You Must Have Lied to Me

and I think I'd believe anything you said to me.

You must have lied to me.

 

If you had spoken truth with me

and told me that the distance between us was infinitely greater

than the accidental brush of your fingertips against my side

and

the way I could never meet your eyes

and

the way I thought you smiled at me

then maybe I wouldn’t have struggled with myself so much.

 

You must have lied to me.

 

You must have lied to me

and told me by the way you always tried to hold my gaze

and

the way you made your hands graze mine

and

the mischief you made to make me smile

that we could close that distance between us.

 

But no, you must have lied to me

because if you had spoken truth with me

I would be content if we remained strangers.

 

I think I must have lied to me, too, though

because I forged on despite every disappointment

despite the times I failed to catch your gaze

despite the times you mentioned her name

because I just couldn’t forget.

 

I could not let you go.

 

Hearing someone say your name

makes my insides hurt.

 

I don’t know what exactly is hurting but

it just hurts all over.

 

Hearing someone say your name makes everything hurt

because I’m not brave enough to ask about you.

 

Hearing your name hurts me

because I have this feeling that

I’ll never be able to say it again.

 

And you hurt me

and you keep hurting me

because I always find you in my prayers

and you really shouldn’t be there.

 

You hurt me then

and you hurt me now

and I know that this can’t possibly last forever

but something hurts inside

and

I just

just cannot

just cannot

let you

go

Author's Note

Another freestyle horror. I know that many prefer poems with a rhyme scheme but I've never been able to pen those. ;-;

EDIT: Oops, I didn't mean that this poem was of the horror genre - it's just another horrible production from me. For some reason, nothing ever comes out quite like I wanted it to...xD

Enjoy!

Reviews

[CS]

You know what I like most about this, Mina...is that it actually is a horror story! Why? Because this is far too real and far too scary. If you have been in this situation, you know exactly how scary it is. How very true about the name. There is more than one person in my life that I will never be able to even say their name again and get irritated when I even hear it, even when someone shares the same name. I hate that.

Not being able to let someone go is one of the most horrible feelings one can have. What makes it worse is that we do it to ourselves. Much like an ascetic. We punish ourselves until we learn discipline.

How often truth becomes a lie when love isn't there to make it reality.

I enjoyed reading this very much :)

[Donald Meikle]

It's been two years since I read this. It is so real so grabbing I have to ask. Did you?

[xx]

I did. And I didn't. Four years isn't too long a time haha

[Sami Khalil]

Pain , hurt , horror of losing ...You have covered it all splendidly...:>)...................

[Pax]

a painful sting in my heart is throbbing while i read this... I wonder if i am just feeling cold or its the feelings that the poem brought...

the author's note is funny for I find it a horrific tale too, for infact to relive those moments of the past is quite scary, but you'll be glad your out of that situation... and learned what's now and move forward...

what i felt is a terrible feeling in this kind of situation, almost so surreal - love hurts even though you know it was not meant for you, you still love the person anyways despite being hurt in the end...

great piece!

[Donald Meikle]

It's been a while now. how do you feel? comfortable? relieved? still empty? or just your usual self with another memory you can live with?

[astronaut]

This is really nice, and I enjoyed it. I really liked the ending, because the speaker feels so much pain, it just really reflects on the emotion. I'll read more of your poems, you have a unique writing style. Good job and keep writing! Definitely 100/100. :)

[Timeless-Chan]

it's not as bad as you think. at least it doesn't sound like you tried to force it. it's flow could be a little better but other then that the concept it there! i like it:)

[Scytheriax]

This is definitely a piece of longing. The diction is a bit simplistic but it gets the POV across. I almost feel as if it's a child that is speaking in a way, mostly because of the diction.
In a way, this reminds me of dealing with the abuse I've dealt with in life and of my boyfriend who has experienced a similar case. It's just a longing of really loving someone despite the fact that they constantly abuse and lie to you.
The emotion of the piece is palpable and definitely comes across well to the reader, though at times it's a little in your face.
Honestly, I'm a little confused as to how this piece is considered in the horror genre. Yes, there is a victim in the piece, but there is no creeping suspense, no threatening or frightening atmosphere, and no menace hiding in the shadows. I like the piece but I think that the genre definition doesn't quite fit.
Truthfully, I'm glad you chose not to pen a rhyme scheme because a lot of the times that's more distracting and the rhymes have a tendency to seem forced or writers resort to half-rhymes.
This is a good piece and has some potential, but maybe some revisiting is necessary if you want to turn this into a horror poem.

[xx]

Ah, I wasn't thinking! I meant that this is another horror/horrible production from me, not necessarily a writing that is in the horror genre. I should have been more careful with my author's note. x3

But thank you very much for your review! I knew some playing around with the words was necessary, but I think you have just given me the final push. I'll be looking over the poem and tuning up where necessary! :3

-Mina

[Scytheriax]

Good luck! Let me know when you revise it.