on the plot, that's VERY IMPORTANT to your story! If you're writting with no idea of what you're doing it won't be as good. Keep working and thinking and I am sure you will get better!
-Eloise

[Kotai]

Thanks :D
But yeah, I figured I would have at least a few grammar errors. (English isn't my main language, which probably is the same as most people on here so not really an excuse, but still. :] ) so I tend to type without double checking for stuff like that.

Very awesome review by the way, something I can actually use rather then the "Wow, nice writing." or the "Thats it? Kinda lame dontcha think?" sorta stuff. I'll see if I can make the first chapter properly now :P