Chapter 2: Gonzalo Household

After the incident, Cesar spends his weekend inside his house.

Fooling yourself 101

Chapter 2: The Gonzalo Household

“Oh my God! Bring him upstairs,” A familiar voice of a woman said in a shrill voice as if an accident happened.

“...left then… I’ll bring water…”

“He hasn't gotten into fights ever since he was a kid…”

“...expected… come here,”

“...the trouble,”

“...want… we won’t,”

All of a sudden, my broken body was under thick blankets. Beside the bed was a tub with towels soaking in hot water. Reaching into my forehead, there was a cold pack of ice. The ceiling looks familiar. Where am I? What happened? Oh, right! I lost a fight… that was hardly a fight. Looks like I was miraculously brought here to my house. Maybe, I actually made it with all of my strength after all. Thankfully, it’s Friday. “Thank”... No, it wasn’t me who brought myself. There was someone who brought me here. Thanking them for saving my life is a priority on Monday.

⁂

It’s been a day since Friday and my body healed a lot faster than expected. Mom and Dad talked to me normally saying that it wasn’t my fault. Dad also asked whether to report this incident to the school or not. Normal families would do it without giving it a second thought but mine doesn’t.

 From an early age, my sister, brother and I were taught to take matters into our own hands. To us, this was normal and it is what our parents did to their kids for us to become independent and mature from an early age.

This raising that our parents did made us, me especially, violent back when we were younger. It made me get used to getting hurt and hurting others. What I did was what I thought was right and before I knew it, my reputation precedes me. It was almost everyday that mad parents banged on our door, showing their child full of bruises on their body and their face swelling. I was severely punished by my parents.

As a child, I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. Was it wrong to live by the teachings of my parents? My rebellion phase started at this point in my life, at an early age of 4. My parents weren’t worried at all and to me, my reaction to their punishment was a very funny and interesting memory from my childhood which is rare. 

When I left the house I packed 2 of my underwear and 2 pairs of clothing. Blinded by rage, I didn’t know where to go so I went straight to the playground where I used to beat kids. Fortunately, it was noon so there were less kids since it was a school day. It took minutes for me to find a place to lay down. The place I found was the small shade under the slide. Mold and mud filled the tight area where I placed my stuff. There were lingering scents of piss and dog s**t. I could barely fit myself without my elbows and knees touching the walls of mud, mold and moss around  me. To me, this place was better than home at that time. 

It was nighttime when I realized that I forgot to bring food. So I went to my house and there was a tupperware outside the fence with caldereta and rice with a note on top saying, come home, please, in dad’s handwriting. My pride kept me from going home and continued to walk back in my small and disgusting spot under the slide. When I sat down and opened the Tupperware, cats approached me and meowed. They probably smelled the food and were pretty hungry. They started to claw me but I evaded all of their dirty little paws and claws and won’t let them touch a single piece of my food.

It was this time when I realized that hunger can make a person feel sensitive and vulnerable�" it can make someone open up. Sadness filled as I reminisced how happy I was eating warm food with mom and dad under a roof instead of fighting for my life and food. Tears almost started to form in my eyes and my spirit started to break until a kid pointed a flashlight at me and threw rocks at the cats. Shocked, the reason why tears were present in my eyes completely disappeared. The kid turned out to be a girl since her silhouette looks like she’s wearing a skirt. Because of her I was able to eat the delicious caldereta. Eating was a problem but sleeping is worse. I laid down on two of my clothes to make a little bed only to find out that under the slide, cockroaches were sleeping too.

It was noon when I woke up so assumingly, it was past midnight when I slept. Same as yesterday, no kids were present at the playground and the kid�" who was me�" was filled with boredom and decided to walk around our village. In one of the streets, there was a huge house which was particularly newly built. It looked like a mansion. There were three big dogs inside and 3 maids exercising in the big garage on the other side of the tall mechanical gate. There also were 2 parked luxury cars which were being washed by a man who was ogling the maids. 

The man saw me and asked if I was alright. Turns out, he was a good person since at that time, he gave me snacks, change of clothes and gave me a bath using the hose which he uses for the cars. He said that the house owners�" their bosses�" were out of town and that I reminded him of the daughter of his boss who is the same age as me. He told me a ton of stories about his days and he was very talkative until the maids pinched and grabbed him by the ear. One of the maids told me that he has some work to do and that I shouldn’t always listen to his captivating stories. The other maid told me that he “has a great tongue” and the other-other maid grabbed and pinched her ear too. The other-other maid apologized and told me that I could always come back to talk but only if they were free. I never came back�" I think.

