Agranil confronts Morrias

A short conflict between a sinister young mage and imperfectly righteous paladin.

"I know what you're planning Morrias! You know i can't allow it." Agranil said firmly as he stood fully dressed for battle, shield in his left hand and right hand resting on his sheathed sword.

"And what do you intend to do about it paladin? You have no proof and I've done nothing wrong." Morrias was not armored, but always ready for a fight. He wore around his left hand a glove with an arcane crystal for focusing his spells.

Agranil had his mind set on this fight. He was enraged having found out that Morrias's plan was to learn and practice enchantment magic to enslave others for personal gain. In Agranil's eyes this was against the will of God and he could not allow it to happen. It's also against God's will to slay a so-far innocent man, but he saw no other way to stop Morrias.

Morrias did not want this confrontation. He may have some magic at his disposal, but fighting a paladin would still be incredibly risky. It would be ideal to kill Agranil now in self defense and not have to deal with someone watching him for the next several years, after all it would be self defense and perfectly legal. 

"It's too late to use any spells to twist his mind... " Morrias thought "i could attempt to more directly damage his mind, but it wouldn't be able to kill him before he sliced my throat with that sword. My options are to disguise myself if i can find a crowd or put him into a magical slumber. Of course i could just try lightning...."

"I'm waiting Morrias! Turn yourself in and give up your ways or I'll have to.." he trailed off not wanting to speak out loud what he was about to do.

"we both already know I've got nothing to turn myself in for. So it's your move Agranil, or has your conscious caught up with you?"

"Damn it, you've forced my hand!" Agranil spits the words out as he slowly draws his sword, still not completely willing to go through with it. As he does this Morrias opens his gloved left hand drawing magic energy into a blue light centered in his palm then crushes it in his hand causing a magical barrier to form around himself. It isn't impenetrable but will hopefully help him survive this fight. After a moment of Agranil working up the nerve to make a move he grips his sword and shield tighter, leans forward and then charges for Morrias. Morrias, however, was watching carefully waiting for his move and managed to trigger a spell before Agranil made it to him. An arc of electrical energy launches form his hand toward Agranil, but Agranil's trained reflexes allowed him to raise his shield up just in time to pull the lightning away from his body. Agranil attempts to follow up that block with a swing of his sword, but the light from the lightning that's still crashing into his shield made it difficult to land a precise attack. Morrias was not blinded and managed to evade the swing with relative ease. Morrias then attempts to redirect the arc of lighting back at Agranil and is barely able to direct it away form all his metal armor. The lightning jumps between two pieces of Agranil's armor for just a brief moment, but that was enough to get a bit of a burn on his arm. Reflexively Agranil kept close to his opponent and went for another horizontal cut which makes contact with the magic barrier but pushes through and lands a decent cut across Morrias's chest. He's bleeding pretty badly and Morrias knows this is a loosing fight. He spots a window not too far, it may be his only chance. Once in the street below he can cast an illusion to disguise himself and get away. Being careful not to open himself to another attack Morrias drops the lighting spell and makes a break for that window. With no time to come up with a better idea he dives through the window with his arms over his head. Agranil just behind him pauses for a moment in shock as he watches the glass slice into Morrias before he falls down a story and lands hard on his side in the street below. Agranil not willing to subject himself to that fall rushes for the stairs.

Morrias gets up with effort and limps into the next street over then casts his disguise spell making himself look like a busy working man., though he still leave a trail of blood. Agranil makes it to the street and knows Morrias has escaped for now. Even if he were to attempts to track him by the blood the streets are too filthy and the trail would likely run dry. 

They both know Morrias can't show his face here again. Agranil is a respectable, if young, paladin. When he makes a report on what happened Morrias will be labeled a criminal and assaulter of paladins. 

Author's Note

I wanted to just get something written to start me off. This is just a small moment between two opposed characters and not yet apart of any larger work. Please give me your thoughts, constructive criticisms, and encouragement. I hope this community will help grow me into a better writer.

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask…

• "I know what you're planning Morrias! You know i can't allow it." Agranil said firmly as he stood fully dressed for battle, shield in his left hand and right hand resting on his sheathed sword.

While we write from our own chair, we must edit from that of the reader who knows only what the words suggest to them, not what we intend. So let’s look at this from a reader’s viewpoint: We don’t know where we are in time and space. We don’t know the setting, the people, or what led to this. So lacking context, what can a reader make if it?

Agranil may know what’s planned, but the reader certainly doesn’t, so the remark is meaningless to that reader. You know. Both of the participants know. Shouldn’t the one it was written for be in on it, too?

And: You end the first sentence with an exclamation point, then tell the reader it was spoken “firmly?” Seriously?

• "And what do you intend to do about it paladin? You have no proof and I've done nothing wrong." Morrias was not armored, but always ready for a fight. He wore around his left hand a glove with an arcane crystal for focusing his spells.

So two people we know nothing about are posturing for the audience’s benefit, for reasons we know nothing about. See how different the story the reader gets is from what you intend?

And note the pattern you’ve created. You report what the character says, and then explain what you feel the reader needs to know. That’s the form of a report, not a story. Stories don’t stop and start. They flow in real-time. In stories characters think, they don’t have a mind-reader tell the reader that someone thought it.

