I: Flight

I: Flight

A Chapter by xx
"

Even roses have thorns, and underneath his pretty exterior, he's no rose at all.

"

 I: Flight

 

She undressed her surroundings with a singular gleam in her eye: there were a dozen crooks standing around the podium in the middle of the room, the kinds of professional crooks who could have made it big in Sitopis if they just hadn't made the wrong enemies. She could always tell their types apart from the rest of the crowd; she could see the flames burning somewhere in the hollows of their cheeks and the snarling-whipped look in their eyes, the look of vicious dogs beaten down mercilessly, the hard way, with clubs and whips and fists.


The young man in the middle of them all was different, that one leaning on the podium and watching her with crooked eye and smile. He reeked of - what an unholy stench - utter confidence; he was carrying himself too easily, too unwarily, too idly to be one of them. He was well-groomed; he was clean and his skin flawless. His clothes were well-tailored; his white dress shirt and black slacks were draped impeccably over his lean frame. He had an eye patch over his right eye that clashed incongruously with the rest of his professional attire, as if he were playing a game of pirates and treasure - most Sitopis residents couldn't care less about hiding scars and marks; some even flaunted them. This man was so indiscreetly concealing his own.


                How interesting, she thought.


                His functioning left eye shined the most unnatural shade blue she had yet to see - she had no doubt that such an eye would fetch hundreds in the market. She herself had those unexceptional brown eyes that were identical to just about everyone else’s. He even had white hair - and he was no albino! - tousled and lovely and careless and would probably fetch just as much as his eyes. The old-timers thought albino articles were good luck, and they paid good money if sellers could prove that whatever they had had come from an albino’s body.

                She didn’t favor albinos one way or the other over anyone else, but she couldn't deny this pseudo-albino’s appeal. He was a dead ringer for an Adonis; even the fluorescent lights illuminating his face seemed to form a halo around his head. Too bad. She'd actually met an Adonis and resisted a frontal pheromone barrage without breaking a sweat. This would be like upside down cake in comparison.

"Gentlemen, good morning," she greeted them from the door. She didn't expect any welcoming exclamations. Besides the generally hostile personalities of the criminals staring back at her, tardiness was one of their especial pet peeves.

                They were the Sitopis Outcasts, fallen stars that had lost all their brilliance, but most of them retained their old habits, leftovers from their glory days. Like reliability, punctuality.

                Tag was rarely punctual where meetings were concerned. Meetings or anything else, really.

                "You're late." Oh, Gilligan, Tag thought, appraising him from afar without moving away from the door. He was the bitterest in the room, the most ornery, a wretched man, truly. He'd lost the canal toll works only a few weeks ago - again - after fighting tooth and nail to regain his position as steward primary of the canal industry. He'd lost it the first time six years ago due to his own foolishness, creating an enemy in the canal Baron's son and fooling himself into thinking that no ill would come of it. He’d become wiser, but he was as impulsive as he had ever been, and it had been not only the end to his initial rise to fame - it had been the end to his miraculous phoenix-like resurrection after that. This time around, he had been sabotaged by a competitor who had been masquerading as an ally from the very beginning, a real vulture of a man who had merely been nurturing Gilligan’s efforts in order to ripen them for the taking.

                Lesson: Gilligan hadn't been paranoid enough.

                "I wasn't sure whether to come or not." Tag took a step forward from the door, about to join the gaggle congregated around the man at the podium. She thought better of it when she noted a few hairy upper lips curling in derision at her arrival and subsequent self-welcome.

                Gilligan clenched his jaw and stared back at her with a particularly disagreeable expression stamped upon his face. "You didn't know whether or not to accept Baron Cain's invitation?"

                Ah, Baron Cain Osiris, that Adonis-lookalike leaning on that podium and watching her with that lazy smile. He was a powerful man, then, and he had every right to act the way he did - like a self-content worm, Tag thought. Supposedly endowed with not only superior senses, but heightened mental faculties as well. But he was beautiful, Tag thought, and she resisted the urge to curl her upper lip at him. He could be as dumb as a Defect and they would still call him a paragon.

                If he really was Baron Cain Osiris, then he was the heir apparent of Leviticus Inks, Incumbent of the "law enforcement" industry. More accurately, Incumbent of the weapons trade.

                "No need to start using Sitopis fancy-talk around me," said Tag. "Titles like Baron don't scare me. I'm not from around here, remember?" she added, knowing full well that such an admission would only serve to further enrage Giligan. He had always been a nativist, that rascal.

                "It shows," Gilligan snarled; he was already working himself up and Tag was utterly delighted behind her facade of stolid impudence. "And we haven't forgotten, believe you me-"

                "Why did you hesitate?"

                And that was Cain Osiris himself approaching her, no longer standing idly by the podium with his arm draped over it, no longer acting the part of celebrity Baron, future Incumbent, but of someone else, something else - he was on the move. Moving - like a panther, navigating his way between the other guests he had invited - who else could have been the one to call them all here? - to this broken down place, a once-upon-a-time conference room. Why had he even invited them here, of all places? There were superstitions about this place. Even if Tag didn’t believe in them herself, others did - many. He had some kind of purpose to all this, a shadowy motive beneath all this business that he had yet to reveal, some reason for all these silly antics and theatrics.

                Watch out, Tag told herself. He moves, with purpose.

                She would have grinned if she had been sure that he had no concealed weapon on his body. Her wariness of such a possibility, actually, had less to do with his Barony of the relevant "industry" and more to do with the fact that he was just - a native of Sitopis. Him and everyone else here, too.

                "Because it would have been right shameful to walk right into a trap and get knifed between the ribs, or blown up altogether. Can't trust invitations these days, especially if they seem legitimate." Tag cocked her head when Cain came to a stop before her. "The letterheads were very tasteful, I heard. I'm surprised no one else thought twice about this - conference, I think you called it, in the invitation.”

                Gilligan snorted, and his muddy brown eyes rolled up into his head. "Why? You think you've done something worth getting killed for?" His eyes were narrowed, accusing. Some of the other guests stared at her as if echoing his sentiments.

                Tag stared at Gilligan then, ignoring Cain's presence although he had advanced close enough that he was almost upon her. “What an asinine question. We've all done something."

                There came no answer, only silence.

                She knew Gilligan had spoken out of hatred, but she had been shocked humorless by his idiocy.

                It was true, after all. Everyone here had made enemies out of powerful people, one way or the other. Were they all going to start pretending that they were following some sort of code of honor, simply because some pretentious Baron had summoned them to a  - a conference, as the invitation had called it? Tag was truly surprised no one had declined to attend, or at least straddled the fence - were they all so desperate to throw themselves back into the palms of the Sitopis mighty?

                And then Cain took that final step, successfully blocking her view of the others entirely. She found herself staring at his chest, decided that this was a poor vantage point indeed, and looked up into his eyes. What, was he going to knife her, as she had earlier suggested he would? It wouldn’t surprise her. After all, Sitopis didn't like limiting the dirty work to the grunts. Even Barons knew how to act like proper criminals.

 

Tag figured she would be able to bolt before then. He was a Baron, he was Baron Cain Osiris, even, but there was a reason behind the nickname Coyotefoot, and she hadn’t even come up with that herself.

                "It was very difficult to find you," he said, looking down at her with a smile curving his lips. "I'm glad my invitation finally reached you, even though it had to pass between a few lips and ears and hands, too, on their way there."

 

It was then, when the Baron smiled at her and spoke softy to her in a voice like snowdrifts, that Tag realized why no one else had suspected any foul play, why everyone had trusted this man implicitly, so uncharacteristically, why she had been the only one with her wits about herself. She retreated a step, pressed her back up against the door. She averted her eyes and kept her eyebrows from furrowing; one hint of stress and he would probably try to use it against her. “Cain Osi-” she managed, and then she stopped herself before she fell into the trap any deeper.

                She wouldn't fall for that kind of cheap trick, she thought furiously. She ought to have suspected the moment she walked in and spotted his pretty face. Adonis weren't the only things to steer clear of in Sitopis. Far from it. People like Cain - his kind - they were at least ten times worse. On a good day.

                Tag was going to guess that today wasn't one of those days.


"If you keep breathing on my face like that trying to feather me down, I'm going to find it necessary to leave," she said. She stood there with her arms akimbo - actually a strategic move to situate her left hand as near to the doorknob as possible. "So give it up."


Some of the others were surreptitiously edging closer, trying to overhear the conversation between Baron and Outcast. Evidently, they hadn't heard what Tag was saying and the implications of her words, but she had a feeling that they wouldn't have cared. They were already caught deep. In the case that they even had any sense left to believe her, they probably still wouldn't even care. Only Tag was left standing now, staring off the side with a constipated expression on her face in order to avoid being taken in with all the rest. It wasn't exactly a winning fight she was fighting, either. She wouldn't fall for his tricks, fine, but now, with a little help from his new friends, he was in a position to simply disable her.

                Permanently.


“I didn’t know,” she said after a brief pause, in a voice low and slow but not too wary, because she wouldn’t give him that satisfaction, “that your kind still existed in a city like this.”

                "What was that?" And then he was leaning closer, as if to better hear what she was saying, but she knew the reason why he was going to such great lengths to intrude in her personal space.

                Ordinarily, her pride would have driven her to stand her ground, but now wasn't the time for a cockfight. Proximity alert, Tag hissed at herself. Do something. But what? She could stand up to an Adonis any day from now to Judgment Day, but against someone like this - if she breathed in his exhalation, she'd probably fall right there at his feet.

                "Back off." As if she were in a position to make demands. She gave herself a ten for pure guts. She was literally standing toe-to-toe with this devil of a man and she was still mouthing off to him.

                "Come now," he said gently. He leaned in even closer, as if he hadn't noticed that Tag had turned her head away and clearly didn't appreciate the violation of her personal space. His right hand reached for the doorknob by her waist, hanging off it as if he were about to open it for her - but it simply remained there, clearly unmoving.

