On Down the Road

Bad blood it stews
Inside the core
It branches out
Through shattered frame

The cracks reforged
As unto steel
Death radiates
Deep in the soul

On down the road
Chaotic road
That winding road
Of violent flames

And when death knocks
Upon my door
Don't mourn for me
For I am home

Walking among
The giants nest
A speck of dust
Among the wind

Gladly embracing
Ruthless destiny
A friend the reaper
Has found in me

On down the road
Chaotic road
That winding road
Of violent flames

And when death knocks
Upon my door
Don't mourn for me
For I am home

Don't mourn for me
For I am home

Author's Note

Second attempt I've ever made at writing anything.

Reviews

[Rastinha]

Hey I really like this, the meter is good and the rhythm of the poem is cool. I like the language used and the imagery, it's very abstract but still tangible enough to relate to the narrator. The only part I struggled with a little was the verse that says:

Gladly embracing
Ruthless destiny
A friend the reaper
Has found in me

Every line in the rest of the poem has a rhythm of: ta TUM ta TUM, but you can't say the first two lines, particularly Ruthless destiny, in that rhythm, so it feels like a bit of a slowdown or stumbling block to the rhythm of the poem. It would feel better to me reading it if the rhythm of those lines matched, or if there were more broken parts in other verses, or if it was fully different so it's like a 'bridge' in a song before returning to the rhythm of the other verses.

Aside from that I really like it :)

[Kolsulfr]

Solid criticism, I see what you're saying.