Girl In The Woods : Part One

a definite play off of little red riding hood. I know it's a little long but if you hold on I'm sure it'll be good. .. at least I hope so haha

Riding down an empty road,
dust slowly fills my nose,
the horses hooves creating clouds
that rise in tandem from the ground.
The dark and dreary night
is something that I have begun to encompass,
often retreating to its stillness
when things get rough
back in the tattered building
I hate to call my home.
The rhythmic beats of the stallions feet
are soothing to my tired soul;
Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clank...
A loose shoe, great,
just another thing to fix around this place.
Pulling my ruby red coat tighter against the cold
and leaning to the side,
I slide off the broad leather saddle,
dropping to the old gravel road.
Less pressure will be easier
for the horses havocked shoe,
less pain for his hoof.
Seeing the end of my ride,
I turn around and lead the sire
back down the winding road on foot.
With the now persistent array
of uneven footsteps constantly
berating the back of my mind,
Clip clop clank, clip clop clank,
I try harder to pick up on other sounds.
Far off I can hear the soft hooting
of a Grey Owl, perched upon
a tree, getting ready to descend upon its prey.
Crickets and frogs seep out
from the thick undergrowth lining the stream.
A stream that flows gently
against ancient, smoothed rocks.
Looking up at the sky as warm,
grass smelling breath rolls over my face,
I see a deviant blanket layered
in speckled sheets above my head.
So beautiful it seems,
yet so far away, too far out of reach.
Stars, they make you wish
on useless things.
They pull and pluck at the strings
inside of a person, until eventually,
each and every one of those frail strings snap.
Stars, so beautiful, yet so cruel.
A suddenly harsh jerk on the rope
in my unsuspecting hand
drives me back into reality.
The stallion is rearing up,
snorting frantic clouds of white
into the frigid nights air.
His eyes, wide, tell me things my mundane senses
cannot even begin to imagine.
I glance around the seemingly empty path,
speaking calming words to the ecstatic horse.
My attempts are useless though,
and the frayed rope springs from my hand
with a twist of the sire’s head.
I call after his fading form as he
gallops down the road into darkness;
hanging horseshoe clipping along
in an angry pace, leaving me in the settling dust
to face the hidden dangers enveloping
these unknown woods.

Reviews

[Crowbar]

I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for. Well I like to be 100% honest in my reviews so here are my thoughts.
1. This is labeled as a story but it's set up like a poem. I believe a story has a sentence and paragraph structure. I think I get it though, as in there is a story being told. Just not what I was expecting, but I got over it.
2. When you said "things my mundane scenes can not imagine" did you mean "senses" as in sight, hearing and smell? Because if not, I have no idea what you meant right there!
3. The ending was done well, leaving me to think, "Well, crap! What is she supposed to do without a horse!"

[forevermore1218]

very well done mate :) I liked your imagery and how you made each line end at a certain point. I loved it

[Kait]

I like this a lot, if u read my poems you can see how I like to use my imagery with senses beyond our obnoxiously protruding sensors.

The one thing I didn't understand was "His eyes, wide, tell me things my mundane scenes cannot even begin to imagine."< I think I understand what you wanted to say, is it something like 'His eyes, wide, elude my earthly thoughts to scenes so vastly terrifying?' If i'm completely off I apologize, but I really liked this and just want to have a full understanding of it!

[Beck Louise]

Your imagery is really really good. Well done, nice work :)

[Nikki Richardson]

I liked this. I love your usage of imagery. I think you did a nice job with telling the story, and it is beautifully written with wonderful line breaks and punctual stops.

[Ian H Morrison]

wow love it you pulled me straight in an kept me there it is very dark and sinister but very good and so well written