Victor

Let me win just this once, and bow your head for me.

Victor

I’ve forgotten your name,

I’ll say to you one day.

Do you know me from somewhere?

And I won’t recall ever having met you,

Known you, smiled at you, laughed with you,

Missed you, grieved for you, buried you,

Given you up for good.

And I want you to look at me then, be ashamed,

Be shocked, be speechless, be devastated that I don’t remember you

Grieve, mourn, wail, and have to stop to catch your breath

When you see how full I am, how satisfied I am without you,

How forgetful I’ve become, how curious I am at your speechlessness -

I want you to say with sweaty palms and a nervous grin -

Don’t you remember me? We were friends, once.

 

But I’m afraid that when that day comes

When I stand before you thinking that I am stronger,

Smarter, richer, better than I was, better than you are, winner -

You’ll look at me, mildly surprised -

Do you know me from somewhere?

And then I’ll despair and beat upon my chest

Because this wasn’t how I dreamed it.

This wasn’t how I dreamed it.

 

You’ll be the forgetful one, I know,

Sheepish, taken aback, genuinely clueless,

And I’ll stand there speechless, shocked, utterly devastated

Because this wasn’t how I dreamed it.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I was supposed to win in the end

To be stronger, to be smarter, to be richer,

To be better - to be winner

Because in the end, I know what we are

And what we aren’t, what we never were

What I might have wished we were

But never was. Never was.

Never was and never will be, I know,

Because we were only ever friends, nothing more.

 

Just this once, I want to win.

Just this once, I want to show the world

That I never needed you, that I am unafraid now

That I am better off without you than with

Because I am STRONG I am GREAT I am -

I am -

I am ME -

And what need of you have I? What need of you had I?

Let me dream of the day when I stand before you

And you are the one devastated and speechless

And let me be the one blithely unaware

Let me be the victor for just one moment

Even if it means I will never know it

Even if it means that I must forget that this is what I wanted all along.

 

Let me be proud just this once.

Let me dream and let me have just that

To be victor

for just one moment.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. Sometime it is good to bow your head and accept defeat to stop the pain. Easy to win. Hard to lose and allow the wound to heal. I like the desire and the purpose of this poem. Most of us take a lifetime to learn. Less words and to be humble leave the lessons of love to be less painful. Thank you for the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Suze]

I like this poem, I think anyone can relate to the feelings that you express as we've all been in similar positions with other people.

[Jasmine]

This poem has A LOT of potential, and I mean a lot, but I think there are some places it needs work. In advance, I'm sorry for my criticism and I hope you don't take it badly...:

OK, so, one thing is that you need to condense. I was hooked in from the start - the subject is very interesting - but in the 3rd and 4th verse, you say almost exactly what you said in the first two. You could really cut that down. Read through it, and note where you've said the same thing twice etc. I'd almost just stick with the 1st two verses, oust the last ones, and add in any bits from the last ones to the 1st two that you want to keep.

Also, you've used and repeated quite a few words, like "speechless(ness)", "stronger", "smarter", "richer", "better" and so on. Maybe uncomplicate things here by either changing the word for a synonim, or even just cutting it out all together. You don't need to say "stronger, smarter, richer, better" all in one go - it devalues the words (and reminds me of Kanye West LOL).

See what you can do with it. It was an interesting read, and could be a great little poem. (Oxymoron... sorry ;-)

[Sarah Deckard]

Wow! This poem really resonated with me as I'm sure it does with many people. Who has not been devastated by the loss of someone important to them? You capture the reaction of wanting to move on and forget so poignantly. I enjoyed the way the interior monologue flows, often repeating phrases because that is how the mind actually ruminates and dwells on ideas hard to forget.
They say that living well is the best revenge. This poem unveils the longing at the core of the attempt to transcend the pain of loss using the vivid and universal language of the grieving heart. You convey the devastation of the speaker and the noble attempt to rise above past circumstance in heartbreaking tones. I like how you show the desire for revenge in the tempered terms of trying to erase all memory of the person who hurt the protagonist. The speaker knows this means s/he will not even realize s/he has won if s/he succeeds in forgetting. However, the solace of such ignorance seems like a paradise compared to his/her current misery.
Do you listen to or have you read the lyrics of any Alanis Morissette's songs from after her first album? She goes to India, has a spiritual awakening, and her lyrics focus on trying to overcome internal struggles for the rest of her albums. Your poem reminds me of how she uses internal monologue to show blockages in her way of thinking as she struggles to rise above worldly circumstances. In your poem, the speaker is focused on a dream of transcending suffering, even as s/he realizes that a meeting with the one who hurt her will probably not give the closure desired. Still s/he strives to overcome this life hurdle which others might let devastate them. If you haven't read much Alanis Morrisette, I highly recommend you look up her lyrics on the net. You both convey the process of resolution in the mind in a similar style. If you don't glean any inspiration or tips on writing internalized thoughts from her work, you will at least gain insight into the human psyche and enjoy the exposure.

[❀ Gabriela ..]

Wow. Just wow! Amazing, brilliant poem!!

[Rae Elizabeth]

So emotional... Brilliant. A well written write. Truly amazing. (:

[TomQuick]

this is a strong piece. I love your style and the precision with witch you capture a hard to place internal conflict. I would like to see more images, maybe something about the person's posture would be cool.