Lost Girl

To all those who read and enjoyed my story Lost Boy, here's a little sequel for ya :) I hope you enjoy it. Haha I love all of you and have a wonderful day!

The sweet, glossy taste of cherry fills my mouth; coating my lips in a red shine. Lifesavers have become my new addiction in the past few months, the ever constant ring of hard candy providing a calming sensation. Anyone can tell when my nerves get the best of me lately as loud crunches come from my mouth, my subconscious feeling the need to chew the still solid pieces. The kids who sit next to me in class are probably far past annoyed by that.

I thought by now I’d be sick of the sweet taste yet I only feel exposed without it’s presence. I guess I can thank Johnny for that. He’s the one who got me hooked on them in the first place, always saying stuff like, “They’ll help with the craving” or “I promise you, just eat a million of these things and you’ll forget all about the weed.” He was right, of course. I think it’s crazy really, how he could be so spot on about a stupid little candy helping me get over all that dumb Pot. But it was more than the candy, it was him too. I shouldn’t have doubted Johnny, not as much as I did.

Tonight I’ve eaten a million and a half lifesavers, the craving for a bigger, smokey release larger than ever. I escaped from my bedroom window a little while ago, choosing to wander these empty back roads rather than feel trapped inside that suffocating room. Lately that whole house has become a cage to me; my father taking advantage of my sudden drawback from reality to drown himself in the beautiful wonders of alcohol. But he can waste himself away if he likes, I can’t judge.

I tried going back to the old crew after the news about Johnny broke. That little den which once held a majority of my happy memories seeming like a light in this new darkness. I couldn’t handle it though; after an hour I was so overwhelmed with smoke and haunted faces surrounding me, looking far worse than when I had last seen them, a time when I too looked as they did. But accompanying me back to that place were the memories of Johnny. It was where I first met him, the place he saved me from. I couldn’t handle it though so I got out of there quick, the sound of his ghostly laughing voice chasing me away; his words repeating over and over, “You’re so much better than them Marry! Just come and be free with me, leave those losers behind!” And that we did.

I shake my head and shove my hands deep into my jacket’s pockets. I’m no longer ashamed to let stray tears roll down my cheek; instead I think, why stop them? You should be allowed to cry for the loss of someone you love right? I don’t cry much though, I’ve worn myself out with doing that.

Instead I choke back the rest of them and raise my head to look above the earth. Stars are scattered everywhere, shinning throughout the black blanket of the sky; no moon dampening their magical brightness. What beauty, I ponder, what beauty to have seen on you’re last night. Yes, it was starry that night. I remember, the night I saw my Johnny boy for the last time as he screamed to the world in an angry, lost rage. The stars were fantastic as I layed in the cold grass till morning, staring up to them, alone. I wonder if he was looking too, if he was gazing at them the same as me. Perhaps.

I feel my feet stop and my mind drags itself back to reality to see where they have led me. What I see though only brings disappointment. I’ve stopped myself in front of a little worn out building; the paint chipping horribly and the old wooden steps out front falling apart. I could tell you that stepping on the second step is a death wish, I could tell you that you have to jiggle the door handle to make it turn, and I could tell you that you’ve gotta lift before pushing it open. On the inside you’d find a large open space full of empty dust, but in the room on the left, the only one without a door, you’ll find a family. They may not be the most functional, or the most alive, or the most in touch with reality, but together they have been through mountains of hurt and dismay and the worst kind of living.

I used to be apart of that family, as did Johnny.

I hate how my feet led me back to this place, this den of outcasts. It’s the one place Johnny grew to hate more than his real home. Anger fills my head, how dare this place still be standing, still be holding memories. This wretched house shouldn’t be allowed to have memories of Johnny in it; he was too good, too pure for this disgusting torture chamber. My whole body shaking in rage, I reach down and grab a fistfull of gravel, going on to chuck it at the face of the evil in front of me.

Handful after handful patters against the wood, my hand becoming a mess of gravel dust and bloodied nails. I hear myself screaming along with each rock, sobs echoing through my head as I release more handfuls.

But then it’s gone - the anger - dissipated into the night air, and I’m left with empty lungs, just standing and heaving. All I can do is breath; even that drains the life out of me.

“You too huh?” The familiar voice spills out behind me, a boy walks up to stop by my side. Dark circles make his eyes look sunken and black, his cheeks are hollow and his hair a mousy brown. Jay, a long time resident of the shack; here before Johnny or I ever walked up. He was probably takin’ a piss back by a tree when I showed up a few minutes ago, stayed back to watch the show. I can’t tell if he’ll stay out here much longer though, the haze in his eyes is strong. I bet the world looks golden from his view.

“Watchu mean Jay?” My voice sounds defeated and I turn my eyes back to the caving house.

“You’re the same as Johnny. Strong. He got outta here when nobody could. God knows I ain’t ever leavin’ this place.” A pause, I let him think. “But you’s strong too; prolly the strongest outta all of us.”

“Johnny was stronger.” I whisper.

“Na, Johnny was a fool. A damn lost fool. He mighta been gone from this place but his mind was still messed up.” Jay taps on his temple. “Nothin’ was gonna make that boy better. Nothin’. ‘Cept for killin himself. He’s happy now, that’s for sure.”

He’d been happy with me right? He had to be, all that smiling and laughter couldn’t have been fake. And it wasn’t - but I remember that vacant look that sometimes caught him. There must of been a tornado going through his mind every day. And who was he when I wasn’t there? Was he happy when he was alone? No, I don’t suppose so. I may have meant something to him, he may have even loved me, but I was just a filler.

“Do me a favor Marry,” Jay’s voice is suddenly clear of the drugs murkiness and I look over to see his eyes, their depths seeming farther in reality than I previously thought.

“Ya?” I ask.

“Don’t come back here. This place ain’t for you. Never has been and never will be. You got that?”

I take a moment to let his words sink in, gazing at his face to see the honesty that lies within it.

“Okay.” Is all that comes out as a reply. But it’s enough, for me and for him. With a single word I finally feel like I’m in one piece again, like I can live freely without this place weighing me down. And, in a way, saying okay to his request is the same as saying goodbye to Johnny. Saying goodbye to the burden of sadness.

            “Good.” Jay brings a cigarette to his lips, breathing in a heavy cloud of smoke before dropping it to the ground and putting it out with his boot toe. He walks away then - hands deep in pockets like a mind deep in thought - back to the house without a word of goodbye. 

Reviews

[Nikki Richardson]

This is really good. It has that 'Outsiders' feel to it. I love the imagery and even the language. The dialogue you used at the end is powerful and says a lot about the characters.

[Schyala]

Wow this was really amazing! I just love how you phrase things! I will DEFIANTLY be reading more of your work :)