                Cat scat, Tag though. He'd been a step ahead of her, reading her like a book - he had seen her move her arms and had probably deduced that she would try to make a run for it. Now she couldn't leave the room. No windows, either. This room was nestled in the middle of the building itself, so there were no other exits. At this point, Tag's only option was to simply bust through a wall, and she wasn't all that certain that it was a bad choice to make, after all, considering the circumstances. Between Cain Osiris - what he was - and a few bumps and bruises, she would take the latter any day.

                "You can rest your wings, and I'll be gone. Quick as can be." She kept her voice low. There was no sense in making too big of a fuss. Besides, alerting the others to her new-found knowledge wouldn’t accomplish anything; they were all too far entangled to escape.

                He cocked his head at just the slightest angle. "You came, didn't you? Won’t you stay?"

                "Didn't know you were one of those."

                "Does it make any difference?"

                Yes, it does, Tag wanted to say, but that would get her nowhere at all. "Start talking, then. I didn't come here to get feathered down. Try all you want, but I'm here to do business."

                "If you had come earlier, you would have heard everything already." Cain raised his hand - the one not on the doorknob, to Tag's utter chagrin - to arrest the creeping progress of his newest minions, who had been drawing ever closer to listen in. They stopped immediately.

                "Well-trained." Tag allowed no bitterness to seep into her words, only a bit of jaunty sarcasm. "If I hadn't come at all, I might have avoided this fiasco." She let her voice rise in volume just the slightest bit for the benefit of those who might be near enough to hear. It was hope made in vain, but if even one of them happened to snap out of his stupor, then it might well be worth it.

                "It's not a fiasco, unless you make it one."

                She stilled. His first threat, however subtle. It told her that he didn't want her running her mouth about him. It also told her that she was beginning to test his patience. So maybe he was in a hurry, after all.

                "Point taken," she said. "Make it simple."

                He smiled down at her. "Fortress. A way in."



© 2012 xx


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You should avoid complex sentences especially 3 or more lines long. It is tolerable if it happens from time to time, but one after the other is not the best choice. I mean there is nothing wrong with your structure or anything it’s just, in general, better to simplify the sentences and divide them if you don’t necessarily need to have them together. It just reads easier.

For example: “She could always tell their types apart from the rest of the crowd; she could see the flames…” etc.
Can be easily dome like: “She could always tell their types apart from the rest of the crowd. She could see the flames…” etc.
In short if you have too much of this – ; or “and…and” you should consider splitting sentences.

Otherwise really great, I have no critique for style or grammar.
As a story it seems pretty stable and well established so far. You have a bit of a mystery and tension going on, good stuff. It’s getting hard and harder to find quality writing here, keep up the good work.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very interesting story. You've painted a wonderful picture with your words and I eagerly await the next chapter to see how the events unfold. The only problem I have is the few run-on sentences that you have.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

An excellent opening. Gives just enough information without bogging down the action with explanations. I'll be very interested to see how you go about answering the dozens of little questions (about setting, characters, ect.) you've set up here.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You should avoid complex sentences especially 3 or more lines long. It is tolerable if it happens from time to time, but one after the other is not the best choice. I mean there is nothing wrong with your structure or anything it’s just, in general, better to simplify the sentences and divide them if you don’t necessarily need to have them together. It just reads easier.

For example: “She could always tell their types apart from the rest of the crowd; she could see the flames…” etc.
Can be easily dome like: “She could always tell their types apart from the rest of the crowd. She could see the flames…” etc.
In short if you have too much of this – ; or “and…and” you should consider splitting sentences.

Otherwise really great, I have no critique for style or grammar.
As a story it seems pretty stable and well established so far. You have a bit of a mystery and tension going on, good stuff. It’s getting hard and harder to find quality writing here, keep up the good work.


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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AK
Absolutely amazing! I loved this chapter! Keep writing!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There really isn't anything to add that hasn't been said before in the comments other than that I too enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to hopefully reading more.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is absolutely terrific. You clearly defined everything that needed to be; the setting, Tag, Cain, the people, it's all great. You also left holes in the story, making people wonder exactly what's going on. Don't mistake that as a downfall, it improved the story tremendously to have the aura of mystery around it. i also liked the lengthiness of the chapter, it's very suitable, definitely shouldn't be summarized at any part. All in all, a great chapter, keep it up. Keep up all your work really, as it's all fantastic.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A amazing opening chapter. I like the way you described the people and the place. Giving story and life to the main character allowing the story to gain life. You brought me in with the good discussions and conflicts. I would like to read more. Thank you for sharing the excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

it's really good one of the best I've read very good dialogue and descriptions the writing is very good i like the main character's intrepid and intuitive nature.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh my gosh, Mina, you are a true artist. Words are your paint and the world is your canvas. Wow, thats all i have to say about this chapter.Wow. AMMMAAAZZZZIIINGGG!! :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 27, 2012
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