The Truth About Me

This is a story about me. I wanted to write this to let people I know personally about my past bullying.

A lot of people don’t know this, but I was bullied since I was able to speak. I have a speech impediment which made it difficult as a child to pronounce a large percent of the alphabet. To this day, I still have issues with my R's and L's. Most words wouldn’t come out like how they should. I remember experiences as a young child crying because of how rude other children were. Adults were just as harsh to me. The older I got, the more my speech improved, but it’s never been flawless. Every time I speak, I try my damnedest to say each letter perfect. Sometimes I forget about my little problem and those letters come out like gibberish. I watch actors on t.v. and just wish I can speak so easily as they can.

I remember in 4th grade, everyone had to get up in front of the class and say things about themselves. I kept my head down the whole time I sat on the stool in front of my peers. The kids in my grade laughed at me as tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn't say much because of how embarrassed I was. I returned to my seat soon after and turned away from everyone still crying.

 I went to speech therapy until the end of my 6^th grade year, I never wanted to stop going because of how much I felt welcome in her small classroom. I felt so natural in that room. I had the most enjoyment come out of elementary school from my speech teacher. She was the sweetest teacher I had in elementary, most likely through my whole school career. 

The older I got, I felt more confident about my speech. In 7th grade, I was still being teased. This time around was about how thin I was. Even high schoolers would ask me why I was so thin and joke they could break me in half. More than once in my life I’ve cried myself to sleep over the things that have been said to me. How ugly I was, how I looked or was anorexic, how I sounded like a ‘retard’, or how I was an idiot, and much, much harsher words. 

Multiple people stopped being my friend in 7th grade over a rumor spread by a girl who had claimed to be my best friend. Not only had I lost my closest friends, I had lost all of my friends. They said the worst things about me that I've ever heard to my face. 7th grade girls can be such horrible people. That year was tough for me. It was the first time I run into depression. At such a young age it worried my parents. I didn't take medicine for it at the time, but I had fought damn hard to keep myself going. 

 High School has been the only time in my life I’ve never been made fun of, well to my face at least. Now about to start my senior year, I have a lot to look forward to. The president of my school's Art Club, Vice President of Spectra, a member of NHS, FCA, Science Club, and what will be Debate Club. I'll be the lead in our play Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and most likely sing a solo in our spring concert for choir. In October, I be doing classes to prepare for acting and modeling as well. Last December, I started to date this great guy and we are crazy for each other. 

Even with all of these amazing things, my depression came back. I've never felt so down about myself since I was being bullied. Now I'm old enough to take small doses of medication without serious side effects. I take a tiny pill every night that is expected to help me be happy. If only it felt that easy. Even with these pills, I still feel so sad. No one who has never had depression would never understand the feeling of extreme sadness.

People now a days ask me, “why are you so quiet?”. Want to know the honest reason? It’s because I learned not to talk. If I did, I was made fun of. I tried to fit in, and when I did, I got laughed out of the confidence I felt. I grew this bubble around me to shelter me from the hateful words. 

Many of you probably never realized that I hated attention in anyway. That was until I grew into my body, became what I think is pretty, my speech problems slightly faded, and my awkward stage fell away from me like I always had hoped for. People have finally stopped being jerks. Well, not all people have because some are natural a******s. I’m just hoping this next school year I’ll stop being afraid to say something. I hope I can face my fears of laughter and joke I do with my friends. Believe or not, my friends find me hilarious and it’s one of my best assets.

I want to be the girl I had always wanted to show off to the bullies in school. I want to be a role model, funny, sexy, and brilliant. Guess I'll to try my best to shake off the pressure of others and become comfortable in my own skin.

Reviews

[terry smith]

I had speech problems as a child also, was dorky and awkward. A little pill won't help, you need to find what about you it is that causes you doubt. confidence is the key and once you have that and are happy with yourself everything else will fade away.please feel free to write me and I will try to help you. I know what you are going through and would like to help.

[Taylor]

Thank you for sharing your journey. Indeed it is very sad to think of a young child being bullied and that in adulthood, you naturally feel timid about speaking and revealing yourself now. I am sure that as time goes on, your confidence will build and you will become more comfortable interacting with people. You certainly express yourself well and I am sure that others will be interested in what you have to say. I enjoyed this piece of writing. I would encourage you to look at it as an outline and try to flesh it out with scenes taken from your childhood and teen years to illustrate what you summarize. That would make it come off the page and take on life.