My life In A Piece Of Paper

Sad story with a happy ending.

~When I was 5~

 

"I’m going to get groceries," mom said. “Take me with you, mommy!" I begged. "No you stay with dad and your brothers.” And just like that she was gone, not knowing the misery I have to go through... dad looked through the window until he couldn’t see mom’s car, then he told my three brothers, "Boys, go play outside"... like always my brothers hurried out. I was left alone with dad in the living room.  I knew what was about to happened next and I was terrified. Dad pulled me into his room. He took my clothes off. I tried kicking him off but it all lead to a slap across the face. Like always, I finally gave in to him and the inevitable happened, he raped me. After he was done, I would go crying to the restroom, I thought it was natural for a dad to do that to a daughter, so I didn’t tell anyone. As the years passed I grew afraid of dad, thinking the only way I would be free is when I turned 18.

 

~When I was 12~

 

Mom and dad hadn’t been getting along for a while; I believed mom was cheating on him since I found some love letters from a guy named Jose. One morning I woke up and mom wasn’t home, dad said she went on a little vacation, but I knew she left us. I found a note that said she wanted to start over. Because of that note, things would get worse with dad. Without mom here dad would sleep in my bed, rape me over and over until I bled. I replaced mom. I would do everything mom did, from cleaning everything and taking care of my little sister to being his loving wife. This went on for months until one day there was a knock on the door. Mom was home. We all went and hugged her and were so happy to see her, all except dad. He took her to his room and they both started yelling. It went on for a while. I thought mom returned because she missed us and because she loved us. But I later learned that she came back because she ran out of money and her lover got tired of her. I was mad at mom that she didn’t really care, but I was glad she came to take over her duties as the wife.

 

~When I was fourteen~

 

I hate getting dad angry, my brothers did too, and he would always use his belt or a hanger and beat us. My brother got detention one time and dad went crazy, he took him to his room and you could hear him beating my brother as he screamed and cried “No daddy, please!” I broke in tears and hid, just in case he got tired of him and still wanted more. We were scared to do anything wrong, even something as little as spilling milk. I learned that the hard way, dad used a hanger on me and I had bruises all over my body. It was painful trying to sit, but showing any sort of weakness will only lead to him beating us more.

I always smiled pretending that my family was the best. I now had 2 little sisters... I was smart and always got good grades. I made excuses that I had tutoring after school just to not go home and see dad. I was so miserable I started smoking, drinking, and cutting myself. No one knew about my dad until I told a friend. She got me away from dad. She told the schools social worker and the social worker told child’s help. I was stuck in child’s help for hours. They made me talk about my dad and everything he did to me. They told mom and my brothers. My sisters were too young to understand. When we all left the building mom asked if we wanted to eat mc Donald’s... she just pretended nothing happened. She never gave me a hug, told me she loved me or that from now on she'll protect me. We got home and ate, mom then said "Crystal I need to talk to you," we went to my room and started talking "what…?" she asked. "Is it really true what they told me? Did your dad really rape you? Be honest." she asked. "Yes mom, it’s true." then her mom said "you shouldn’t be making stuff like that up." after that she left the room and I started crying. My own mother didn’t believe me.

            I was in class when my school social worker came up and told me dad pleaded guilty, so I didn’t have to testify in court, he got 27 years in prison. It was the best news I heard, was it finally over? Am I free now? We can be a happy family again. But I was wrong; we would never be the same.

            Dad was the bread winner; he would even work over time to pay the bills. Mom didn’t have a visa; she was here illegally and couldn’t work. The only thing she could do is sell at the swap meet. She would buy auction storages and sell what was inside, some storages had really good stuff, others didn’t. Mom could only sell on Saturday, Sundays, and Wednesday. All the other days she would clean out the storages she bought, she would barely be home. We had food stamps but she wouldn’t have time to grocery shop so we mostly had boxes of cereal and hot pockets. I’d get so sick of them I would not eat for a day or two. Mom didn’t really care about us, I tried to do anything to make her care. I drank beer hoping she would tell me to stop, at least that would show some sort of care, but she then just ended up being the one to buy it for me. I smoked cigarettes and weed, she didn’t care. I cut myself and all she ask was why I did it and when I didn’t respond she never asked me again. I was in road to destruction, failing high school even though I am a very smart girl. I had sex with whoever I could and starting seeking attention. I just wanted someone to love me, to care for me. Mom just called me useless and worth less, I believe she resented me for putting dad in prison.

 

~17 years old~

 

I met a wonderful guy; he was going to take me away from the hell hole I lived in. But mom wanted to go live in Mexico and since I was still a minor I had to go with her. I decided to get pregnant; I knew mom wouldn’t want to have to take care of me and my baby. Mom said I couldn’t stay unless I was married though. I got married June 30^th and the following day mom left to Mexico and my husband and I moved to Utah. Now we have a wonderful daughter named Sapphire Raine Bullen. I know getting pregnant wasn’t the best idea, but I don’t regret it. I am a great mother and wife, I couldn’t have chosen a better man to spend the rest of my life with.