In short—and remember, you did ask—like pretty much all hopeful writers you’re trying to use the writing skills we’re given in school in writing fiction. But it can’t be done. In school we learn only nonfiction writing skills, and practice them by writing reports and essays. That makes sense given that the purpose of school is to give the students skills that employers find useful.

Professions, on the other hand, are learned IN ADDITION to our schooldays skills, and Fiction-Writing is a profession.

I know that’s neither good news nor what you hoped to hear, but if writing fiction is your goal, I thought you would want to know, especially since it’s simple to fix.

The local library system’s fiction-writing section is a great resource, and a place to pick up the basics of the profession. So time spent there is time wisely invested. An while you’re there, look for the names, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon n the spine of a book on fiction-writing techniques. They're gold

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Koopagold]

Thank you very much for your time and insights. I dont think you came off as harshly as you were worried you might, or perhaps we were both concerned I'd be more sensitive than I turned out to be. Either way I did want to know this. It may take a bit of time to improve as I'm doing this more as a hobby, but I'll look into those writing technique authors you mentioned.

I did know I was lacking context early in this but was unsure how to provide it early on without creating a boring into paragraph before a too short confrontation. I will work on it, along with the suggestions you made.

I appreciate your review and again thank you for your insights.

[JayG]

For an idea of how different what we learn in school is from the skills of fiction, you might look at a few of the articles in my writing blog.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

It's a fine piece, however you always want to make sure spelling, grammar and punctuation is on point, it makes it easier for the reader to enjoy, I've done a quick look over and made a few slight changes.

"I know what you're planning Morrias! You know I can't allow it." Agranil said firmly as he stood fully dressed for battle, shield in his left hand and right hand resting on his sheathed sword.
"And what do you intend to do about it paladin? You have no proof and I've done nothing wrong." Morrias was not armoured, but always ready for a fight. He wore around his left hand a glove with an arcane crystal for focusing his spells.
Agranil had his mind set on this fight. He was enraged having found out that Morrias's plan was to learn and practice enchantment magic to enslave others for personal gain. In Agranil's eyes this was against the will of God and he could not allow it to happen. It's also against God's will to slay a so-far innocent man, but he saw no other way to stop Morrias.
Morrias did not want this confrontation. He may have some magic at his disposal, but fighting a paladin would still be incredibly risky. It would be ideal to kill Agranil now in self-defence and not have to deal with someone watching him for the next several years, after all it would be self-defence and perfectly legal.
"It's too late to use any spells to twist his mind... “Morrias thought "I could attempt to more directly damage his mind, but it wouldn't be able to kill him before he sliced my throat with that sword. My options are to disguise myself if I can find a crowd or put him into a magical slumber. Of course I could just try lightning...."
"I'm waiting Morrias! Turn yourself in and give up your ways or I'll have to...” he trailed off not wanting to speak out loud what he was about to do.
"We both already know I've got nothing to turn myself in for. So it's your move Agranil, or has your conscious caught up with you?"
"Damn it, you've forced my hand!" Agranil spits the words out as he slowly draws his sword, still not completely willing to go through with it. As he does this Morrias opens his gloved left hand drawing magic energy into a blue light centred in his palm then crushes it in his hand causing a magical barrier to form around himself. It isn't impenetrable but will hopefully help him survive this fight. After a moment of Agranil working up the nerve to make a move he grips his sword and shield tighter, leans forward and then charges for Morrias. Morrias, however, was watching carefully waiting for his move and managed to trigger a spell before Agranil made it to him. An arc of electrical energy launches form his hand toward Agranil, but Agranil's trained reflexes allowed him to raise his shield up just in time to pull the lightning away from his body. Agranil attempts to follow up that block with a swing of his sword, but the light from the lightning that's still crashing into his shield made it difficult to land a precise attack. Morrias was not blinded and managed to evade the swing with relative ease. Morrias then attempts to redirect the arc of lighting back at Agranil and is barely able to direct it away from all his metal armour. The lightning jumps between two pieces of Agranil's armour for just a brief moment, but that was enough to get a bit of a burn on his arm. Reflexively Agranil kept close to his opponent and went for another horizontal cut which makes contact with the magic barrier but pushes through and lands a decent cut across Morrias's chest. He's bleeding pretty badly and Morrias knows this is a losing fight. He spots a window not too far, it may be his only chance. Once in the street below he can cast an illusion to disguise himself and get away. Being careful not to open himself to another attack Morrias drops the lighting spell and makes a break for that window. With no time to come up with a better idea he drives through the window with his arms over his head. Agranil just behind him pauses for a moment in shock as he watches the glass slice into Morrias before he falls down a story and lands hard on his side in the street below. Agranil not willing to subject himself to that fall rushes for the stairs.
Morrias gets up with effort and limps into the next street over then casts his disguise spell making himself look like a busy working man., though he still leave a trail of blood. Agranil makes it to the street and knows Morrias has escaped for now. Even if he were to attempts to track him by the blood the streets are too filthy and the trail would likely run dry.
They both know Morrias can't show his face here again. Agranil is a respectable, if young, paladin. When he makes a report on what happened Morrias will be labelled a criminal and assaulter of paladins.

[Koopagold]

Thank you for this, I'll compare the two versions and look for the changes when I get a chance to sit down and plug them into a word processor.