Yours

A pair of letters

This city’s saving grace lies in the silent deaths of the cyclic living. It is as plain and recurring as the ocean tides that edge this misty settlement. Each person operating on their behalf in search of saferwaters. Yet none gain as the efforts are isolated in fickle directions. They could never bear resolution due to their muddled nature; but nobody knows. Not a soul realizes the ancient grip that drives the town like a disorderly sea that can’t summon a single set of comforting tides. The present result is an aggressive blend of unsatisfied hearts that all proclaim to pursue that same goal; ‘happiness’. Though I see what is happening, I don’t pursue such pursued saferwaters. Moving away from this means moving away from the rampant change that belies potential as surely as it creates it. I’m crawling back to sea to relish in the dissonance, and to keep the body of potential alive. I’m still learning what chaos kills, I can’t leave now. It is during my extended stay that I met you after all. Nobody cares like you do, and I’m not sure how that doesn’t dilute you with disappointment. Though I enjoy the show, I’m inclined to press that you retreat to saferwaters; however, I know what you’d say to this. “Once more, protect my blinded sight” you’d say, with that mocking glint. Maybe if I heard you say this I would truly understand that there is no leaving this town, for the mentality of this misty city far extends past our view of the surrounding, tumultuous water. Maybe if I heard you say this, I would abandon my blended hope for us, and settle in my own well of disappointment.

Well, I won’t pretend to lie, so I won’t pretend I want you to leave. No, I am asking you to crawl back to that sea, with me. Imagine what would become of such shared folly. It would nearly make the madness of it all orthodox. Why we’d abandon time, and see past the fog that so many deem permissible. Yet do not mistake my proposal for one of acceptance. I am not interested in the tolerant nature that is labeled love. Where ‘You accept me, and I’ll accept you’ satisfies. I can not claim less is more, even for you, the justification simply doesn’t have enough charm. To substitute that logic, I would rather live under the notion of ‘You support my purpose, and I’ll support yours’. There is no tolerance here. No supplement in each other’s identity. Don’t mind those heartless eyes as no one else will understand. Don’t mind as that world is calling. If you can’t see what I have presented, whether it be due to your blinded sight, or the press of crooked social law, I just ask that you do not mock the place where I exist and live.

Yours Truly,

Your Deceptive Idealist

Hold onto the thread; the currents will shift true to my fickle nature, and I won’t be there. It is of no slight to you, though it may seem so as words do not grace me like they do you. Your offer is generously selfish, but I am not able to reside here. I am not diluted by disappointment, but rather by the change here. I draw comfort from my volatile nature as you know. I enjoy the juxtaposition, but I can’t draw such satisfaction here as I become part of the solution here. Like dissolves like. Your efforts to quell such eccentricities may or may not be in vain; however, know that you don’t have to stray the oceans away. Your struggle is not one of necessity; how could it be? Doomed to drown in these tumultuous waters is senseless; just breathe, if not for you, for me. It is likely that you believe, or should I say, you know something’s left here. See, I have no such remnants. To stay here would suffocate me, I must surface elsewhere. Still, I must selfishly ask of you to please stand by the shore. Trust that I will follow something that will guide me towards you once again. This statement of time is an unpredictable sort of stability I realize, but it is all I can offer without deceit. Though I know lies do the opposite of trouble you, they do not bide with my ambivalent nature.

Understand the truth that saturates my words when I say that I will be there once more. As you thrive in this city that is a concoction of stagnant people and mobile tides, I will dream of the next time that these waves roll my thoughts. Understand that even though I am numb to the rhythmic tides of life, I trust that they will return me here. Understand that this not a retreat per your request to find solace, but simply an act true to my nature. Just as these waters tempt you with their dissonant rush, I also tread such towards such frenetic haven. Our difference lies in that I find no comfort in consistent times. Hold tight the ring though, for when I return I will look for it before immersing in these oceans once more. Let me state that the next time we touch, I’ll be on a different wave. I can’t establish my tides; you know, but I’m asking you again to trust them as I do. For it is all the reason I can provide as the seas will rise. Never will I resent or mock these waves that rise, simply because you fancy them. Perhaps now you understand where I stand; nowhere.

Yours Always,

Your Ambivalent Inconsistency

Author's Note

The bolded/italicized phrases are direct quotes from songs.