Chapter 1: To the gut

Cesar laments for having a stressful task before Christmas vacation. He asks his childhood friend to "help" him but something happened.

Fooling yourself 101

Chapter 1: To the gut

Before any vacation or break begins in school, it is a tradition for a teacher to give an exhausting and backbreaking task. 

“Okay everyone, settle down, sit down please,” my boring teacher said as he was holding his mug while knocking at his desk.

I sat down in my armchair, stretched my legs, leaned at the back of my chair lousily without a care in the world, and crossed my arms. Sigh. What is it this time?

“For your task, before you take your break this Christmas, which is a month and a half away, you will be taking pictures,”

The class was confused and so was I. What could we be taking pictures of? Is it related to Christmas or something? I always wondered why sometimes teachers would make students do tasks that have random topics or themes or something a bit unrelated to the lesson. 

“Of course, it wouldn’t be a random picture,” the teacher added and paused as he slurped his coffee.

Just spit it out already�" not the coffee though. Don’t you want to go home early too?

“You see, Christmas is a day… or should I say, a season, of remembering,”

Well, not really.

“We remember and thank God for the birth of our Saviour, His Son,” he continued.

Point taken. So? What? Will we take pictures of churches? That’s easy. My family goes to different churches mostly every week so a lot of church locations have been etched into my mind.

“What I want you to take a picture of, my students, are mementos of your childhood with a childhood friend,” he added.

The classroom was suddenly filled with applauding and cheering as they were given a perfect excuse to tell their parents�" probably to go out with their friends and peers. It’s almost amazing how sociable and outgoing people get aroused and cheer up instantly when talking about going out or something similar. I couldn’t feel the same way, sadly.

Childhood huh? Every time someone states that word, my blood boils as she always enters my mind whenever that horrid word is mentioned.

“Ok ok settle down class,” the teacher put his mug down and leaned back on the whiteboard with arms crossed, “I know it’s all fun but keep in mind that this is a project, and it will be graded. More importantly, this will define your grades for this quarter since this is the only performance task I’ve given you,”

Whispers surrounded me and the only thing I could properly hear in what they’re saying is childhood! Childhood! Nostalgia! Friends! Fun! Do they even listen to how this single task could change our grades for the whole year? Failing this isn’t an option! Is that thought only for me? Are these people who surround me only care to get to hang out with their peers throughout this project? 

Maybe they were thinking that they could easily pass this task since they got lots of friends. Maybe that’s that. Sometimes I forget that I’m the only one in this class that doesn’t value friends�" or at least to say, I have an unusual perspective on the disgusting relationship called friendship. What are friends for? If a friend is someone who is always there when you're down, then why do friends cause your downfall? If they are supposed to pick you up when you fail, then why are they the reason for your failure? If friends are meant to make you happy, then why did mine become a source of my misery?

That day, more than 10 years ago, made me realize that the only one you can fully trust is yourself. No one else.

⁂

Finally, that long lecture, no, that wasn’t even a lecture, was over. In the end, we had to take at least 10 pictures with someone from our childhood and the only one I could ask was her. 

Before talking to her, I sat in my armchair with my legs crossed and waited 5 minutes for people to go home and the crowd to lessen. Talking with her will make a ruckus�"she’s quite a celebrity here. Even when we were still 7 years old, boys would usually surround her but Luca, Michael, and I were the only ones who she wanted to hang around with. 

At last, the hallways and corridors were only filled with a few students. Hopefully, most of them have already gone home. With this number of people around, it will probably be easy to talk to her peacefully, probably. 

Slowly, tip-toeing to her classroom next door, I knocked. There she was, the alluring jewel, Amber who is also my childhood friend. She is one of the few people I truly consider as a friend�"maybe just an acquaintance since we don’t talk that often anymore.

I waved to her while calling her with an airy voice to avoid an audience because seeing her with me is like seeing a speeding car beat the red light. It would ensnare a lot of eyes and their initial reaction would be ‘What the?’.

