Behind Every Person

Song about my depression I was able to fight off due to the friends I met

On the other side of myself

Stands my fragile self, i

Depression, suicidal thoughts, it's poisonous 

My depression keeps coming back again from time to time 

Heck no perhaps that might be my true self that I hate so much, I feel like I am becoming my parents

Around the age of sixteen, I developed social anxiety

That was when my mind became polluted by this demon 

There are times I’m scared to look in the mirror to see what a pitiful person I am

Thanks to the depression that takes over me

And all my self-hatred

송지석 is dead (I killed him)

Comparing my sad past with others who got to live like a real child of a happy home 

It’s now a part of my daily life to do so 

On the first visit to a psychiatric ward at age seventeen

My parents came with me

We listened to the consultation together and when my parents cruelly told me I was useless weak s**t 

My parents said they didn't truly understand me and I wasn't their son anymore because I was emotionally unstable 

If I don’t understand myself either then who would understand me or my true self?

Friends? Or you? Nobody knows me

The doctor asks me if I've ever self-harmed or tried to commit suicide 

I answered without hesitation that I have because I couldn't take the continual abuse and crap I received from my parents who were supposed to give me comfort and warmth 

I began to act happy to hide my weak self despite feeling dead inside

Those days I wish I could erase

The day I confronted myself and saw those dead eyes in the cracked mirror 

When I hid in the bathroom because I was scared of people's judgments when they saw the scars on my wrist 

That time I, that time I

I thought success, friends, and happiness would make everything okay

But you see As time goes by, I feel like I’m turning into a monster

I’ve exchanged my dark past for the hope of happiness and success

And that monster demands for more 

It puts a collar on my neck

To ruin and swallow me with suicidal thoughts 

My parents try to tell me I should be dead and say

I should swallow a bunch of pills so I never wake up again

I don’t want it

I’m the source of all this so I’ll stop myself

If my misfortune is your happiness to you then I’ll happily stay unfortunate

If I’m the figure of hate

I’ll hang myself 

The things I’ve only dreamed of turns into reality

My childhood dreams are in front of my eyes yet people telling me I couldn't do it

The night when I thought I wasn't going to make until my twenties

Now I am celebrating my birthday happily with new friends and the love of my life

My one and only life that I should never forsake 

I can easily live it passionately than any other person who bitterly looked down on me 

My friends I hope you don’t worry because I’m really okay now 

I am not hurting because you numbed my pain 

I’ve denied my true self many times

The misery that dug into my mind countless times is gone now 

There’s no answer but I know I will find it 

My happiness and joy which I thought I had given away

Has turned into self-respect

I keep y head high with pride now because I want to give hope to others who are living with the same pain as I did 

You all say we couldn’t do it but I did it 

I have tasted the sweet, bitter s**t of this cruel world

Those days when I tried to sleep on the toilet floor or crying my eyes out 

It’s all memories now 

My shoulder which shattered

Thanks to the abuse I met

from my father's beating 

I am okay now because memories can't hurt me anymore

I've gotten over it 

Sorrow created me 

It has molded me into a better person and I was able to give some hope to other people like me 

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thanks for entering my real me competition recently i am still judging all this weekend, thanks for this amazing raw honest work

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thanks! c:

[Paul]

Documentation
4/16/18
11:40 AM U.S. CST
"Dude! Are You into U.S. Country Music?"
by PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org)

Ji-Suk

Sound's like you're getting screwed by a bunch of Astral traveler's, in this one, as they have their welfare fantasy wagon out, Astraly. You write about you having one too many crick's in your life experience for Astral welfare warrior's not to try to scavenge you, Ji-Suk. They see you living a life of good pickings, but they are the one's who don't get reality! Yeah, I'd say they dump on you, one way or the other, and this is why you have a case of general depression. Yeah, it's just my take on this, but it sound's like it, Ji-Suk. Rodent's will be rodent's...

I like how you write about your True Self, or as I put it, your real Self. How can someone live a retail existence, inwardly? A person can't, in my opinion, and this is what Disorder Criminal's don't see, or want to see, as their welfare wagon need's filling with someone else's thought's.

Well, I don't know what to say about what you wrote about your father beating you. You imply living in a high-strung performance-based culture, but for what? If dude love's his beer that much, who is he to say one thing, and beat you with another? I don't get that, so you might want to write more about this. Your purpose for writing this piece is clear, but it kind of isn't. You think about some thing's in bit's and pieces of detail, and the rest seems general. If you were more specific in writing, with you being your audience to start out with, you might see writing as a way to help you better solve your problem's, if this is what you're after, Ji-Suk.

My writing saying is a popular one, kind of: "Thinking is writing, and writing is thinking." A lot of the great's study their own work, and you might want to be a bit in-depth with your work, as in learning how and why you are your own best audience, for opener's, Ji-Suk. Then again, maybe you are...

Yeah, the psyc. ward thing is a bummer, as a lot of people go with the mind-level reputation of the place, and their stay turn's out to be a disaster, but it's what they make it.

I have something on TES about mental health basics, and you might want to have a look at what I have, for opener's, as it might help you. My real name is Paul Grant Harper, and this will help you find my resources on TES, Ji-Suk.

Yeah, I'm kind of a scatterbrain reviewer, if you didn't notice, but I insist on just being myself, instead of following a well-established and traditional classic review thing. Your life experience is a bummer, at least the one in your piece is. Yeah, sound's like Astral rodent's, to me!

PB Jacobs

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thanks for your review! But what is Astral if I may ask? c:

[sette]

i have been there with social anxiety, acrophobia and depression and when i look back at those times that suicide was the first thing on my mind i really pray and thank God that i did not end my life back then because the truth is God had opened many doors for me for a new beginning and i really hope and pray that He will also heal you, give Him the chance. Don't let evil conquer you but be strong than before.

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thank you c:

[sette]

you are welcome and stay strong

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thank you I will!

[A.Tarek]

Oh.. I can't find words to descripe it.. The suffering and the sadness along the poem.. all the other feelings you wanted to deliever, I felt it.. you did a great job on this work
I enjoyed it and liked the ending of not giving up for despair and to that monster.. I liked it

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thanks! I am glad you liked it a lot! It's on person experiences in my past. Luckily i have fought off that monster and despair

[Locke Redwyne (night sy..]

Wow, this is really deep and I like the depth of emotion that is created, and I kind of connect to this, on a level
I mean, is *anyone* completely emotionally stable?

[송지석 / Ji-Suk]

Thanks I am glad you liked the meaning of it c: