Waiting

Monsters are very dangerous creatures especially the ones under a childs bed

I can remember when it all started, the laughing from behind and the quick glance out of the corner of my eye. I tried to tell my wife but she thinks I am only pulling a practical joke on her and I dare not bring my daughter into this. I would rather face this evil alone than to scar my daughter for life. Have you ever wondered if there were monsters under your childrens bed, I can honestly say that it is real at least in my house. 

It was June my daughter had just got finished with her fifth birthday, after that birthday she started becoming afraid of her own room. It started with the dark, So we bought her a night light to help out. Then there was the closet, I went into her room one day while she was at a friends house to get some things. There was a chair under the doorknob preventing whatever my daughter thought was in it to stay in. I moved the chair without thinking and left the room. When my daughter got home she went straight to her room, I heard her door open and then some screaming and the sound of the floor boards creaking while she ran. Tears were covering her face when she finally made it down to us.

I remember her asking me who opened her closet door and when I told her that I did she got frustrated, stomped her feet rapidly and told me I had let the monster out. My Wife and I knelt down to her to explain that monsters dont exist, she didn't seem to want to listen. When night came along and my daughter had to go to bed I noticed that she was very coutious. I helped her up and sat by her bed while I read her a bedtime story. When I was almost to the end she asked me to check under the bed. 

I thought nothing of it at the time I gave a slight nod and knelt down to the ground to look under. The smell of flesh filled my sinuouses, the smell was so strong that I could taste the rotting corpse. The dead girl wore a blue dress with a ribbon in her hair, one of my daughters outfits from her closet. The flesh on the girls face was falling apart as she looked up and the box springs. In a single moment of me staring in horror I heard the cracks of the moving carcouses head turning to look at me. 

The eyes, the eyes of the girl gave me one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. Hopelessness and hate consumed them, I jumped up, back to my daughter as my mind went blank. What I had seen disapeared from my mind. I shook my head and smiled at my daughter, telling her nothing was down there relieved her as she started to drift away. I walked back to my room that night feeling like I had forgotten something. 

The next morning seemed like any other day my daughter went to school and my wife and I went to work. Nothing seemed unusal even though now I can remember I had seen the most frightening thing the night before. When night came upon us all and my daughter went to bed I read her another story. That time she didn't bother in me looking under the bed. I walked back to my room and finally fell asleep, I woke up later that night around one in the morning.

I started to walk to the bathroom as I stopped infront of my doorway, I looked down the hall into my daughters room. The creature was slowly easing herself out from under my daughters bed. I froze in fear as I saw the thing start to stand, hearing the bone cracking and crunching I started to feel light headed. At the time I thought it was only a bad dream, but I still haven't woken up from it. 

Once the creature was standing it started to look at my daughter, like it was waiting for a time to strike. I watched it as my daughter started to move in bed like she was about to wake up. The creature crawled back under her bed, as my daughter sat up in bed she looked at me noticing I was awake. She started to jump out of bed while I told her to stop it was to late, the hands of the creature ripped through the darkness from under the bed and grabbed my daughters legs. Her eyes widened as I started to run down the hallway, by the time I was there she disapeared into the darkness. 

I ran to my wife and woke her up saying our daughter was gone, tears pouring down my face. We both ran back into my daughters room, my face fell in shock when I saw my daughter sleeping in her bed. My wife smacked me yelling saying that it wasn't funny. I tried to explain but she just thought it was another cruel joke of mine, I look at my daughter every day not seeing the little girl I saw before. I think the creature switched places with her. The creature is taking over her life, and it walks around my house trying to trick me. 

I sat at the kitchen table with my two girls, my wife got up to get a drink as I procceded to lean towards the creature. "Your not my daughter." I said softly as the creature looked at me I imagines the cracking noise. The creature smiled revealing the rotting teeth that lay underneeth. I stopped in horror as tears ran down my face and came to the relazation that I had lost my little girl. 

Reviews

[SilverSpirit98]

This was amazing! I'm having the chills about this. Very good details. Bravo!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I was reading this with headphones on and listening to some music, apparently the thought of your story being real put enough fear in me because I nearly jumped out of my skin when my husband knelt down beside my chair and scared the living day lights out of me!

I agree with a reviewer below me though with the "this happened and this..." type thing. I like descriptions and narration a lot more than dialogue but some times dialogue can catch you quicker or put a little more fear in a person verses just describing this creature. However, the thought of seeing this little girl under my child's bed would have put the fear in my heart! But if it were me, I also wouldn't have left my child in that room alone. But considering it's horror, we all know that people in those stories/movies do ignorant things, yea?

All in all, I really liked it but I did feel like the ending was rushed. I would have liked to have more details about the creature getting the child, the parents feelings, thoughts and more of what the child was like after so we understand why the man assumed his child was switched with this evil creature. Plus, you ended it way too soon... I was hooked and then, it was over. I was like... wait, what? I WANTED MORE!

So props. :)

[Knoxxeh]

I agree with you and the other reviewer that it is a little bit of this happened and this and also the whole rushing thing I understand I need to make a better version of this that is longer.

But I made this story in the middle of the night and I scared myself while I was writing it so thats why it is rushed haha

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Ha ha, you sound about as bad as me! This is why I don't write horror because I write at night and I'd scared the crap out of myself. It's a really good idea and I honestly think you should take it further or maybe make it up into a screen play. It would make an interesting flick! :)

[Knoxxeh]

That is very nice and I actually have been trying to get one of my friends in college who wants to direct to make a mini video of this horror story

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Oh it would be an awesome film to direct. One of my biggest dreams is to become a film director/producer and even occasionally an actor. :) If I had the equipment and time, I'd ask to do it for you.

[Taylor H.]

I thought it was very good. The first sentence really drew me in which is very hard to do sometimes. I did see a lot of grammar issues though. Run this through a free grammar/spell checker to find your mistakes. Google will find a few good ones. Great job on the story though :)

[Arianna]

it was interesting, i like the story a lot its a really good idea, but its a little, this happened then that happened, i think i would like it a lot more if i didnt know how much better your writing is. because i know how great it usualy is and while this one is really good, and the sory is really neat, and ive never heard it before, its just... lacking the details and relatability your stories usualy have.
either way i liked it, :D

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good tale. I like the set-up of the story. A child fear leading to the child becoming overtook by evil. I like the flow of the story and the very good ending. What do you do with a demon child? Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Knoxxeh]

Thank you very much, I am actually going to be trying to expand this to a bigger story with a bit more meaning

[halflives]

SHE'S THE FREAKING SILENCE CREYS

it was actually very good. i loved the descriptions and the creepiness of it all. i'm going to hope that my six year old sister is not replaced by some creepy little girl in a blue dress.

SDKFHSKDJF well done!

[R. Bartilet]

Really good. I had to stop midway and then continue because, being the scaredy cat that I am, couldn't handle it. I know that sounds stupid because I'm only reading it, instead of watching the story. But nevertheless, reading it was absolutely scarier because of my imagination. Anyways, I'm getting off topic, but you know your story is well written if it scares me. Well done.