Somehow, after listening to a ton of stories by a stranger, my rage and anger was lifted. Maybe it was my fault that I got punished. Mom and dad never meant their child to do harm and I did the opposite. I misunderstood their teachings. 

With a clear mind, I rushed back to the playground with tears flooding my eyes, packed my stuff and said farewell to the bugs and cats who, for some reason, became a factor of my return.

When I reached my street, my parents were already there standing by the small fence of our garden. It was like they knew that I would return that exact day and time. Parents are truly amazing. I let go of my dirty stuff and bolted straight to my parents with tears flooding my eyes. My parents crouched down and received me with open arms. 

“I’m sorry,” we all said in unison while embracing each other tightly.

The warmth of their embrace made me feel safe and understand that they are my parents and they wouldn’t leave me, ever. Up to this day, the warmth still remains in my heart. They say the mind forgets but the heart remembers.

⁂

Dad poked me with his index finger, “So? Will we report this incident?” 

“Getting punched in the gut 6 times is a big deal. Just this once, let’s report it to the authorities in school.” Mom loudened her voice calmly as she answered while crashing plates and pans were heard in the kitchen.

“No, please. I’ve got this,” I said calmly with a reassuring wave.

“Are you sure Cesar? That was intense physical abuse!” Mom said calmly but loudly. Plates and pans crashed louder. Dad looked at me and shrugged, “I won’t forgive this person who did this to my child,”

“You know your mother, she just cares about you very much,” dad leaned towards me and whispered.

“I got this. We should deal with our problems right? What difference does this make from the past problems I’ve handled? I got this. Don’t you worry, I already have a plan,” I said respectfully to calm my mother. 

Actually, I don't have a plan but it is really better than your parents coming to school and rant to the principal about everything. What’s worse here is the long term effects; I wouldn’t mind walking to school with my mother beside me. I would eventually be a symbol of bullying. People would view me as a person who was bullied and Rodney as the one who bullies�" he only did that to me because he just followed the rules of his organization. I’d like to settle this by making every party satisfied. But that’s for later.

The sound of running water from the kitchen suddenly stopped. Dad furrowed his eyebrows and stopped gripping the remote of the television. All of a sudden, mom came out of the kitchen, with messy hair, wet clothes and a psychotic look while holding a knife. Dad and I stood up quickly from the couch and hid behind it. 

“Don’t you worry son! I’ll deal with your problem! I won’t let anybody hurt my child!” She shouted psychotically as she slowly paced going out the door, “I’ll handle this by myself!”

Dad vaulted onto the couch and I took this opportunity to peek. He grabbed mom’s wrist tightly and smacked the top of the knife, disarming her. Grabbed her right hand from behind where she was holding the knife and raised it quickly to surprise her. The knife dropped and Dad held mom’s waist, twisting her gently but precisely to face him. Dad lunged forward causing mom to lose balance and instinctively hold onto him behind his shoulder. He leaned his face closer to her face slowly. Mom’s eyes grew big, lips slightly parted and blushed for what dad did. He looked at her in the eyes and slowly leaned in and pressed their lips against each other. 

The scenery looked… strange and bizarre. It looked as if they danced tango. My parents were bizarre and this was really normal in this family but me watching this feels off.

After a few minutes, dad and mom sat down with me in the living room to talk about the incident. Dad still teases mom and mom blushes telling him to stop even though she likes being teased. This all happened because of what happened earlier�" I can’t bear to watch my parents not act like parents but like children. They’re cute but should they act like this in front of their child?

“So,” dad cleared his throat, “how are we going to handle this incident? Any suggestions dear?” Dad leaned closer to mom, held her by the chin and looked at her in the eye.

“Oh! Please stop! Not in front of Cesar!” she begged as she pretended to stop him. 

This is just weird. I should end this conversation as soon as possible.

“Well, since you two can’t help but get lovey-dovey, I’ll just handle this incident,” I proclaimed confidently and stood up, walking to my room.

“Wait,” dad said stopping me from walking, “please, don’t resort to violence anything but that,” 

I nodded and headed straight to my room.

