Beauty the Beast

There once was a young lady who was quite a ghastly sight and everywhere she went she gave people such a fright. She wanted more than anything to be like everyone else, so off she went in search of some help. Day and night she wandered the towns and came up empty much to her dismay. She was scoffed and scorned no matter what she would say. Then one day when she was at her all time low, she came across a funny looking fellow who was not afraid to say hello. She told him of her sad little tale and how she is in search of someone to help her without any fail. The funny looking fellow had a puzzled look on his face, and soon he began to mutter and pace. "I may be able to help you dear lady, but at a price." said the funny looking man with a smile on his face
"Anything at all, I would make such a sacrifice, because it counts on my life." said the lady desperately.
        With that he made her a remedy that was supposed to make her a feminine beauty. So she took it gladly and drank it all up, and she pulled out her mirror and looked at her reflection sadly. "I thought you said that you could be of some help, now it did nothing so you get nothing in return." she said madly. The funny looking fellow went away but forgot to mention what she sacrificed.
      The lady walked on feeling no gain, she soon entered town feeling a little ashamed. Waiting to be mocked and spat on, she walked with her head down waiting to hear them sound. But to her surprise she heard many people walk by say hi, and heard no babies around her start to cry which made her begin to wonder why. She pulled out her mirror and was shocked at the sight, she no longer was such a ghastly sight. She in later day found love; to her this was something she never imagined  she would ever speak of. She soon married and was happy at that, and soon the funny looking fellow was back.
"I see you got what you wished for, for now you're not an eye sore like before, but remember your promise that you'd pay the price and how you shooed me away without my pay? So because of that your beauty will shine true by day and by night fall your beauty will melt away." With that said the funny looking fellow skipped away, leaving the young lady to ponder away. She sat there foe hours at a loss of what to say, she knew the burden of her price she had to pay.
      That night just like he had said, her beauty then vanished to her dread. She wanted to hide and never be found, so she did just that not making a sound. But her husband soon became worried and went in search with his hounds and they ended up finding her lying on the cold ground. He picked her up and carried her home and made sure she wasn't left alone.
      When she woke up from her slumber, she started to cry for she was ashamed; what a sight, she knew she would give her husband a fright. But her husband looked her straight in the eyes and told her he loved her and saw beauty no matter it day or night for her beauty was found on the inside. She knew he meant it, he was telling no lies. She knew she had overcome her sacrifice!

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Kim, what I thought of as I read this was, "Wow. This could make a really great children's story ... perhaps even a picture book." It's a little long for a picture book and as a component of a short-story collection it would need some tweaking, here and there, but it could really become and excellent piece. Perhaps you would be up for some editorial tweaking? If so, then you would need to decide if it's going to be a story, a poem, or a children's picture book. In any case, I enjoyed it a great deal. Thank you for sharing! :)

[Michael G.]

It is a good tale. Well done.

[patricia]

What a great story told in a folk sort of way, and the rhyming worked realy well, a lovely moral twist to the end of it. I loved it. Brilliant.

[R.O.M.E.T.S.I.]

A touching story. I think you could make it longer and delve further into each characters personality, make them easier to relate to. But good all the same

[K-mo]

Would love your honest opinions on if this is good or not! Thanks!!!