14 Tissues

I have negligently told my friends about the boys I liked-- resulting in embarrassment, regret, and fear.

14.

Today, my life has officially ended. After Mom left the car, I sat silently in the passenger seat. I felt the sour feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach, but nothing will fix the horrible event that took place about an hour ago. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel, but suddenly, I felt a tear escape my eye... then another from my other eye... then another.... I had been fumbling with a small bag of Kleenex-- opening then closing it again and again-- I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my brand new Volcom jacket, but after placing the bag down, I realized-- I could use that. I wiped my cheek and blew my nose.

13.

The event played back in my mind from earlier that day. I wish my friends didn't tell him. I can't believe they did. I'm never trusting my friends ever again, not after what happened. You can tell I’m out of sorts by the way I keep writing things in short sentences like this… The car began to heat up, but I didn't care. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and blew my nose.

12.

"Oh my gosh, she likes you!!!" "She's in love with you!!" "You two should totally go out" They shouted in his face. In a normal situation where I wouldn't have liked him, I would've simply stood there and given them weird looks as if to say, “What are you talking about?” But instead, I had to attack them with screams of "NO I DON'T!!!" I wiped the place between my nose and upper lip a few times and then blew my nose.

11.

He thinks I'm a nut-job now. I looked up at him after my friends went off in hysterics and girlish laughter, hoping to convince him that I didn't like him as they claimed, even though in reality, I did. He had explained to me afterwards what he would’ve done if anyone ever did ask him out. He's smart, religious, and has no attraction to any girl what-so-ever; so anyway, I would've had no chance with him... I wiped more tears from my eyes.

10.

By now, I was sobbing out loud. I continued to pull more tissues out to wipe away my tears, but nothing could contain the incredible regret I was feeling. Then, I realized: was this a sign? Was God trying to make sure I had no "Boyfriends" or "Friend-boys" as I like to call it? He's knocked away one boy-- but what else does he have up his sleeve for the other boy-- the one I actually told I liked? Maybe he's helping my friends push away the boys so that I have no actually boyfriends until I'm sixteen; I’m really not supposed to go out with any boys until that age due to religious reasons. My friends have already slightly pushed away the one I told I liked, as he kind of has been trying to avoid me as it seems. I wiped more tears from my eyes and blew my nose.

9.

By this point, I was letting out louder cries of sadness. This is about as loud as I was going to get for now. Regret pushed itself even further into my stomach. I remember my mom telling me not to tell all my friends about the boys I liked; but, alas, it was AFTER I had already told most of my friends! I wish things would be at least a little bit easier. But, no, God can't do that-- it's really for my own good. What good is not being able to just tell someone I like them? I thought it was so simple; it isn't. I wiped more sweat off my face.

8.

The car was heating up even more, but I didn't want to get out. As I cried a bit louder, it was as if I half-expected someone-- anyone who could help me-- to notice my sadness and at least make me feel better. But no one was around; I was alone in this microwave-like Corolla... alone.... I blew my nose once again.

7.

I am starting to think boys are a*s-holes-- hateful creatures that are not to be played around with like energetic dogs. No, the ones I like aren't really of that manner, but, like Mom said: They haven't yet developed as far as girls have. It'll take these guys about two years to have attractions to girls. Some boys have already been going out with girls, but most haven't. If only I didn't have friends that would ruin EVERYTHING for me; they don't understand what they have just done. Right now, at my age, "Love" is "The kiss of death" as my Mom said. Telling them your feelings at this age basically pushes them off-- if only I had known that earlier.... I wiped more tears and sweat from my face.

6.

Now, the bag of tissues was half full. I could feel the empty space left from all the tissues I had pulled out and used. I realized: Hey, I could make a story about this. I gently squished the remaining tissues between my fingers. Looking on the side, I counted them, then, I counted the soggy, crumpled-up ones I had been dropping in the cup holder-- 14. Looking down at the bag, I pulled another out, spat my gum in it and then blew my nose.

5.

I stared solemnly out the windshield. Blurs of red, blue, black, silver and white were seen from passing cars. It was quiet. The car was getting warmer-- but, again, I didn't care. I didn't know when I was getting out, but I wasn't now. I even considered doing my homework in the car. I looked down at the black backpack that lay almost on top of my left shin, but still couldn't get my mind off the whole "boy" thing. I blew my nose again.

4.

I was running out of tissues, but I had nothing to do with them. My eyes were dry and puffy, my nose was no longer congested from crying, and I was comfortable in the heating car. Ah hell-- I pulled one more tissue out and ran it over my face to wipe away excess sweat. Now, it was as if I was going in slow motion, as regret, fear and anger clouded my vision to the point where I could hardly see straight. I stared off mindlessly in the distance with my eyes fixed out the windshield. Now that I was mostly calmed down, I reached over, tugged on the door handle and lifted myself out of the car.

 

I was told not to tell everyone about those I liked-- even my friends. But, it was a little too late, for I had already told practically every living creature I thought I could trust about the boys and had already told one that I liked him. I made a terrible mistake, but crying about it wasn't going to send me back in time so that I could fix the mess I had created.

It's not a good idea to go to the boys. If you like them, don't obsess, and God forbid, don't tell all your friends about it; if the boy liked you, he'd probably tell you-- if he's smart and isn't afraid, which is very uncommon. I'm not telling you to dump all your friends; most girls just have a natural impulse when their friend has a crush and they know it. They will get all razzled up about their friend liking someone and will ultimately try to push the boy towards their friend-- when really, they’re just pushing him away. Their obnoxious behavior sends the boys packing, and the boys will suddenly try to avoid you in most circumstances.

"They're jokesters", is all I can say. I didn't know that before; therefore, I am regretful and scared of all this. I'm not telling you how to live your life by any means; all I'm saying is: girls, be careful. Trust me.

3-1.

Oh yeah, about those last tissues: well, I had to go to the bathroom sooo... ;)

Author's Note

I'm just kidding; the last three tissues are in my backpack lol