“Amber. Over here,”

She instantly looked back with her signature dazzling smile which made the knees of the guys in our school weak.

“Oh hey! What’s up Cesar!” 

As soon as her divine image came upon me and her sweet voice hit my ears, my knees also became weak. I guess her sorcery also works with me.

“H-hey Amber! I was wondering if…,” she started to look at me while squinting her eyes, she’s so adorable! But, why is she looking at me like that? I’m blushing, am I? Ooh, this is so embarrassing. Her lips started to slowly form that dazzling smile again! What am I gonna do? This will be very embarrassing if I end up crawling home.

She patted my shoulder. Instantly, a flow of calmness surged in me. 

“Walk with me to the lockers,” she said as she tugged onto the sleeve of my uniform. Her dazzling and sunny smile appeared again�" I wish I could see that smile every day.

As we were walking, there’s this feeling of uneasiness and that I’m gazed at by everyone; they probably don’t know that the Alluring Jewel and the loner are childhood friends. It’s not that I care though. It’s just that every time I’m close to her, I lose my care to the world and it feels warm. 

Everything about her is perfect. The way she talks, how she picks up her bag, how she laughs when she makes a mistake, how her eyes squint when she thinks, and even how she tucks her hair behind her ear. Dating her would be a dream come true for most of the guys in our batch and me. That’s the problem though. “Most” of the guys would like to date her. 

How could someone like me have a chance? A pessimistic loner that takes advantage of people for his own interests.

“What’s up Cesar?” she asked me as we were walking down the corridor with eyes looking at us from above, beside, behind and even ahead.

“Aren’t you nervous right now Amber?” I asked while gripping the shoulder strap of my bag tightly.

“Why would I?” She squinted her eyes, shrugged her shoulders a bit, and looked at me, “Oh,  you mean all these people looking at us? At first, I was really nervous when I transferred to this school. People’s eyes�" including our juniors and seniors�" were constantly fixated on me and it was unsettling. It felt like I had no privacy. When I went to the canteen, boys would surround me and buy me food for free�" well, you know how aloof I am with boys,” she said with a smile. Her smile seems weaker than usual and her grip on my  sleeve loosened a little.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I could sympathize with what she said but our worlds are polar opposites therefore, empathizing would be impossible for me.

“No, no please don’t be sorry!” she raised both her palms, waved, “It’s ironic how all of my childhood friends are boys but I was still aloof to boys. I wonder how you guys made me your friends back then,” she added. 

We weren’t all boys. See, even you forget her�"I wish I could… But why can’t I?

“If I could remember correctly, Luca was your neighbor and you were crushing on him badly and he introduced you to us, that’s that,” I answered straightly.

“Hey! Childhood crushes are a thing of the past!” 

We both laughed all the way until we reached the lockers and all the stories she and I reminisced were memories without that girl. Am I the only one who remembers who she is? I don’t care about her and I obviously don’t like her so why can’t I forget her? 

While slowly drowning in these same thoughts about this girl Amber spoke as she was putting her books and folders in her locker. I shouldn’t be wasting the atmosphere so I should keep a smile on my face.

“Cesar?” she asked.

“Yes?” I smiled as I responded to try to preserve the atmosphere.

“Why weren’t you talking about Alice earlier? Do you still hate her?”

As soon as that name approached my ears, the hatred, misery, and pain came back at once as if getting hit by a truck just after getting discharged from a hospital.

The romantic�" no�" sweet ambiance that we developed regressed into a grey and gloomy vibe at an instant.

“What’s with her?” I turned my back to Amber, “She isn’t relevant. Even you didn’t try to talk about her,,” 

“Remember what I said earlier? About what I said about people staring at me?” Amber asked a random question out of a sudden as a response, “I started adjusting to how people eye me then soon I made closure with it. At first, I started bargaining and doing stuff and dilemmas to avoid people staring at me. Then I realised that we should just accept and embrace what we have. I’m not bragging Cesar but what I mean here is that you should move forward and let go of the past.  Forgive her,” she said while holding both my hands and looking straight at my eyes, earnestly.