⁂

This room has always been where I could be myself. My own paradise where no one would usually interrupt me with my tasks. My current task is to make a plan on how I should do things when classes start. I could go into simulating events that could happen on Monday and that’s the best choice. 

First scenario. I enter the gates of my school successfully and see AFC (Amber fan club) members immediately and they escort me to my room making sure there is no contact between me and Amber. Not a bad situation to be in�" it could be worse. I ask the members to lead me to Rodney. Something tells me that they will most likely do it. If they do, I will plead allegiance and join the AFC to neutralize my silenced status and see Amber again. I could join by trading in some stories of their goddess from our childhood. Gossips like that should be very juicy to them. 

Scenario 2. They don’t let me in at school and beat me badly or they let me in at school and beat me badly because they know that I won’t cooperate at being silenced. Worst scenario. Worst for me and worst for them too because I won’t have second thoughts and let the principal know.

Scenario 3 or 2-b. Amber and I coincidentally enter school and the AFC members won’t jump me since they don’t want their goddess to see her followers being violent and evil. A pretty fantastical scenario. 

There are a lot more but my brain is at its limits. Come to think of it, it all happened because of that project before Christmas. Wait, I just realized I forgot to ask Amber about being partners in that task. How dumb of me! I wish it was Monday already!

In desperation, my body succumbed to my bed in the afternoon and woke up to the smell of fried rice the next day. My stomach was empty and was grumbling loudly since I skipped dinner.  But when I came downstairs, my brother and sister were already fighting over who gets the bacon and had already eaten all of the fried rice that I strongly yearned for. As the oldest child in the family, it is my responsibility to control my siblings and so I did by eating the three slices of bacon that they were fighting for. They were left speechless, looked at each other and looked at me and left the table with a face of discontent.

Now that I realize it, I don’t have anything to do today. My homeworks has been answered already and playing video games is not really my style. The sun blazes greatly above so exercising outside isn’t preferred until afternoon. They say that boredom brings forth ideas but the only thing it has brought me is more boredom. Talking to my siblings right now isn’t a good idea. Maybe I should just do chores but everything has been dealt with. 

An idea sprouted into my mind as I walked around the living room repeatedly. If I remember correctly, there are huge photo albums with tons of pictures in it�" if I could find it, that is. Last time I remember opening it was a decade ago when I showed it to Michael. Sigh. Michael.

Dad left his handkerchief again. Mom is chopping vegetables for lunch. Jasper’s trash talking from his room is heard as usual and Ruby’s outside, sitting on the bench dad made while laughing at her phone again.  As usual, everyone’s got their own worlds. There’s a higher chance that no one will notice whatever shenanigans I’ll do to satisfy my boredom. And so, the adventure of Cesar the explorer begins.

The stairs creaked as I tip-toed going upstairs. Why am I tip-toeing? It’ll be more suspicious if I did it. In front of me is a hallway with rooms in the side, a door for the balcony at the end and a thin rope hanging at the ceiling for the entrance of the attic. I could go to the master’s bedroom where my parents sleep but that’s for later. Ruby’s room is full of teddy bears and girly stuff which I am curious about but it doesn’t interest me that much. 

Jasper’s room can be described in one word. Junkyard. Piles of dirty clothes, food wrappers and containers since he sometimes eats there and multiple cats are residents of his room. No wonder he hasn’t brought home girls but who am I to judge anyway. There is one spot that he always keeps tidy and neat�" his gaming area. 

The PC is well built and is cleaned every 2 hours. His consoles and it’s controllers are placed in a special case which is airtight to “preserve its spirit” Jasper said once. Not a speck of dust is seen in his gaming area�" a corner of his room, his altar and paradise. 

But still, his room is a no-go and it would look like I am invading his privacy which would cause a ruckus which I don’t want. The balcony is probably the safest option�" and also the most boring. The only choices I have are the attic and parent’s room. Hmm… yeah, I’ll take the attic. I might see something disturbing in the room.

I slowly but strongly tugged on the dangling rope on the door of the attic. The door opened with a long but barely silent creak which revealed a dusty ladder I could climb. Inside the attic was pure darkness and heat so I went down and brought a flashlight with me that I found downstairs. On my way back, Jasper was looking at the attic. 

“I heard creaking so I checked,” he said to me calmly while wearing his headphones on his neck, looking at the flashlight on my hand.

