Kismet

[rough draft] just going. why do I have a thing for couplets?

 

I picked up the pen today,

Didn’t want to, but did anyway.

Jotted down some thoughts,

But my stomach twisted in knots.

Words can never express just what I want to say,

So I put them away again, to try another day.

The prose is cracked in spots,

Metaphors not worthy of their slots.

 

My lips twitch in a wry smile,

Come, let’s go away for a while.

I want to show you something dear,

Once you know, all will be clear.

Bramble’s raked into a heaping pile,

Fallen pieces of the summer wile.

This - this is what I fear.

Becoming what we see here.

 

I didn’t want to end up this way.

Solitary and scornful in the play,

Scoffing at contenders taking their shots,

Always winning the games of “have-nots.”

You don’t understand, and pray.

But nothing you do will make this okay.

We’ve all drawn our lots,

Now it’s time for you to connect the dots.

Reviews

[Koleamoku]

sorry I've been off here for months living life, but I agree with Coral - I think I rushed the last stanza - time for another draft.

will be out soon

[Miss Coral]

Absolutely wonderful piece.. I like the overall emotion and message behind it. I would consider changing the last two lines, as they seemed somewhat detached to me, but otherwise, this was excellent. The rhyme scheme was consistent and subtle, and really aided the flow. The word choice was wide and fitting to the piece. The imagery was also well done. Overall.. excellent. :)

Coral

[A. K. MAXIMILIEN]

OMG I luv this one a lot, so philosophical, fantastic, one of the great pieces I've read :) upload more stuff :D

[Vanessa Eric]

Love this, especially the first stanza. Well done!