As if that's how easy it is to forgive someone who destroyed both our childhoods. Am I the only one whose childhood got destroyed? Am I the only one who gets really bothered by her? But… what would it feel like to forgive her? To me, to her.  If Amber suggests it, then maybe it’s the right way. 

“I-I’ll give it a shot I guess,”

Amber paused, looked at me in the eye and slowly gave a big smile in shock while barely keeping her mouth shut, cheered, and clapped her hands ecstatically. She didn’t expect me to forgive Alice huh? Maybe she knows how hurt I was that day after all; that’s why I like her.

“I never expected you to answer like that! You have grown up Cesar! I feel like a proud friend, a mother, and a bigger sister at the same time!” she said happily with a smile.

Not to rain on your parade but that answer wasn’t really genuine and it would be impossible for me and Alice to meet since we literally don’t know what she looks like now�" it’s been 10 years since we last saw her. I just want to see you smile, Amber,  you are the most important person in the world to me. It would be everything to see you happy.

Wait… did I just get sister zoned, mother zoned, and friend-zoned at the same time? Hmm, it doesn’t matter ‘cause as long you’re happy, so am I. 

Amber closed her locker shut. 

“You better do it, Cesar!” She pointed at my chest while wearing a smile full of positivity.

“M-hmm sure,” I nodded.

 It’s a shame to waste that precious smile of hers but I just couldn’t forgive her�" the same way I couldn’t do anything that day.

Amber is precious to me, even if we don’t talk often, she is my treasure. The treasure whom I’d like to keep but others keep stealing and planning to take her away from me. In fact, treasures from pirate movies belong to no one until someone claims that it’s theirs. In the case of Amber, I just found her first but I didn’t claim her since for me, she isn’t an object but a person who is very dear to me�"people should belong to no one. It’d be selfish of me to take her all to myself but what if I did? I’d probably get rejected if I did it but at least I showed myself that I’m not a total coward.

Amber walked away from me passing through the crowd of guys whose eyes are fixated on her breasts or her bottom. Hopeless. They are missing out on her pure and dazzling smile. 

She was at least 10 meters away from me when she stopped and turned around to look at me. She cupped her hands, put them on her mouth, and shouted to me.

“Don’t forget our promise! Cesar!”

Immediately, the people looking at her locked their sights on me. All of a sudden, eyes were looking down on me and walls of crowds started to build up, putting me in the middle. The pressure was almost drowning and it’s hard to breathe. So, this is what she feels every day before. The atmosphere was filled with contempt, envy, hatred, and disdain. People’s eyes were as sharp as knives and were overpowering me. 

A weak and forced smile formed on my lips instinctively as I tried to walk back slowly, one step at a time. Just before taking the third step to escape, my route was blocked with a lot of guys especially this big muscled and intimidating man with a prominent chin and hairy arms�"this person looks older than the youngest teacher here�"and this “big man” had a pin on his chest pocket on his messy, chaotic and tight uniform saying “Alluring Amber Club: Head of Defense”. How is he even allowed here at school with that uniform?

“Please let me go home,” I said in an unintentionally undertone voice.

“Yeah, we’ll let you go,” he said calmly while looking left and right to the others surrounding me and smirked. He bent over slowly and leaned his face next to mine, “only if you tell us your promise with Amber and what’s your deal with her,” he said as he stared right into my soul.

“Don’t you think that’s disrespecting the privacy of your queen?” I calmly but weakly responded while looking down.

The big man stepped back. Everyone who surrounded me gasped in disbelief. Is Amber not their queen or something?