“I thought you were playing. It’s rare for you to check your surroundings when you play,” I said calmly, trying to make the situation look casual.

“Well, the creak was outside my door so it’s normal for me to check.” Jasper said as he put on his headphones back, “I won’t snitch and won’t mind what you’re doing.”

Jasper went back into his room and shut the door. Thankfully, she won’t tell mom; he never broke a promise before. Mom prohibited us from entering the attic since last year for some reason so it is what’s gotten me interested. She’s hiding something.

Like an explorer in a dark cave, I shone the flashlight from left to right revealing a lot of dusty and rugged boxes which had labels. Christmas, College, Wedding, Cooking, Stargazing and a lot more but the biggest one was the box on the dead center of the attic. It was as big as our dining table. The box was turned sideways from the entrance and it’s label was blocked by other boxes so I’ve got to go near it to see what’s inside. 

Albums! The photo albums!

It is parching and suffocating in here so I’ll take some and bring it to my room. Dad took photography as a hobby, even now he spends his free time taking pictures of the Gonzalo household. In the box were dozens or maybe even a hundred of albums. With the flashlight, some photo albums with titles can be seen. First day of school, Swimming at the mountains, Children, Churches… and even Jasper and Ruby’s got theirs. Do I have mine? Here it is! Cesar!

In the end, only my album and the Children album came down the attic. Thankfully, everyone is still inside their own worlds. I tip-toed all the way to my room, opening and shutting the door slowly, avoiding all the possible creaks. 

 The first album I decided to open was the Children one because Cesar looks more interesting. As expected, it’s mostly Ruby but still, it’s fun to look at our old pictures to see how much we’ve grown… grown huh? Anyway looking at this makes me smile, Jasper’s extremely frowned while wearing a coat, Ruby’s first tooth out, how my eyes and mouth expressed shock, bliss and confusion when I received my first smartphone ignoring the cake dad baked for my 12th birthday, the three of us walking together at the sand of the beach under the golden sunset. 

It’s disgusting. Every time something from the past reaches out to me, I remember her. Why can’t I forget her so I could be happy remembering the past and become a better person?

It low-key killed the mood of looking at these albums but the boredom is greater than the frustration. My album’s turn to be looked at. Oddly, my album is way thicker and heavier than the childhood album despite it having the three of us. Maybe, I’m the favorite child after all. 

Whoa! It has a lot of sections! Onto the first section. Oh these were me as a baby. Turns out I cried a lot and grandpa and grandma held me a lot. Second section is miscellaneous stuff like my first day of school where I went from a spotless white uniform to a  muddied one. It was because I punched a lot of people before. Good old days… old days.

Third section contains… it’s ripped. The pages are stuck to each other but I could pry it open with my hands but the pictures are also sticking together. Ripping them could tear the photos apart�" but not with my pure precision. I stuck my fingers in the middle of the first few fingers and gently moved my fingertips to see if gently moving it would do the job. It didn’t. Doing it gently won’t do the job then. I removed my fingers in the first few pages and readjusted. This time, my fingers were placed between each page�" at this moment, I looked like a jaguar clawing a turtle’s shell open. With all my strength�"with precision and control�" I ripped open the album. Dozens of photos from the album exploded and flew up all inside my room like confetti.

As quick as possible, I jumped for each one of them but only got 3 before the rest hit the floor. The first picture is me, Luca and Michael sitting while eating the porridge at Auntie Clarissa’s. Porridge there was divine. Amber probably took it. While laying down on my stomach, looking and smiling at this nostalgic photo, something tells me that something’s not going to go well.

I stood up to drink water on my desk, on the corner of my room. While making little steps toward there, I looked at the second picture. It was Me with Luca on my left and Michael and Amber on my right. Who took this picture? As I sipped the water, a hateful idea came into my mind but I canceled it to keep a light mood. 

The third and last picture I caught was Luca, Amber, Michael, Me and… as soon as I saw her face, my vision became dark and I suddenly felt nauseous, like I could vomit the breakfast I stole from Jasper and Ruby. My knees gave up, making me fall to the ground and crawl to the bed. There was this urge to get a spoon from the kitchen and gouge my eyes out to feel relief. That girl is Alice. The girl who is the epitome of betrayal.

Author's Note

Made this right after I made the first chapter so it is not good. Planning on writing the next chapter after receiving reviews. How do I remove the "I" from first person?