Lose Sight of You

I want to feel that feeling more than you ever know
but the harder I try the quicker I crash and fall and
you are way a head and don't notice I am gone at all

Why is it that when you want something so bad
you end up missing out on what you already have?
This is something that leaves me feeling sad

Why  is it that it's easier to focus on the hard times?
And when happiness comes along it is quickly caught
in all the bitter times and your left in all the grime

I can't take it this time, I am going to make the climb
and if you are smart you will come too because I know
you are feeling it too, and i don't want to lose sight of you

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

There is such an honest and sincere tone to this. It doesn't hurt that the questions have a broad context, common to many (all?) people. Stylistically, it's written in a rather unusual manner; not bad, just different. There are a few grammar issues but easily fixed. It has good pacing. There is a strange rhyming pattern in the tritrains though; the center two have an a-b-a end-rhyme pattern while the first and last have no end rhyme at all. Curious. It has a hopeful, optimistic ending through and I think, in the end, that is what saves it. It's good but I think you have it in you to make it better or perhaps do another (or several more), same message (or similar), but differently form, style, rhyming structures. Give it some thought and see what you can come up with. Good job! :)

[Tai Ryens]

Such persistence exists often in the couple whom don't work out, but are together anyways. Well done!

[K-mo]

Thanks Tai! I miss your positive reviews!!!