“Queen? How dare you think lowly of our goddess!” he stated as the others surrounding me cheered, “it is only right for us to know when to and when not to interfere with our goddess’ relations and this is a perfect reason to interrogate you! We are only doing this to ensure the goddess’ safety,”

I gulped in fear. 

“What happens if I don’t cooperate?” 

“Oho! You ‘ll get silenced forever dude,” a guy, who also has a pin on his uniform beside the big man said while lazily leaning against the wall behind the crowd.

“Silenced?”

“Yeah, you’ll never get to speak, hear, or possibly see Amber again while on campus… oho! You’ll also get a punch from Rodney here,” pointing at the big man.

“Okay fine!”

“Good, you’ve made the right choice,” Rodney said as Amber’s fan club, who surrounded me, applauded and whistled.

The truth, nothing but the truth.

“We’re childhood friends and this is the first time we talked to each other again after a long time. The promise is that I’ll bring her food and chocolate for valentines day�" as a childhood friend as payment for not talking to her in a while,”

A perfect lie is a lie mixed with the truth! I saw in movies once that friends give gifts to each other on valentine’s day. I don’t have friends�" other than Amber�" to prove it, but it looks realistic enough to be believed in.

“What… Did you say?” Rodney said and paused as the atmosphere began to be filled with rage, 

 “according to the prophecy, the only person who is destined to be with our goddess’ is him not you!” 

Rodney stepped back and the fan club made a big circle with both Rodney and me in the middle while chanting, “Silence, silence, shhh!” Repeatedly.

The people who surrounded me all have pins with the same design. Are all these guys fans of Amber? Club? This is a cult!

Rodney cracked his knuckles and his joints. He folded his sleeves up to his shoulders and looked at me menacingly. Where are the teachers?! I’m about to die here! 

If I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die with a story and a fight. I threw the bag on my shoulder and removed my uniform revealing my tight white t-shirt and the scar near my left shoulder. Everyone cheered as I took off my uniform. They didn’t expect a loner to do this huh? Maybe this is only a spike of adrenaline.

I raised my fist despite shaking with fear. For some reason, I looked back into my bag and my stuff was gone! When I looked back at Rodney, his left fist was already 2 inches close to my face. In a split second, I dodged to the left and ended up at his right side. Rodney saw me and swung his right elbow to hit my face but I crouched and when I stood up, his twisted torso was completely vulnerable. I pushed him with all my strength and he was knocked back falling on his butt. Those in the crowd without pins cheered as they saw a David and Goliath reenactment while those who have were filled with anger.

I felt really victorious until…

“Hold him!” Rodney ordered.

8 fan club members grabbed both my arms and legs, my neck, and my head held me in a vulnerable way exposing my torso.

“Not so fast now aren’t you!” Rodney shouted as he landed his barrage near my lower ribs.

It hurt me very much and felt like vomiting the hell out. Please help me! Someone help! Anyone! Amber! Those who watched the fight earlier slowly started disappearing as they saw that this was simply abuse and not an entertaining school fight. Only those who have pins seem to have remained.

Rodney kept punching me 5 times in my stomach after the first. At least I died in a fight instead of running away. My thoughts are becoming blurry and my vision is turning dark, slowly. 

For some reason, the sixth punch didn’t land and the restraints holding on to my arms felt loose. I prepared myself and gathered the last bits of my strength to shake the guys behind me but they started to let go of me one by one. My face hit the ground causing dirt to enter my eyes and giving me blurry vision. Rodney and the others sound like they are struggling.

No time for a reason, let’s get out of here!

I crawled away for a couple of inches and someone picked me up by the shoulder.

“Let’s get out of here while they’re busy!” 

Amber? They smell like Amber and their hand feels like her too. Thank you Amber but I’m too weak to speak yet. I’ll express my gratitude when Monday comes. 

Author's Note

this is my first attempt at writing after watching a few videos about it on YouTube. I hope I can get feedback to improve. I think the plot improves as the story goes on.